Anne Jacobs | 17 Years +++ Metastatic Checkin 2

Imagine being told you have cancer. But then imagine being told you have cancer for which there was no cure. At that moment, in an instant, life is forever changed. And, although many people hear the words "You have cancer" every single day, fewer hear that the type of cancer they have will, without a doubt, kill them. That is unless a cure is found.

Anne shares, in this follow-up, what hearing those words was like and the thoughts that raced through her mind. We talk about what life has been like since we last recorded, and how she's doing now.

Anne also shares about what her first distance reiki session was like that she had with me.

I encourage you to listen to her first episode. We dig into different areas of her cancer journey in this episode and, as always, Anne brings lightness to her experience and wisdom to those listening.

If you could only plan your life 2 months at a time, how differently do you think you would plan your days?

RESOURCES:

• Ep 41 Anne Jacobs | The Road Less Traveled: 17 Years with Triple Positive Metastatic Breast Cancer

CONNECT WITH ANNE:

• INSTAGRAM

______

Need help?

Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor

If you or anyone you know is struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, there are free resources available HERE.

Are you enjoying the podcast? Check out my bi-weekly newsletter, The Unleashed Letters.

💛 Learn Your Energy Type ➡️HERE! ⬅️
______

WAYS TO SUPPORT THE SHOW:

• Tell Your Friends & Share Online!
  • Subscribe, Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts
  • Follow & Listen  Spotify |  Stitcher | Google Podcasts | Pandora
• Read & Review my published book about my grief journey.
• Donate | Buy Me A Coffee
• 
  

Transcript

Victoria Volk  0:08  
This is Victoria of theunleashedheart.com, and you're listening to grieving voices, a podcast for hurting hearts who desire to be heard. Or anyone who wants to learn how to better support loved ones experiencing loss. As a 30 plus year griever and advanced Grief Recovery Method specialist, I know how badly the conversation around grief needs to change. Through this podcast, I aim to educate gravers and non Grievers alike, spread hope and inspire compassion toward those hurting. Lastly, by providing my heart with yours and this platform, Grievers had the opportunity to share their wisdom and stories of loss and resiliency. How about we talk about grief, like we talked about the weather. Let's get started. Hello, and welcome, again to grieving voices if you've been here before, and if this is your first time listening, thank you for being here. Today, my guest is and Jacobs. And this is actually a follow up episode to just check in and see how she is doing. We had originally recorded in early February of 2020, kind of at the start of COVID-19. And that episode actually didn't air until April 6. And that episode is called The Road Less Traveled 17 years with triple positive metastatic breast cancer, which Anne has. And so Anne, thank you again for letting me follow up with you in sharing your follow up with my listeners. Thank you for being here.

Anne Jacobs  1:52  
Oh, you're welcome. Again, my honor. To be part of it.

Victoria Volk  1:58  
So lots changed for a lot of people since we originally recorded and what I want to give you an opportunity to share really is how COVID impacted you on top of having cancer. And we'll get into all sorts of good stuff, I'm sure but what is the update that you would like to share?

Anne Jacobs  2:26  
Um, well, the the update, which is is good news is that the the current drug that I'm on, it's called it's a fairly new drug, it's called an her to E n h e r t u is is working, which means it's either keeping my cancer stable or best case scenario is what we call no evidence of disease or no evidence of active disease. And the last PET scan I had showed the cancer that's in my right lung is stable, which I'm thrilled with because it's a little bit currently is a little bit more active than my lower spine and my lower spine is is no evidence of active disease, which means the cancer is still there. But when the but the PET scan doesn't pick up enough uptake to like if you if you went in had a PET scan and you got the same uptake as I did be normal. They you know, they wouldn't consider anyone else having cancer so, so right now I'm I'm stable, which is wonderful. I always get nervous before my next PET scan, which I'm going to have in August. They call that scan scan xiety Because sometimes you have or sometimes I have a false sense of security that in between scans, oh everything's okay. And then as you get closer to the next scan, you start to wonder, okay, well what is really going on? And what will the PET scan show? And is the cancer actually more active than than the prior scan? So that it can be a very extreme anxiety or it can be low level nervousness, but either way most I usually experience it so that so cancer wise I'm I'm doing well, I've been on treatment every three weeks for the cancer drug and then I also get immunotherapy to help boost my immune system about one to two weeks after my my cancer treatment. So that's that's a really good thing. And I'll stay on in her two as long as it is keeping the cancer Bay. Thankfully, I've been here for 17 years doing this, but eventually the drug will stop working and then I'll get on a new treatment. So that's sort of another fear is that okay, well What's next in the pipeline? I'll probably ask my oncologist at my next appointment, if my next PET scan shows increase, you know, what do you it's not, you know, a solid decision. But you know, what else is out there? What are my, my options? So, but for right now it's it's all it's good.

Victoria Volk  5:23  
It's so good to hear. So glad for you and your family. I'm sure it's like a party every time. Good results come back, I'm sure.

Anne Jacobs  5:33  
Yeah, it's, um, well, when I do get the PET scan results, I get them in my online health portal. And actually, I have my husband, read them, I can't I don't read them anymore. I used to just, you know, go can't wait to get the results, read them. And let's see what it is. But for I'd say for the past two years, I'll just tell him, okay, the results are in you read them and tell me what they are. Because I've asked my oncologist to send them as soon as she gets them. And because I could ask her not to put them in my portal and just wait till my next appointment. But so he'll read them. And if they're good, it's okay. You know, I physically feel myself relax. If they're not then like, okay, you know, I usually I'll have a physical reaction one way or the other. And then we'll tell my kids, and they will react to them. And they've been doing it for 17 years as well. And they will be relieved and pumped up. If it's good news. And if it's not, then they say, Okay, well, Mom's gonna go see your oncologist. And they'll come up with a new plan. And, you know, we'll go from their, I don't know, probably someday, I hope it's not for a long time, might have to have the conversation of well, we've done all we can, but I don't think about that. And I am sure they have it in the back of their mind. But because who wouldn't, but it's not something that we we focus on. So it's kind of like when the PET scan results. Give us like a wave like a wave. It's not like a big high, high low, kind of in the middle of, okay, yes, it's good, or no, it's not. And then, you know, either path, you take either path to, okay, I'm going this way to the left, or going this way to the right.

Victoria Volk  7:33  
So you get these wonderful results in the middle of a pandemic. And I'm curious how the pandemic has impacted, really probably your mindset in a lot of ways, I'm sure, or, yeah, I guess, in what ways has the pandemic affected you

Anne Jacobs  7:54  
In the in the beginning, I'm not too much, because I have to be careful. Anyway, because my immune systems compromised. So I was wearing masks on airplanes. Before the pandemic, I was washing my hands like crazy. Before the pandemic, I was, you know, doing all that picking and choosing who I could be around when I could be around people, and that kind of thing. But as time went on, I kind of probably joined the rest of the world who wasn't used to living like that, because I really resented having to wear a mask. I just like as soon as I would walk out of a store, I'd rip the thing off. I didn't wear my mask outside. Because with my, I have half of a right lung that work. So if I had it on too long, it just affected my breathing. So as soon as I get outside, I just rip the thing off because I just resented another rule that I had to follow that I had no control over. So in that it was a balancing act. Things in our house kind of were the same. My husband is a he works for himself. So he and his assistant works out there their routine, you know, at work, but he got up every day and went to work. So it felt inside the house, it felt normal, but then when I'm home alone, I could I could go out and walk I'd be outside with the dogs, but if I wanted to go anywhere, you know, maybe I couldn't the things that you know, if I wanted to go lose myself in TJ Maxx, you know, for an hour just looking at stuff. I couldn't do that. I couldn't do the things that I would normally use to escape to get back to doing things that maybe regular people do. So that that became pretty hard. And then I finally saw my mom laugh earlier this month and seen her body A year and a half, that was pretty hard. We talked every day, but not being able to know that she could fly out or I could go see her that was actually really hard. Because that was part of my life. She we would see each other 234 times a year, depending on my health and her health. So in some respects, I felt like I was holding my breath, probably like everybody else, and you hunker down and you do what you have to do in other respects. I'm sure. It was like another added layer two of constriction. And so I, I resented that end, I had to figure out, like another way, or a way to deal with another restriction, another thing that I had to conform to health wise, that became a little challenging for me.

Victoria Volk  10:51  
Well, unfortunately, things have opened up a little bit. Yes. But it's this time of recording. And towards the end of June here, it's kind of sounding ominous, again, a little bit with this other variant. And, yeah, so I guess we'll all see. Right?

Anne Jacobs  11:12  
Yeah. Yeah. And I think, you know, if, you know, if you've been through something, you kind of know what, you know, what your experience was, and how you eventually made it, through it, that experience and so you can rely on that information to, you know, prepare you for hopefully, you know, we won't go through this again. But if we have to, at some level, whether you're working from home, or you have you know, little little kids at home, or retired or you've got parents in a nursing facility, you can lean back on the experience you had and hopefully not make or make life a little bit easier. I guess, you know, we'll see. But yeah, for for right now. It was when I when I was back in Michigan, they I live in California was back in Michigan, they had lifted the requirement to wear a mask, if you were fully vaccinated. So as soon as I got out of the airport, you have to wear an airport, because it's the federal regulations and all that and then was with my mom and a doctor's appointment, you wear it in the common areas, and then in the exam room, you can take it off. But other than that, it was nobody really was wearing a mask, it was just this wonderful, like joyous feeling of awe. You know, we just felt normal again. And then I, when I got back here, just a couple days there to California, is just a couple days later, when they lifted the mask requirement that you know, you're fully vaccinated. I've noticed there's more people where I live, will wear the mask than than they were in Michigan. But either way, you have the choice, you can wear it or not, you don't have to. So I don't.

Victoria Volk  12:58  
So what have you found that has been helpful to you living with cancer during a pandemic,

Anne Jacobs  13:05  
The thing that kept popping up for me, which, or I should say, percolating to the surface, which means I've been thinking about it, or it's been, I've been pushing it down and and then it kind of keeps coming up and up and up is and I felt this for a long time I have, I tend to minimize for myself. Like the smaller losses, which what I consider, I'll explain in a minute, what I consider to be smaller losses in my life, have three friends whose their, their sons have died to way too early. And one from cancer, one by suicide and one by accidental overmedicating. And that to me, is just admire these women so much. I just don't know how they go on. But you know, they do. And I look at them, and I say, Okay, well, and just because you, you, you know, your legs hurt today and you can't walk or all you can do is brush your teeth and go back to bed. But your kids are here, you know, my three sons are here. And so I use that as a as a benchmark. But what I found is that the more that I don't deal with sometimes I'm even embarrassed to say like, I consider them to be insignificant because the loss of a child I just can't even imagine. So the rest of it I think, okay, I should be able to deal with this. Because I think God forbid what if I lost a child? Then I would say I would give anything back Yes, I will live with neuropathy in my like from my feet up to my You know, hip bone, I'll live with that. No problem, I just want my son back, I will live with the fact that, you know, I'm in bed for five days, or, you know, I'm in the hospital for five days with double pneumonia. Like, I could do anything, or I would do anything. And I know they would, too. So it's this. I don't know, if you call a push pony, but I had to realize that it's okay for me to grieve what I consider the smaller losses, like to pay attention to them, and recognize them, they all pile up, and then I become, I'm tired, because I'm not sleeping well. So I have low energy, but at the same time, I'm like, lethargic, I don't feel like doing anything, I'll, I can't concentrate. And if I do concentrate, it takes I have to just pull everything out of me to sit, you know, to do a task, when I get anxious or nervous or depressed. I, I don't, some people I know, eat my responses not eating. If I allow all these little, what I consider to be little things to pile up, then it becomes this big, huge mess. And then I don't know where to start. It's all this stuff in a pot, I pull it out, it's stuck to everything else. So where do you start and it becomes a little overwhelming. And then I might, you know, react or to emotion when it doesn't warrant it, like I might become too sad or too angry. And then I know, okay, something else is going on. I really, I have to allow myself to, to pay attention to these little things along the way recognize them into me knowing that they're they're not going to go away. And I'll probably feel the same thing, you know, next month, but if I don't allow myself that ability to, to touch them to feel them these and I'm talking about the losses, and that's what it feels like to me. You know, pick it up, hold it right, again, because if they're like unwanted houseguests, okay, I can't, this is what I can't do. But what can I do? That's sort of been my motto, but sometimes that doesn't work. And then I know I have to do a little bit more paid more attention to what's actually happening with me. Instead of saying, Hi, energy, I'm going to do this today. And I'm going to be grateful, I'm going to focus on the joy, I'm going to do something one thing that makes me happy, whether it's for myself or someone else, you know, I go through my checklist, but then if that doesn't work, then I know, okay, I've really got to, I've got to dig a little deeper and allow myself to do that. And it's my own. I don't know, comparisons not the right word, but to allow myself to to feel sad or angry that I'm in this situation. And my kids are are okay, and my husband's Okay. And you know, my family's. Okay. So that actually has been popping up quite often for the last I would say six months.

Victoria Volk  18:01  
I can't remember when. But it was after we recorded. I offered you a Reiki session. Yeah, you took part in and it was a distance Reiki session, obviously, because you're in California, and I'm in North Dakota. And what came of that is you had shared with me after that you feel like you need to well, actually what came up during the session, and I told you was that. You need to start painting? Yes. Not knowing that you were a painter. Well, one time you painted that.

Anne Jacobs  18:34  
Yeah, yeah. Like today. You look around with it. Yeah.

Victoria Volk  18:37  
So have you been painting?

Anne Jacobs  18:40  
I did. Actually. I went out and I bought this little, some little watercolors. I just mess around with it. I am not a painter. But so I did. I went out and bought that. And I did for probably about a month and a half. And then life started happening. And yes, that was something that came from the Reiki session. And it felt right. You know, it feels good. I have my I have it all downstairs for I keep some of my craft things. And but I have not done it for the last. I think January maybe because it's the new year. But I haven't done it for the last few months. But that does. And I know I'm not saying anything new here because but just to have the brush and you know, stick in the paint, whatever. I don't even think I just start. It can be just movements of my hand on the paper or, and that's usually actually what it is. And then I'll look at it and say okay, well, this looks kind of angry or this looks peaceful. Or I recognize exactly what's going on. And it's a way to get it out of my system.

Victoria Volk  19:47  
That's where I was going. Yeah, that's exactly where I was going to get there. Yeah. No, but that's where I was going that i You didn't hadn't told me that part, but that's what I was suspecting in what you were saying to about what you were sharing about minimizing. And in just these other losses, these smaller losses that are not small, I'm not minimizing them at all those were your words, but when you're feeling that way, that might be a wonderful thing to pull out when you're feeling that way. And maybe even take them outside you know.

Anne Jacobs  20:21  
Yeah, that that would be a, that, that would be a good thing. And I was actually I'm headed back to to Michigan for about three weeks. And I was thinking, well, I could, I could take it with me and just have them out, you know, and just walk by, but I can do that at home as well. But yeah, it's, it's a good way to, to just either consciously or subconsciously get the feelings out. And I used to, I used to do it a lot. So it was the Reiki session was very sort of eye opening, that you had picked up on that when we had never talked about it before.

Victoria Volk  21:05  
Do you like to share more about your experience with that Reiki session?

Anne Jacobs  21:10  
Sure. So I had thought about doing one here. Years ago, I had done some research, and I'd found someone and then probably, you know, cancer gotten away, and I couldn't do it. And then I stopped thinking about so I thought, Okay, we'll give it a try. And truthfully, like, about how's this gonna work? Because you're a nurse, Dakota, I'm here. And, you know, how does the energy you're not here in the room with me? How does the energy flow? How does this even work? So I was not skeptical, but curious. That will, okay, we'll just, we'll see how it goes. But I found that listening to the music, and, you know, knowing you were on the other end, because we didn't talk for what, like, an hour hour, that that sort of mindful connection, it made a difference. So I kind of in a way I picked I had my eyes closed, you know, as laying down, and I thought, well, Victoria is in North Dakota, but what if she was like right here, and I have my eyes closed, because it's something you when I get MRI, seguela, when I get MRIs, I close my eyes in the machine, and I just picture okay, my eyes are closed, I'll just pretend that you know, I'm by a lake or I'm in the river in, you know, near river, it's usually water. So I do this visualization. So I thought well, alright, yeah, I'll just pretend you're here in the room and what how would I be feeling what would that you know, look like anyway. So doing that made for me made this the, I guess, the energy connection. And then afterwards, I was, I felt more focused or in tune to what was, you know, going on with me, I felt a little more, I felt more at peace, a little more energized. Because I felt at peace, I didn't have the heavyweight of my anxiety or dread, do feel that like as a weight on me, so it felt freeing. So open, and I kept that feeling, probably for a month and a half. And then, you know, real life happens and just kind of piled on again. But I, I found it I thought, Okay, well, this would be a good tool to I have to consciously add this into and make time for this because it was it was more effective, honestly, than I thought it was going to be. But I also realized that the long distance, I had to, like I said, I had to maybe work a little bit harder to make that connection. Because when someone's in the room with you, you know, you feel their energy, you feel their presence and all that. So I had to just coordinate that with what was happening. And after I did that it, you know, it wasn't that hard. Because, again, you're I'm laying down and listening to the music and I'm, I'm kind of doing my work and you were doing your work somewhere between North Dakota and California. They connect him.

Victoria Volk  24:14  
Well, that just speaks to the power of the mind. Right. And our intention, and in a Reiki session, there is nothing that anyone needs to do the clients like you there was nothing you would have had to do. Right be open to receive. Right. So you just took it one step further for your own intention. Yeah, but your own intention into it. And that's, again, I'm just saying like that speaks to the power of intention. And so we can bring that in all areas of our lives.

Anne Jacobs  24:47  
Yes, yeah. Yeah, we can because for me to live with intention. It's a gift because I can't do it fully as I would like to, but I can do it and Little People So just because of, again, you know, my energy level how I'm feeling and, you know, the other living with this unwanted houseguest have to deal with. And so that I guess, also is part of, you know, when I call some of my smaller losses is to say, Oh, I'd love to do this, but I can't, I like literally, I can't physically finish something that I might want to pursue. So I have to do it in little bits and pieces, knowing that I'll never get to the end result that I might, that I might be able to if I didn't have cancer, again, it's and that has actually, that's, you know, popped up these last few months, because I'll see people around me doing these wonderful things, you know, you with your, your podcast of the year amazing guests and other friends who are, or they are living with intention. And I know they have their bad days. And I mean, everybody does, but they're seen through and I know that can't see something all the way through, I can go partway and enjoy what I can, but then I have to recognize, okay, well, you know, if I can't, I can't even think, you know, if I can't do what XYZ but I can pull up my watercolors and I can, you know just kind of mess around with that for you know, an hour, or I can I can write or I can sit down and write for 15 minutes, which is a participated in a podcast writing with a nonprofit, they help cancer patients and, and, and the woman said, you know, you just for 15 minutes, and you know, she gave us different prompts. And she told us the best way to do it. This is just take 15 minutes, just you know, sit down and write this and come back to it. So I can do these little things in pieces. Would I ever be able to write a book? Yeah, probably not. But I have a real, you know, paint, learn how to really paint, you know, probably not, but this is what I can do. So it's that balance of recognizing the losses. And then also, I can't do that, and allow myself the time to grieve it. But yes, I can do this. And so I can live with intention. Not the way I'd love to. But I still can live with intention.

Victoria Volk  27:20  
I disagree on that. I disagree on the book writing part of very much disagree on that.

Anne Jacobs  27:25  
I don't know. 

Victoria Volk  27:26  
I very much disagree. Now speaking of writing, because when we last recorded, we had a came up about writing your children letters. Yeah. Have you gotten back into that? Because I You had said that you had started doing that? 

Anne Jacobs  27:42  
I did and so I have been I haven't gotten to the point where I'm writing, you know, life time, you know, I should probably well anyway, I'm sorry. Yes, I've been, I've been sending them cards, I'll find a card that I like and then I'll, I'll write a note in it. And in I'll mail it and I don't do it. Like I could probably do it every day. Maybe like mommy's lost it so but I'll even you know, our youngest is he's in transition for he's been home for the year for for COVID. Now he's looking to go back to school. So he's been loving this as well. I'll put a letter in the mailbox for him. That just turns around and comes right back. But it's always fun to get something in the mail. So I have I have been doing that. And then I've also been sending them, you know, little texts, here and there. They're so busy, that the texts have to be super short. I love you or I think you're amazing, those kinds of things. But I haven't gotten down to actually do that writing that we've that we were talking about where it's more of a

Victoria Volk  28:50  
Lessons from mom.

Anne Jacobs  28:52  
Yeah, thank you. Yeah, yeah.

Victoria Volk  28:56  
So don't say I never told you so.

Anne Jacobs  28:59  
Yeah. Yeah.

Victoria Volk  29:04  
What do you look forward to, for the rest of 2021?

Anne Jacobs  29:08  
Well, I take it in, you know, little snapshots. So I leave mid July. And I'll go back to Michigan for about three weeks. And we have a cottage in northern Michigan. And so Chris and the boys and, and one of my son's girlfriends, they're going to come out for the last the last week, I'll, I'll be there. They come out maybe four or five, four days after and they stay for a week and then I'll stay for like another week or so. So I'm looking forward to that and then then we come back and and I get my pet scan. And then you know have the results of that. And that that's sort of is a go that far out. But beyond that we're hoping to either go have a family trip to Yosemite or the Grand Canyon. So that's, you know, out there and then my one of my brothers Is, is doing the Half Ironman back in Michigan. So in September, so I would actually like to, if I can, I'd like to go back for that, again, everything beyond the PET scan is possibilities, I've lived with that. So that's not, you know, for the, thankfully again for the last 17 years, so it's, that's not a new feeling. And that's not a new way of living. For us, it's like, well, if, you know, if I'm feeling good, then we'll, we'll do this, if I'm not, then you know, then we won't. So we've either postponed or had to cross off, you know, many different things to do as a family, but I'm hoping, because I am, I mean, I am feeling pretty good. But um, I'm hoping that we can get those participate in those things. And then comes, you know, Thanksgiving, which is a big boy, you know, they love Thanksgiving, and then there's Christmas, and, you know, everything in between. So, I always look forward to those times, because I know they're going to be home, my mom might be able to, to come out. So I have the fissures, the possibilities, and then the maybes, you know, the dangling ones. So that kind of keeps me going. And as you get closer to each one, as soon as I get the PET scan results, then I'll know what the rest of the year can look like, for me. So it's like, living in two or three months chunks at a time. I don't really have the luxury of I can plan, but I don't know if it's going to happen, you know, past August, but then again, it goes back to getting myself to the point where I'm okay, you know, focus on my, I know I have to deal with because they keep coming up these these losses, and then, okay, I feel like I've got my head above water a little bit and then get back on track with the things that, you know, I can find joy and things I find hopeful. And, and the things I have have gratitude for. So it's a it's a little slower process this time around.

Victoria Volk  32:06  
Do you know of other women in your area that have that are living with metastatic breast cancer?

Anne Jacobs  32:12  
No, not right now. I know women who are living with either currently going through treatment or have gone through treatment that they're not staged for, they might be one, two or three, but I'm in a Facebook group with metastatic breast cancer Facebook group. And that that is that is, is pretty helpful. Because I can if I'm when I need to get on and read I can, I can comment I can interact, or I can just sit back and read other people's comments, that seems to that helps a lot everyone posts on there, you know, good news, bad news and in between, and you will get so much support. And it's you know, it's heartfelt support that you can feel through, you know, the computer like you can with the Reiki, you feel that through the, you know, the headphones, and that. So that, to me is pretty helpful. And you're talking with women who are going through the same thing, they might not have the same cancer characteristics, and they might be on different drugs, but the issues are usually the same.

Victoria Volk  33:20  
Yeah, I was just wondering if there was anyone close to you? Maybe even in that group?

Anne Jacobs  33:26  
Um, there probably is. In the past, I've said, Yeah, let's meet for coffee or something that didn't happen. So right now, I don't feel a strong need. But it might be in the future. You know, I never never say never to make that connection. I know, it's I know, it's there course there's gonna there's going to be women, you know, around me or within like, an hour two hour drive, that, you know, you could go meet the Bay Area. There's a gal I know, she's, she's been dealing with metastatic cancer, she lives in Southern California, she's very active. And I used to see her more often, just because of different things would bring us together. Now. I you know, you interact through the Facebook group, but you know, if I needed to, I could pick up the phone and call or you know, and talk. So that's always available.

Victoria Volk  34:20  
And I think there's just I mean, it's a good thing to have people who really get what you're going through. Right. And so just that you have that support there. Yeah, of people who really do get it. Yeah, he's I can't I still can't wrap my head around 17 years like I When is your 18th anniversary

Anne Jacobs  34:44  
Next year. So it was actually July of 2004. And my kids were little, my youngest was had just turned four. We were in at our cottage in Michigan and my back started hurting, I thought, oh, you know, I'm running around in the water and I'm picking kids up and moving and you know, all that. So I tweaked my back. So I got a massage. And it seemed to help but the pain didn't really go away. And then it became pretty acute. So, you know, I ended up, I came back and I asked my oncologist, you know, told him what's going on? And he said, Oh, it's probably sciatic nerve. So he, we got an x ray system, like, right below, you know, my lower spine and off to the right. It came back clear. And then probably a month or so went by, and I called my primary care physician and said, you know, had this backache, it's not going away. So he x rayed from my waist down, and you know, boom, that's the cancer showed up in my lower spine and in my left hip, and so I didn't get officially diagnosed, you know, for months, probably till October. And then I didn't start treatment until maybe November, December. But I look back on I know, the cancer was there in July. It just, I hadn't got it diagnosed yet. So I was used. July is my the month. So 18 years will be next year in July. Wow, that's examinable. Maybe I can be I'll come back and in July of next year, and we will see how it's gone.

Victoria Volk  36:31  
I would love to have you. That'd be great.

Anne Jacobs  36:36  
Yeah, and it's, you know, I wouldn't, I would never expect anyone I would never expect you to, it's too hard to wrap your head around, like, what does it look like to look to live with this? Or, you know, any sort of cancer? You know, what is the day? What do you do through the every day?

Victoria Volk  36:53  
Ride the roller coaster? 

Anne Jacobs  36:55  
Yeah, yeah And it's, um, it is pretty hard to understand. Unless you live through it. And I wouldn't want anyone to have to understand it. But 1000s of women who are, you know, doing this every day, you know, you wake up one morning, just what you have, you know, you have cancer, okay. And it's not never going away. Oh, okay. And, you know, depending on your life experiences and what you've how you've handled things in the past that will influence you moving forward. And when I got diagnosed, initially, I had this alright, let's, you know, stage three, we'll beat it, we'll go through chemo, there's a start, and there's an end date, I've got this. And then you get the call. No, it spread, you know, I had no comprehension, I didn't know where to put my feet down. This was something that I had never encountered before. So I had a friend help me sort of navigate and get get a second opinion. And you go from that to a third opinion. Go back to your oncologist, you make a plan. So it's just like moving forward without a map doing the best you can. So that's led me to here. I've learned a lot along the way. But pretty amazing. I'm pretty grateful, very humbled by the fact that I'm still here. Very, very grateful.

Victoria Volk  38:15  
I love that you're here. And I love that our paths have crossed, and we will continue to do these follow ups. As long as appreciate it long as my podcast exists.

Anne Jacobs  38:28  
Well, you've had like, lived to earlier, you've had some pretty amazing guests. I was thinking, Why? Why is Victoria want to talk to me? These other people are just there. I haven't gotten through all of your podcasts yet. Because I'll sometimes I'll go back and I'll re listen to, you know, some of them. Oh, what did he or she say? But just you've had some really? Some really impactful conversations.

Victoria Volk  38:55  
Oh, there's so many more to come. I bet. Yeah. I bet. Is there anything else you'd like to share today?

Anne Jacobs  39:03  
I can't think of anything, except I guess to reiterate, what I'm I'm learning or I'm allowing myself to just deal with the, again, what I consider the smaller losses so that I can have a more peaceful existence to do find what works for you and allow yourself you know, if you have that should I should do this, or I should do that. When those shoulds come up too much. I need to really pay attention because then I'm not doing what is best for me to be the best version of myself and allow myself to push the shoulds away and the judgment therefore I have on myself and just focus on if I do this, I'm going to feel better. I'll be a better version. I'll be a better mom, wife, friend. I'll be a better and be a better person for myself too.

Victoria Volk  39:54  
That's perfect. And we will end it there because I think that's perfect.

Anne Jacobs  39:57  
Thank you. Thank you again Victoria,

Victoria Volk  40:01  
Thank you for being here and for being you and sharing all that you're learning along the way. I appreciate you, folks. And remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love from my heart to yours. Thank you for listening. If you liked this episode, please share it because sharing is caring. And until next time, give and share compassion by being hurt with yours. And if you're hurting, know that what you're feeling is normal and natural. Much love my friend.