Do you believe that you do not have any undelivered emotional communications?
Do you believe that you've made peace in a relationship with someone who's died?
Discover, in today's episode, the truth behind these questions, after you've heard some examples of what "undelivered communications" may look like in your day-to-day life. And, more importantly, why there's hope.
We often neglect to share our hearts with others, for fear of sounding silly, making the other person upset, or for fear of rejection. We also neglect to tell the truth about ourselves if we don't feel safe to do so as well. This is often the case within the context of dysfunctional relationships.
Learn today if you have some unfinished emotional business and also learn a bit about a new offering that is near and dear to my heart toward the end.
If you or anyone you know is struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, there are free resources available HERE.
If you'd like to share your grieving voice on the show or want to share your thoughts about an episode, please send an email to victoria@theunleashedheart.com.
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This episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.
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Victoria Volk:
This is Victoria of the unleashedheart.com and you're listening to grieving voices, a podcast for hurting hearts who desire to be heard. Or anyone who wants to learn how to better support loved ones experiencing loss. As a 30 plus year griever and advanced grief recovery methods specialist, I know how badly the conversation around grief needs to change. Through this podcast, I aim to educate gravers and non grievers alike, spread hope and inspire compassion toward those hurting. Lastly, by providing my heart with yours in this platform, grievers had the opportunity to share their wisdom and stories of loss and resiliency. How about we talk about grief, like we talked about the weather? Let's get started. Hey, there it is another week in our educational series on grief. And today's episode nine, can you recover from grief? And I'm pretty sure you're probably thinking, heck no, because if you're a longtime grieving like I was 30 plus years, you're probably thinking there is no hope. I'm always going to feel this way. I'm always going to be struggling with this. And I'm here to tell you, there is hope. You see the truth is the key to recovery. And not long ago, a good friend of mine, Michelle shared a quote on her Instagram and I'd like to read it to you. When we first tried to open her eyes after sleep it hurts. Truth gives us the same pain when it illuminates our minds. This is not an excuse to hide from it. Very true. And I thought of grief. As I read that. I'm not sure if that was necessarily her intent of it. I don't believe it was but it's pretty easy for me to tie everything back to grief. And so that quote definitely made me think of grief. If you're interested in learning more about my friend Michelle and her wise words, you can find her on Instagram@happymemichelle. I also wanna share an excerpt from the grief recovery handbook. The essence of recovery is contained in the premise of being totally honest about ourselves in relation to others. However, as humans, it is virtually impossible not to have impressions and opinions about others. So we must allow that our perception of others may limit or restrict our recovery. Being super critical of what others did or did not do usually leads to an inaccurate appraisal of our relationship with them. How's that for a truth bomb for you? Right? Whether you're grieving someone or relationship or aspects of a relationship you don't like, even if you have strong resentment or even hate. I'm here to tell you that grief recovery is possible. Do you believe you do not have any undelivered emotional communications? If you do, I'm going to tell you right now, that's likely false. What you may not consider is that we really struggle to share our inner thoughts with others. Don't you agree with that? If my son, heaven forbid, he's 15. His name is Xavier. If he were to die tomorrow, I know that I haven't shared everything with him that I appreciate what's hurt me, or that I admire about him. For example, he's amazing with young children. And he's patient and he's playful, and he devotes all his attention to those little ones. He also has respect for his elders, he'll open doors, he says please, and thank you, and most of their lawn just because he is a very good kid. And he approaches every goal with determination. And you know what? He doesn't know all of these things. Because I haven't told him. When was the last time you shared communications like this with your child, parent, sister, spouse? When was the last time you shared your heart with someone? What they mean to you? Maybe even how they've hurt you? Or how about when Trust has been broken with a friend? Do they know? We often avoid the hard conversations to for fear of rocking the boat, ruffling feathers or to avoid confrontation. So yes, I am 99.9% certain that as you're listening to this, that you have undelivered emotional communications with friend or foe and that both positive and negative, you may have unfinished business. If there was a long term illness and you're a caregiver, you were likely preoccupied as the caregiver, and not one you cared for was the patient focused on their illness and their treatment and their medication and focused on just getting better. You can't speak to each other like you normally would. Or how about the instance of divorce? It isn't until the sense of finality when the gunk hits us. What if it's a negative relationship? And you have lots of hopes and dreams, you hope to mend fences, you may wait for an apology that you'll never get. And doing that my friend keeps you in emotional jail. If it's functional home, you may have realized that you missed out on a normal, healthy childhood, what would have been normal. Understand that unfinished emotions attach themselves to future events. I'll use my personal experience to illustrate how unfinished emotions attach themselves to future events. In my childhood, I had been molested. And because of that I developed a lack of trust, a lack of self worth. I sought out unhealthy relationships. I had been looking for someone to fill a need that I couldn't give myself. I was filled with shame. I also abused alcohol. And I got myself into unsafe situations. And I took risks. And I didn't care. There's a song by Miranda Lambert called the house that built me. And it was a song that really spoke to me in my 20s into my 30s and really captured a lot of what I had been feeling in terms of grief and things like that. And part of the lyrics go like this. I thought if I could touch this place or feel it, this brokenness inside me might start healing. Out here it's like I'm someone else. I thought maybe I could find myself. If I could just come in, I swear I'll leave won't take nothing but a memory from the house that built me. You leave home, you move on, and you do the best you can. I got lost in this old world and forgot who I am. The lyrics in that song encompass a lot of what I had been feeling for many years. And now that you likely realize that you have to unfinished business, emotional business within a relationship, or undelivered emotional communications. I will share that yes, you can recover from grief due to the examples I gave or too many other causes. And now I'll share a little bit of the how the grief recovery method is the only evidence based program for moving beyond impact processing grief. The only one. It's not based on evidence. It's evidence based. Meaning it's not based on testimonials. It's actually based on actual data had been conducted in a study I can't University. So yes, this program works. If you do the work, and continue to apply the tools and education you receive to every relationship that you have. That is emotionally incomplete. I have applied this method to relationships with people in my life living deceased, to alcohol, which by the way I'm nine months now alcohol free. I've applied it to money, my inner child or that relationship I have to myself. This is the one method that I come back to over and over and over. It is why I cannot not talk about it. When I say it's changed my life that is not Fufu talk. I look back on who I was on that plane to Austin, Texas in March 2019. And who I am now and it's apples and oranges. The changes I've made in my life, the impact that this program has had on my heart and the ripples it's created to still to this day still. Just blow my mind. And you know what, there were unexpected results as well and changes because not everyone in your life will be comfortable with your growth. And sometimes we outgrow relationships. But know that even if that happens, even if the people that you are closest to, start fading to the background, as they start to recognize and see these changes that you go through. Know that you'll have grief recovery to fall back on to process that relationship as well. This is an educational program, as much as it is a therapeutic one. Even though it's not therapy, it's just very therapeutic. But it's tools that you will have in your back pocket for the rest of your life. And you know what they say about education? No one, no one can take your education away from you. Do you believe me now? When I say that you can recover from grief? Do you recognize that you may have emotional undelivered communications and unfinished business with the relationship in your life? These are big questions, if you're honest, and you tell the truth to yourself, about what it is that is still emotionally incomplete for you. That's when you start to realize where the healing needs to start where it needs to take place where you've got some work to do. And I'm laying out a program for you. It's here, it's right here. And it's available to you, no matter where you are, no matter where you're listening to this, I can work with you one on one online. And we can start as soon as you're ready. It is an incredible time, right now. There's a lot of change. There's a lot of dis-ease in our lives. There's a lot of unrest going on in the world. But I'll tell you one thing, if you start to dig into your heart, and you start to do this work, and you start to peel back the onion that's filled with all of the gunk, and the layers of hurt. And all of that stuff. If you start to peel that back, bit by bit, you feel lighter and lighter and lighter. And that is how I came home on that plane. Back in March of 2019. I came home so much lighter, and emotional boulder had been lifted from my shoulders. Now, I'm not going to say that it's going to be as dramatic or it's going to feel as massive of a shift that I felt. Because grief is individual. And it's unique to each and every one of us. But if you've listened to this podcast long enough, or if you've read my book or if you read my blog at all, you will know that I've had a lot of grief in my life. So if I can share that this works for me, and that it can work for you. That's my hope. That is hope. And so when I open this podcast today, I said that maybe this episode is more about hope. And I think it is. So I'm going to leave you with that today that there is hope. As you listen to this, as you've reflected on your life, the losses that you've endured, the pain, the suffering, the hurt, know that I've been there too, for many years, and it is often the things that we can't say to people. And I'm getting emotional as I start to say this. But this method can change your life. Like it changed mine. Because the hard things that we can't say to people that we feel like we can't say that we don't feel safe, sane. We don't need to say them to the other person. We can utilize this program and the container that it is delivered in and with me as a facilitator to address what is emotionally incomplete and a safe, supported, step by step way. So thank you for listening today. I hope you feel the hope in my heart for you. And if you have any questions about the program, if you've caught anything on my social media and Instagram I've been sharing about the helping children with Loss Program, which is another phenomenal program based on the grief recovery method, but it's specifically for the adults in children's lives. It is the program that I wish my mother would have known about. That I wish if she would have known about that, she would have utilized because I don't know that I would have suffered in my life. As much as I had the opportunity to process this grief, way back when that program, the helping children with Loss Program is prevention. That's where this program that I've been talking about today is recovery. But there is actually a program for prevention. And that's why I'm very passionate as well about that program. And I'm looking for four people to go through it at a discounted rate. If you're a parent, caregiver, foster parent, you've adopted, you're a social worker, you are school staff, faculty, part of an organization where you you take care of children, children are in your care. This is for you to. Reach out to me victoria@theunleashedheart.com if you're interested in learning more. I'm looking for four people for that program to walk through it to make sure I got all the all the bells and whistles and the kinks worked out. Thank you for your time today. And I will see you next week. I will see you but you'll hear from me next week about that. Much love. From my heart to yours. Thank you for listening. If you liked this episode, please share it because Sharing is caring. And until next time, give and share compassion by being hurt with yours. And if you're hurting know that what you're feeling is normal and natural. Much love my friend.