Grieving Voices

Takeaways, Reflections, & Elaborations from Ep. 12 & 13: How We Live is How We Die & Grief in Men vs Women

September 29, 2020 Victoria V Season 1 Episode 14
Grieving Voices
Takeaways, Reflections, & Elaborations from Ep. 12 & 13: How We Live is How We Die & Grief in Men vs Women
📣 Grieving Voices
Join Grieving Voices in supporting hurting hearts everywhere!
Starting at $3/month
Support
Show Notes Transcript

Through the conversation on Episode 12 with Patsy, the conversation led to how we live is how we die - "a good death." Through personal example, I illustrate how grief and loss during life do, indeed, impact our bodies until our very last breath.

I then go into my thoughts on how men and women grieve differently, as it was briefly mentioned in Episode 13 in my conversation with Patti.

When we are resistant to life, we are resistant to death - I wholeheartedly believe this. Take a listen to this week's episode and then consider if the emotional energy you're carrying around is negatively impacting how you are living and how you perceive death and dying.

And also, how it's less about what our gender is when it comes to grief and more about how much we've allowed ourselves to dig deep, that has the most significant impact on how we grieve. Perhaps the greater differentiator of gender and grief is how we choose to (or not to) process it. That's for another episode!

I leave you with some questions to ponder at the end of this episode. More in-depth questions are our guideposts for change. We always have the answers to revert back to - to keep us on track.

Resources mentioned in this episode that have aided my healing:

______

If you or anyone you know is struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, there are free resources available HERE.

If you'd like to share your grieving voice on the show or want to share your thoughts about an episode, please send an email to victoria@theunleashedheart.com.

Are you enjoying the podcast? Check out my bi-weekly newsletter, The Unleashed Letters.
______


WAYS TO SUPPORT THE SHOW:

Support the show

This episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.

Would you like to join the mission of Grieving Voices in normalizing grief and supporting hurting hearts everywhere? Become a supporter of the show HERE.


Victoria Volk:

This is Episode 14 and today I will be talking about my takeaways and elaborations on the resistance to life and how men and women grieve differently. Which goes back to the conversations I had with Patsy on episode 12. And with Patty on episode 13, stay tuned. This is Victoria of theunleashedheart.com and you're listening to grieving voices, a podcast for hurting hearts who desire to be heard. Or anyone who wants to learn how to better support loved ones experiencing loss. As a 30 plus year griever and advanced grief recovery methods specialist I know how badly the conversation around grief needs to change. Through this podcast, I aim to educate gravers and non grievers alike. Spread hope and inspire compassion towards those hurting. Lastly, by providing my heart with yours. In this platform grievers had the opportunity to share their wisdom and stories of loss and resiliency. How about we talk about grief like we talked about the weather. Let's get started. Hello, thank you for joining me today. If this is your first time listening, welcome. If you're returning listener, welcome as well. And thank you for coming back for another episode. I would like to start today with a review that a kind heart left for me on Apple iTunes. Rural GL ER says as a griever myself, I find this podcast very valuable and insightful around the education of grief. And it provides so much connection with others that are grieving. Thank you so much Rural GL ER for your five star review. I very much appreciate it. Okay, today I am talking about my takeaways and elaborations and reflections on previous podcast episodes I had Episode 12 with Patsy and Episode 13 with Patti and Patsy her grieving voice story was sharing about caring for her dying father closing a business and divorce. And Patty shared in Episode 13 about being a widow, a young widow at that, and her struggle with her new family husband, with miscarriage and IVF. And so I want to start with Episode 12. And Patsy and Patsy had already started personal development work at the time that her father had become ill and had experienced so much loss in such a short period of time. And from what she shared it had helped her and served her well in being able to be there for her dad despite any conflicting feelings she may have had about their relationship. So my takeaway with that episode is that it's never too soon. And it's never too late to start asking yourself better questions, which really, to me is one of the key components of transformation, or change of any kind, which is you developing the best version of you that you wish to express to the world. And I could do a whole episode on this topic alone, of how grief and loss is personal development because it forces us to ask ourselves deeper questions. Anyway, in the same vein, what if we get to the end of our life? And we never invested time in ourselves to ask those deeper questions. Like, wouldn't it be great if? Or what do I need to do to be the person I want to be? Or what is the one thing that is hard for me to change about myself, but I know it would be the most impactful right now? And also another example, what are things I can do today for myself, to help myself feel better, be better, and ultimately be happier. Then I agree with the nurse that Patsy shared in her story, that we die exactly how we live and if we resist dying, are afraid of it, or filled with anxiety and emotional pain, and maybe even disease and ultimately don't experience a good death. A term I've heard often throughout my life. My dad did not have a good death. He was wrought with sorrow and fear. As a Vietnam vet, he came home a very different person inside and did his best to lock that pain away. Not to mention the grief he had endured prior to service. He ended up dying of colon cancer at the age of 44. I am 41. And at the age of 36, I had colon polyps removed. So now I have a five year screening. And our colons are actually located in our Sacral Chakra, which relates to vitality, sensation in our relationships with others. It's where despair is in symptoms of blockages of our Sacral Chakra are constipation, back pain, gynecological cysts, irregular menstruation, infertility, depression, jealousy, low self-esteem, isolation and detachment from society, and even addictive behavior. I've also in the last two years have had precancerous mole removed, and my grandmother died of melanoma. But get this even though going back to my dad's colon cancer, even though several of my dad's immediate family all had colon cancer to including his dad, his brother, and I actually think his mother as well. I know it was documented, but I haven't. I'm not exactly sure on that. But we ended up having genetic testing when my grandmother was still alive, and it revealed no genetic link. So how is it that so many people in my father's family, including himself, all had colon cancer. I'm getting off topic and perhaps this is for another episode. But as a Reiki Master, and learning more and more about energy and emotions, and how our minds and bodies and emotional energy are all connected, it's been blowing my mind what I've been learning. Circling back to how we live, and how we die. In a nutshell, if we do not bring our attention to our inner environment, then whatever what has been emotionally incomplete for us, our resentment towards a parent was, who was emotionally or physically unavailable, or if there was sexual abuse or other trauma, we carry that in our bodies, until the day we die, unless we do something about it, right? These experiences are emotional imprints that change us on a cellular level. And there are things we can do to help ourselves. There are ways we can take the reigns of our inner experience. And I have personally found grief recovery and Reiki imperative and instrumental in healing myself on a cellular level, to rewire my brain and do the work that helps those emotional imprints fade away, energy, emotion, mind, body, they're all connected, and how we live and how we die. So how do men and women experience life, grief, loss and emotions differently. And this is kind of briefly touched on in the episode 13. As I mentioned, with Patti, truthfully, I don't have data to say how different we do grieve from our counterparts. All I can speak to are generalizations because again, you can have two people, a man or a woman who both experienced the same loss. And in Patty's story, a miscarriage and the ups and downs of IVF. And depending on how much personal development work they've done, will be reflected in how they grieve. The woman carries the baby feels the baby move, nourishes the baby and develops a connection to the growing child that no man could ever understand, or will ever experience. So once that is gone, and taken unexpectedly, there is a void that's experienced very differently. Someone who experiences a loss for the very first time will likely handle it very differently than someone who has experienced several or many losses prior because like anything, the more experience and knowledge you have about anything in life will change how you react, adapt, and change. And many of us berry berry berry, until like me, after five years of personal development and learning that there's another loss. That seems to be the straw that breaks the camel's back. And for me, that loss had me asking myself, why is this affecting me as much as it is, and serving as a reminder on a physical and emotional level of all the decades of loss and trauma I experienced years before? It's as if everything just bubbled to the surface. And I believe we all experienced that one cherry on top loss, the one that like a game of Jenga, you put that piece on top, and they all come crumbling down at once. And here's the thing, I handled that loss very differently. And it prompted me to take action to help myself and gave birth to this strong desire in light led me to my purpose, which is often discovered in our pain and in our own story. In this process is very different for everyone, including men. And I think it depends on your upbringing, where you grew up, how grief was talked about how much grief and loss was experienced in life. And only blanket statement I can say is that females tend to be more emotionally expressive than males. But again, not all, and not always. So as I've been giving this thought since Patty's episode, I don't know if it's more that men and women grieve differently, or just that we all grieve differently, because we're all wired differently, and have a different and have had different life experiences that shaped us, and our views and perceptions. So that is my very quick take on and reflections on the episodes 12 and 13 with Patsy, and Patty, just give some thought to what I shared today, those deep questions that I pondered, myself included, I've really been digging into the emotional energy side of the loss I've endured and suffering and all of that. And it's really been bringing up things for me as of late, but it's been good. I'm handling it very differently now than I would have and did five years ago, five years ago, I felt absolutely crazy. And you can kind of feel that way when some of the old is being shed to bring the new to the light. And so I challenge you today, as you're listening to this and you go about your day, what do you want to shed from the old you so that the you that you desire to be can be brought to the light? Thank you so much for listening today. Stay tuned for another episode next week, where I will bring an interview with Susan and her experience in grieving voice of being a widow. She also has a podcast herself and we'll dig into that and her passion and mission now to help others as well. And I wish you so much joy and peace in the week ahead. Much love. From my heart to yours. Thank you for listening. If you liked this episode, please share it because Sharing is caring. And until next time, give and share compassion by being hurt with yours. And if you're hurting know that what you're feeling is normal and natural. Much love my friend.