Grieving Voices
Grieving Voices
Holiday Grief Series: How To Effectively Manage Stress & Anxiety
Welcome to the third episode of my Holiday Grief Series! In this episode, I explore the often-overlooked challenges of the holiday season. While this time of year is traditionally filled with joy and celebration, it can also bring about stress and anxiety that lurk beneath the surface.
Key Takeaways:
Understanding Holiday Stressors: I explore various sources of holiday stress, including family dynamics, social pressures, environmental factors, and financial concerns. Whether you're feeling isolated from loved ones or overwhelmed by family gatherings, you're not alone in your feelings.
Dysfunctional Thinking Patterns: Discover how specific thought patterns, such as "Shoulds," catastrophizing, and all-or-nothing thinking, can contribute to holiday stress. I'll unpack these patterns and provide insight into how to challenge and change them.
Coping Strategies: I share practical tips for managing holiday stress and anxiety. From setting realistic expectations and prioritizing self-care to the importance of sleep and exercise, we discuss how to find balance and peace amidst the chaos.
Creating New Traditions: The holidays are a time for reflection and growth. I encourage you to consider starting new traditions that resonate with your current feelings and allow for personal grace and authenticity.
Embracing Your Feelings: It’s okay to acknowledge that the holidays may not be as joyful as they once were. I talk about the importance of being honest with yourself and others about your emotions and allowing space for grief and healing.
Join me and discover ways to embrace this season with compassion and understanding. Remember, you have the power to shape your holiday experience, and it's perfectly okay to prioritize your well-being.
RESOURCES:
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NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
This episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.
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Victoria Volk: Thank you for joining me for this third episode of The Holiday Grief Series. While the winter holidays are traditionally a time of joy and fellowship, The season carries several stresses, some hidden behind the lights and laughter of the season. Rates of depression, substance abuse, domestic strife, not to mention anxiety, worry, and grief all increase this time of year. Holiday stress can be sorted into a few categories. One of them being typical holiday stressors that many of us experience such as family related stressors, Too little family, those separated from family due to geographical distance or serving in the armed forces, divorce or estrangement, often field only and isolated at this time of year. In the first episode of the series covers estrangement if that's a topic of interest for you. On the flip side of that, you can have too much family, unresolved family conflicts, unrealistic expectations of what the family gathering should be like, and confusion about one's place in the family can create anxiety about getting together and tension when the family does get get together. It's a reminder of anniversary dates. Holidays can often bring back memories of the past. Remembering Happier Times may result in grief over what has been lost. Recalling traumatic experiences is bound to dampen one spirits amid all the celebration. Listen to the second up sold in this series where I talk about honoring those we've lost during the holidays on four ideas for coping. There's also social stressors. Shopping in crowds, standing in lines, driving in traffic, entertaining guests by attending social functions creates more opportunities for social anxiety than almost any other time of year. Even writing greeting cards and selecting just the perfect gift may feel like pressure after a while, especially with deadlines. You may be surprised to learn that this one is actually a stressor for me. I love people, but I also love the quiet, and although I love when family comes to visit, it stresses me out. I spend days beforehand cleaning like a mad woman, only for all of the effort to be undone in one day, and just have this feeling like I have to be on energetically. It's the being on that totally zaps me. That's why when I take a vacation, I need a vacation from the vacation. And when family leaves, I need a day to regroup and fill my cup again. And I think we're all at least a little guilty of this neck dresser. Which we do to ourselves, and that is temptations and over indulgent and over indulgences. Eating too much of the wrong foods, drinking alcohol, spending too much money, and generally overdoing it often lead to feeling of out being out of control and then what what happens we feel guilty. And then there's environmental issues. Traveling a bad weather is always stressful. Compounded by extra traffic and delays. December is also the darkest month of the year with daylight barely lasting eight hours, resulting in a wintertime depression called seasonal effective disorder. And if you have a husband like mine who is the snowflake watchdog and who travels about as good as a two year old, it's extra stressful when you're caught traveling in bad weather. But by gosh, we make it home alive because those four wheels are probably not going faster than thirty miles an hour. And another common holiday stressor would be financial issues. When the economy is in the dumps and you or other family members are out of work, You may not have the means to put up your usual decorations, provide gifts, entertain, or even make the meals you have had in the past. This can also also bring with it a lot of feelings of guilt, shame, and grief. This can all potentially lead to stressful thinking during the holidays. Certain kinds of dysfunctional thinking can occur during the holidays that contribute to stress. These consist of the shoulds, or unrealistic demands we place on ourselves and others. It could be catastrophizing where we focus on the worst possible scenario, and it could be all or nothing thinking. Some examples of the shoulds, It really should get the cards done on time, get the shopping done early, get presents for everyone, find the perfect gift for each person, prepare enough food, decorate properly, Go to church. Keep everyone in the family happy. Keep up a happy face. Have plenty of sweets on hand, but don't eat too much yourself. And keep all the familiar traditions going at all costs. That's a lot of shoulds. Do you should all over yourself around the holidays? It's so easy to do. Next, we can catastrophize, and that includes examples like, it would be terrible if something went wrong over the holidays. If I don't get the perfect gift or if I don't make everything perfect, then I'll be criticized. Maybe someone will feel left out so we better do this, that or the other thing, I didn't get my cards or presents out on time. I'll look like I don't have my crap together. My kids need this newest thing or else, fill in the blank. And finally, the all are nothing thinking. If I feel sad at Christmas, I am not being a good Christian. If I don't decorate for the holidays, I am not being a good neighbor or a grinch. If I'm not as happy as everyone else, I must be seriously depressed. People who don't go all out for the holidays are just like Scrooge. The holidays will never be as great as they were in the good old days. Thinking or talking about loved ones who are gone will just make the holidays depressing. So far, you've probably nodded your head in agreement a few times, maybe even let out an audible. Oh my gosh. Yes. That's totally me. So how can we flip this script? Here are some tips for coping with the stress of holidays. Speak out balance between what is really meaningful to you about the holidays and what you consider to be your obligations during this time. Decide ahead of time of realistic plan for what you can accomplish this season, including how much you can spend, how much you will decorate, socialize, or indulge. Participate in those activities you really feel up to, Remember, you don't have to do everything or accept every invitation. Forgive yourself if things don't turn out perfectly or if you make a mistake. Forgive others if they don't do it your way or make a mistake. Allow yourself to grieve if you are experiencing a loss. Don't expect yourself to feel happy every moment. Likewise, don't criticize yourself for enjoying the moment. This next tip might surprise you, but open your curtains. Especially if you suffer from seasonal effective disorder, you may be want to purchase a light therapy lamp. By Christmas morning, the days already start getting longer again. I personally have pulled out my sunbox lamp a few weeks ago, and I sit by it every morning with my first cup of morning coffee. The long and cold North Dakota winters do affect me and my mood. And using light therapy is supportive of maintaining a natural sight circadian rhythm, which in turn supports the quality of your sleep, which is so important if your body is already overwhelmed by stressors, grief, or both. Here's another tip that you've probably heard a million times, Allow yourself time for rest and exercise. Bundle up and go outside for fresh air even if it's cold. Physical exercise also helps brighten the mood and increase energy levels. I personally am already devising a plan when winter weather keep me away from the gym. Lifting has become my favorite form of exercise and has been great for my mood as winter has settled in. Equally important is recognizing my body's cues when rest is in order and listening to the wisdom of my body. Which knows a heck of a lot better than my mind. Our minds are given way too much power friends, tune into your body's wisdom. It's always giving you clues. If you're looking for ways to support your energetic body, I did just launch my energy healing membership by the way. I'll add a link in the show notes if you want to learn more. But exercise aside, we also know the importance of sleep. Humans also need more sleep this time of year, so give yourself a little extra time. Talking over your stresses and feelings with a close friend, pastor, or professional counselor is a good way to get a handle on stress whatever the season. I've also found brain dumping before bed helpful if not taking in all those to do, swirling around in my head and getting them out on paper. I also focus only on one day at a time. I do look at the wake ahead too, but before bed, I look at what's on the docket for the next day and make sure my priorities are taken care of first. And speaking of writing things down. Writing down your thoughts and reflecting on them can also provide insights into your problems. If you've never heard of the five minute journal, it's amazing for a daily quick morning and evening check-in. I'll put a link in the show notes. It's a great start if journaling isn't really your thing, but it is a nice nice reflective tool. Maybe in all of that reflecting, you realize this next one applies to you. Just take a break from Christmas by putting your mind on other things. It's okay to play a different kind of music occasionally. Doing things for others may get your mind off your own problems. Have a personal plan for coping with family gatherings. Decide ahead of time how you will approach certain people, what limits you will set on your interactions, what your role will be during the visit, and when to say goodbye. And the final note on coping during the holidays, Challenge the thinking that stresses you. Question the shoulds you place on yourself or that others place upon you. Catch all your all or nothing thinking and look for some middle ground. Avoid catastrophizing when things don't go well. Is it the worst thing if the holiday wasn't the greatest?
I'd wager to guess that if you're grieving, the worst has already happened. Remember all of these holiday traditions we hold so dear and try so hard to follow or once just an idea that someone thought would be fun or important to do. Maybe this year you will start your own holiday tradition or maybe Just maybe this is the first season you decide to give yourself some grace. Be honest with yourself and others about your feelings and make it the best it can be with where you're at. Apologize where you need to apologize. Say thank you but no thanks where you feel you need to, and let go of the expectations of yourself and others too. Until next time friends, be well. Show this with someone who may need it, and remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life, much love.
