Belonging, Fitting In, Othering, and Acceptance

In a world increasingly defined by division and isolation, radical belonging offers a powerful antidote to the epidemic of loneliness. Joe Primo's article, "Radical Belonging in an Age of Othering," featured on Grateful Living, delves into this pressing issue with profound insights that resonate deeply amidst our post-pandemic reality.

In this week's episode, I read his article out loud because, although I tried, I couldn't have written it better myself. This article (and episode) hits on individual responsibility, which couldn't be more important as we face an election year in the United States, which goes right into the holidays when we will gather with friends and families, many with opposing views, beliefs, and diverse backgrounds, ethnicities, and preferences. 

The Loneliness Epidemic
Surgeon General Vivek Murthy has sounded alarms about a growing crisis—loneliness. This isn't just about feeling alone; it's a public health concern with wide-ranging societal implications. As social structures were disrupted during COVID-19, many isolated themselves from their communities and support systems. Now more than ever, rebuilding connections is vital to societal well-being.

Understanding 'Othering'
Primo introduces us to the concept of 'othering,' where differences are highlighted not as strengths but as reasons for exclusion. This binary thinking creates barriers between people based on race, religion, culture, or politics—a misguided attempt to find belonging through conformity rather than embracing diversity. The danger here lies in mistaking fitting in for true belonging. 

The Power of Belonging
Belonging is akin to love—it’s unconditional and rooted in internal and external acceptance. To belong means being comfortable with oneself while honoring others' dignity despite differences. It's recognizing that everyone holds inherent value simply by existing.

RESOURCES:

• Full Article | Radical Belonging in an Age of Othering by Joe Primo

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Transcript

Victoria Volk: Hello. Good morning, good afternoon, or good evening, whatever time it is, you're listening to this week's episode. Thank you for being here. I appreciate you. And today, I want to share something that somebody else wrote. It's an article I came across that really is fitting for our times right now, especially if you live here in the US, a lot of change and uncertainty, and I think just astrologically. There's so much happening in the in the galaxy, in the universe with the stars, and the moons, and moons, moon, all of that. If you follow any of that, there's been a lot of stuff coming to the forefront. Probably in your life, it has in mind, particularly as it relates to relationships. I think relationships have been a huge focus in what I've been reading and what I've learned from friends who follow that stuff more so than myself, but I think there's a lot to be learned from the stars and there's cultures that knew this, that whose lives depended on the stars, right, and the sun and the moon, and they set their lives to the universe, to what was happening in the skies. And so anyway, I digress all of that. The point of me sharing this article though is what I just said, is all the change and uncertainty that has been happening, particularly since COVID, what we learned from COVID, individually, collectively. And what's to come? All that uncertainty as it unfolds. And what it means to each of us and our relationships and for ourselves, our relationship with in with ourselves. And I couldn't have articulated this any better I wouldn't I didn't even wanna I tried, but I just this is just perfectly written, and so let me get to it. It is an article written by Joe Porrimo. I hope I'm saying his name correctly. It's an essay and he titles it radical belonging in an age of other ring. And I found this on a website called Grateful Living and I will link to it in the show notes if you care to read any of his other work. So I'm actually going to read this word for word because I feel it is the perfect share for what is happening again. Here it goes. There is an epidemic of loneliness. The US surgeon general, Vivek Murphy, says, if we fail to build more connected lives, we will continue to splinter and divide until we can no longer stand as a community or a country. As we try to understand the societal illness, I think we need to ask whether we are sick from loneliness, or from not belonging to each other and ourselves. In the depths of our isolation, we quickly encounter a darkness. It is our world closing in on itself. Our entanglement with each other becomes disentangled. We are no longer woven. We are a single thread under tension pulled taut. We're at risk of far more than fraying. John a Powell, director of the other ring and belonging institute, says that we create other ring to create belonging. Think about this for a moment. In order to feel at home in ourselves and with others, we rally around contempt, prejudice, oppression, and exclusion. If we want to understand this epidemic, it seems that this may be a source of sickness. Could it be that our need to belong, took a misguided route and fueled a pandemic of othering? This pandemic of othering is sustained by binary thinking, which dismantles the inherent dignity of those different from us, religiously, radically, racially, culturally, politically, intellectually, etcetera. Rather than thriving in relationship with each other, many groups find themselves in profound opposition. What is the point of this opposition? What are groups and people trying to protect? For some, it may be the comfort they find in their structure, order and perspective. For some, it may be a desire to feel the nurturing and supportive sense of belonging, but the desire has become confused with fitting in. It's important to distinguish fitting in from belonging. They are two very different experiences. One has a gatekeeper and requirements. The other is innate. Fitting in asks us to mold ourselves to things like ideologies, appearances, and dogmas. You can fit in if you subscribe to the group's prescriptions. Belonging on the other hand is not about being affirmed for your likeness others or your methodical virtue keeping. Belonging is not interested in group think and mutual paths on the back. Belonging is where dignity, the sacred, and redemption meet. It is where you can be wally you while also being in relationship with those wildly different from you. Belonging is a both and. The paradox of belonging is much like the paradox of love. Father David Steingle Rast says that to live means to be in relationship and that requires love and action. In order to put love into action and experience belonging, you also have to be at home in yourself. When you belong to yourself, you are better equipped to see, appreciate and respect someone else's dignity. This is because you can imagine, remember, or acknowledge the pain you've endured and how it shaped your perspective and behavior. The unkind and hateful words that are only one grievance away from being spoken. The wars you might be tempted to fight if the opposition was on your stoop. The destruction you might cause if all the power was yours, the food you would steal for a child, the walls you might build at fear was your guidepost, the sicknesses that could fill your mind if you believed your fears, When you can imagine being uttered, then you can see the only path is understanding. A grateful orientation to life is in opposition to other ring rather than unifying around exclusions a practice of grateful living challenges us to seek, observe, and understand. The many ways in which we are never fully alone, never independent or separate from others. The practice of grateful living helps us address the origin of our societal ailments, because it illuminates our interconnectedness by focusing on and acknowledging the details of every lived moment and the network of people required to sustain our lives. This perspective understands that when we lose sight of our inner relationality. We can trust that everything will go sideways, making us sick with fear, greed, violence, exploitation, loneliness, despair, and war. These and other detriments who are well-being fill the enormous cavern where belonging should live and thrive. To avoid falling into the trap of the rage machine or binary thinking, The practice of grateful living asks us to ground ourselves in the root belief that life is a gift. From this root, we grow a perspective that all people have inherent value. Rather than anyone being dispensable and disposable, We know that to be alive means to be in possession of something sacred. And when the sacred is not easily discoverable in another, gratefulness invites you to look more deeply for it like a hatchling in the grass. Stop. Look. Keep looking. When you're tempted to quit, stop once again and look more. This is what it means to be alive, to be in relation and always on the lookout for all the opportunities put love into action. This perspective challenges you to observe someone's worth or worthiness even when it is far from sight. Worthing of what you may ask. Well, what are you worthy of in your life? Love, acceptance, safety, nourishment, shelter, redemption, and connection are a few things your dignity bestows on you. When we individually or collectively other, we strip people of this worthiness. We categorize people into good and bad, worthy, and unworthy. We need to ask ourselves how anyone can survive these dichotomies. The response to loneliness and othering must be radical belonging. This is the challenge. This is the work of grateful living. If loneliness is a malady born from a plague that is unraveling or interconnectivity, then gratefulness is the only remedy large enough to treat an illness that is pulling us apart when life requires us to put love into action and remain in relation. There are some reflection questions at the end of this article, and those are, what does it feel like to be otherwise by a person or group that does not understand you? How do you process that pain? If you catch yourself othering, what is coming up for you? What is the fear behind those thoughts? And finally, where do you have an opportunity to invite someone in? To a conversation gathering a meal instead of excluding based on differences. I know this episode was a little bit different than my typical format, but I was really inspired to share this and I just followed the inspired nudge. And I hope this article that you heard me speak to you today has sparked something within you to really look at especially as we're coming into if you live in the US, it's an election year. We're gonna have the holidays soon after. You're gonna be getting together with families, people, friends, maybe many of those who have opposing views and opinions. I want you to think back to this episode. Listen to it again if you have to. Read the transcription if it's easier for you to take in information that way. Really, it it is up to each of us individually to sweep our own doorstep. Personally speaking, I've had some unraveling of personal friendships and relationships in my life. And I could have just kept pulling that thread and just letting it just come all apart. Right? I could have. But it mattered too much to me. And if a relationship matters to you, you will look at yourself, You will find what do you own in that relationship. What is yours? What do you need to apologize for? What do you need to forgive within yourself? Or others, which just side note forgiveness is not for the other person. It is for you, by the way. So it's not something that I recommend that you do in person to somebody else you know, I forgive you because, what if they don't feel like they did anything wrong? Right? You know, they could you don't you have no idea sometimes what the response would be if you say to someone, I forgive you. Well, what are you forgiving me for? You know? So forgiveness is for you. It's not for the other person. But this article just really inspired me and brought up what I've personally experienced as of late.
And I chose to put love into action. Because that those relationships mattered to me. I know that those relationships are what sustain me. They're grounding for me, but not only just for me, for us as a collective, for us as a whole, for our group as a whole. And again, like, this article just beautifully shared what's been on my heart lately, and And it's an invitation for us all to really look into ourselves. And, you know, do we want to fit in or do we want to belong? And sometimes when you know that you have this knowing and of belonging. It's sacred. It feels sacred. And There's a quote here it says realizing that I am from the very beginning. Embedded in a network of relationships makes me ready for an important insight. The innermost essence of the word I is relationship. And that is my brother David Stindel Rast. He must have written a book called you are here. I will do a search for that and see if I can find the book the link and put that in the show notes as well. But again, if you wanna check out this article, read more of Joe Primo's work on Grateful Living. I will link it in the show notes, so check it out there. And I hope this episode gave you some food for thought as we're getting closer and closer to an election and following. After that, the holidays. Yay. I'm sure many of you are feeling quite anxious already about that. So if you have any questions, you want to continue this conversation. I encourage you to reach out to me, Victoria at the unleashtruck dot com, my website, the unleashtruck dot com, You can see there's a contact form there. If, you know, you have a question that you would like me to answer on the podcast. I love doing those episodes too. I haven't done one of those in quite some time. But until next time, remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life, much love.