Holiday Grief Series | Ways To Honor Those We've Lost

In Episode 2 of my holiday grief series, I explore the tender journey of honoring lost loved ones during the festive season—a time that often brings a mix of joy and sorrow. As your host, I want to assure you that feeling these emotions is completely normal. Reflecting on my own experiences, I've learned that traditional ways of handling grief—like keeping feelings bottled up or avoiding memories—usually don't bring comfort.

One story shared by a podcast guest really resonated with me; she grew up in a warm but emotionally reserved family when it came to grieving her mother's death. This episode offers practical ways to honor those we've lost. The six ideas shared in this episode are a starting point. Perhaps they will inspire you to think of other ideas. The point is not just to "get through" the holidays but also to embrace the gifts that grieving with others can bring. The ideas shared can support you in cultivating that within your family.

Often, one person in the family has to go first - to initiate the challenging, unknown things and break the mold of the grieving norms we've all grown accustomed to. This episode may be just what you need to hear to start to do grief differently.

I emphasize that everyone grieves differently, so it's important to communicate plans with family members and respect each person’s readiness to participate—or not—in these activities.

Ultimately, this episode encourages us all to find personal ways of remembering those we’ve lost; such gestures help maintain our bonds with them while adding depth and significance—even amidst sorrow—to the holidays ahead!

Please revisit Episode 1 if you’re dealing with estrangement issues too—and feel free to share today’s message widely among friends needing similar support because sharing both love & loss has healing power beyond measure. 💛

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Transcript

Victoria Volk: Hello. Hello. Thank you for joining me for today's episode, which is episode two of four in my four part holiday grief series. Last week, I talked about estrangement, And this week, I'm focusing on how ways to honor those we've lost during the holidays. And for many this time of year can be particularly challenging as you navigate the complex emotions of grief and seek ways to keep the memory of your loved ones alive. It's important to remember that feeling a mix of joy and sorrow during the season is okay, not to mention it's normal and it's natural. I want to start this episode by sharing the importance of honoring our loved ones and how doing so can bring you comfort. This was something that was not emulated for me and not something we did as a family after my father passed when I was eight. And I think this is pretty typical for society to do, push forward, get through, and maybe say the deceased loved one's name, but more than likely not for fear of upsetting another family member. A recent podcast guest whose episode will go live in twenty twenty five expressed how she lived in a household with two families combined as a child in India. Someone was always around and they were always together as a family. However, after her mother passed, despite being surrounded by so much love, she never felt more alone after her mom passed away. Everyone in the family grieved alone, went on their own grief island, so to speak, didn't express emotions and never spoke of her mother. So she grew to be a teenager and an adult who would do the same because that's what was emulated and taught by the behaviors of others and her family. I know that was my response too, to stuff, bury, and do my damned just to forget. However, the thing about our shadows is they're always right behind us. The holidays can often amplify feelings of loss, reminding us of the empty space at the table. Honoring our loved ones during this time not only helps us keep their memories alive, but also allows us to process our grief in a healthy way. The holiday season can be a time to connect with our loved ones, even if they are no longer physically present. By actively remembering them, we can create a sense of connection that transcends their absence. So how can we honor our loved ones during the holidays? Here are some ideas. You could create a memory table or an altar. Set up a special place in your home where you can display photos or souvenirs. Or favorite items of your loved one. This can become a focal point for reflection and remembrance during holiday gatherings. If family members are gathering at your home, consider inviting them to bring something that reminds them of the loved one. Creating a space of remembrance open to all family members to participate can open up dialogue among family members to share in the grief rather than each individual grieving silently alone. You could share stories and memories. Encourage family members to share their favorite stories about the loved one you're honoring. This not only keeps their memory alive, but also can foster connection and healing among others who are grieving. Quite the opposite of my podcast guest experience and my own. You could cook their favorite recipes, prepare dishes you loved to unloved. Cooking and sharing their favorite meals can evoke fond memories, and create a sense of warmth and nostalgia. You could also participate in a charity or volunteer, honor your loved ones by giving back to the community in their name. This could be through donating to a cause they cared about, or volunteering your time to help those in need during the holiday season. There is a saying that the quickest way to forget about your own pain in sorrow is to help someone else in theirs. Right? Another way you can honor your loved one is by lighting a candle in memory of them, which can be a beautiful and simple way to honor them. You could do this at a family gathering or during a quiet moment of reflection. And finally, incorporate their spirit into new traditions. Consider starting a new holiday tradition that reflects the essence of your loved one. This could be anything from a special toast in their memory to a unique activity they enjoyed. As we explore these ideas, we must remember that grief is a personal journey. Not everyone may be open to participating in the ideas shared. So I would suggest that if you choose to do any of these things suggested and you're the one hosting, consider giving a heads up to the rest of the family, inform them of what you're planning to do. The last thing you want to do is make a meaningful experience uncomfortable and awkward because other family members are caught by surprise. May may not be ready to participate, and it's important to let that be okay. Similarly, if you're not ready to participate, it is equally important to allow those who wish to express their grief this way to do so. This is how we honor people's grief and meet them where they are. Ultimately, allowing yourself to feel the emotions during the holidays and recognizing that they are a part of your love for that person can become even more meaningful, when those emotions are shared with others you love. Creating space for both joy and sorrow can be incredibly healing. It's important to acknowledge that while the holidays can bring moments of happiness, they can also serve as poignant reminders of what we've lost. If you find the holidays particularly overwhelming, don't hesitate to ask for support. Connecting with others who have experienced similar losses can provide comfort and understanding. Online communities can offer a sense of belonging and resources for navigating these feelings. However, it's important to remember that others beliefs about grief are also expressed in those environments that aren't helpful and can even be hurtful. For example, one may believe that they will forever feel the pain of grief. And I want to say that although that may feel true for that person, that doesn't have to be the story you adopt as your own. It is possible to live a life of joy and meaning. So it's essential to discern the advice others give. Talking to a therapist or someone like myself who specializes in grief may be helpful. These spaces can provide valuable tools and coping strategies as you honor your loved one during this time. Honoring a loved one during the holidays is a powerful way to keep their memory alive while navigating your own grief. Whether creating new traditions, sharing stories, or participating in acts of kindness, each gesture can help you feel connected to your loved one. I thank you for joining me today. If you haven't listened to episode one of four in the series yet, this is just a friendly reminder to go back and check out episode two twenty two how to deal with estrangement. It is my hope that the ideas shared today inspire you to honor your loved ones a way that feels good to you. If you found this episode helpful, please share it with someone who might need it. And remember, you are not alone on this journey. Until next time, remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.