Grieving Voices

Kiki Tyler | Best Friend Loss & A Midlife Awakening

January 09, 2024 Victoria V | Kiki Tyler Season 4 Episode 175
Kiki Tyler | Best Friend Loss & A Midlife Awakening
Grieving Voices
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Grieving Voices
Kiki Tyler | Best Friend Loss & A Midlife Awakening
Jan 09, 2024 Season 4 Episode 175
Victoria V | Kiki Tyler

Send Victoria a text message!

In the symphony of life, each person's journey hits a unique set of notes, creating a melody that resonates with their experiences.

Welcome to another episode of Grieving Voices, where we explore the therapeutic and transformative power of sound healing. Today's guest is the incredibly talented sound healer, Kiki Tyler, who takes us on a journey through her personal story of grief and how it led her to discover her purpose in helping others heal.

Kiki Tyler is a renowned sound healer known for creating immersive sonic landscapes that promote healing and self-discovery. She harmonizes body, mind, and spirit using various instruments through resonating frequencies. Her intuitive approach and extensive knowledge allow her to facilitate deeply restorative experiences.

In This Episode:

  • Learn about Kiki’s transition from experiencing deep personal loss to finding solace in sound therapy.
  • Hear the poignant tale of how losing her best friend inspired her to become a healer.
  • Understand the importance of allowing oneself to grieve openly without societal pressure.
  • Discover how grief evolves from sharp pain to fond memories that inspire growth.
  • Gain insights into navigating friendship dynamics after loss and honoring those connections moving forward.
  • Learn tips on how you can help loved ones cope with their losses based on real-life experience.
  • How encountering multiple losses prompted significant lifestyle changes, including setting boundaries for better work-life balance.
  • An overview of distance Reiki sessions and virtual sound baths – demystifying quantum healing across physical spaces.

Takeaways:
Kiki’s story encourages us to reflect on how we handle loss within our networks — supporting colleagues during their times of need fosters deeper connections and community strength. It also poses a question worth pondering: How do we honor ourselves and others amidst adversity?

Remember — It’s okay to feel and express emotions; vulnerability isn't weakness—it's human strength unveiled amidst adversity.

RESOURCES:

  • Reiki
  • Biofield Tuning
  • Episode Sponsor: Magic Mind | Use the code "GRIEVINGVOICES" to receive one month free with a 3-month subscription. This special promotion is only for January!

CONNECT:

_______

NEED HELP?

  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-8

Support the Show.

This episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.

Would you like to join the mission of Grieving Voices in normalizing grief and supporting hurting hearts everywhere? Become a supporter of the show HERE.


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Show Notes Transcript

Send Victoria a text message!

In the symphony of life, each person's journey hits a unique set of notes, creating a melody that resonates with their experiences.

Welcome to another episode of Grieving Voices, where we explore the therapeutic and transformative power of sound healing. Today's guest is the incredibly talented sound healer, Kiki Tyler, who takes us on a journey through her personal story of grief and how it led her to discover her purpose in helping others heal.

Kiki Tyler is a renowned sound healer known for creating immersive sonic landscapes that promote healing and self-discovery. She harmonizes body, mind, and spirit using various instruments through resonating frequencies. Her intuitive approach and extensive knowledge allow her to facilitate deeply restorative experiences.

In This Episode:

  • Learn about Kiki’s transition from experiencing deep personal loss to finding solace in sound therapy.
  • Hear the poignant tale of how losing her best friend inspired her to become a healer.
  • Understand the importance of allowing oneself to grieve openly without societal pressure.
  • Discover how grief evolves from sharp pain to fond memories that inspire growth.
  • Gain insights into navigating friendship dynamics after loss and honoring those connections moving forward.
  • Learn tips on how you can help loved ones cope with their losses based on real-life experience.
  • How encountering multiple losses prompted significant lifestyle changes, including setting boundaries for better work-life balance.
  • An overview of distance Reiki sessions and virtual sound baths – demystifying quantum healing across physical spaces.

Takeaways:
Kiki’s story encourages us to reflect on how we handle loss within our networks — supporting colleagues during their times of need fosters deeper connections and community strength. It also poses a question worth pondering: How do we honor ourselves and others amidst adversity?

Remember — It’s okay to feel and express emotions; vulnerability isn't weakness—it's human strength unveiled amidst adversity.

RESOURCES:

  • Reiki
  • Biofield Tuning
  • Episode Sponsor: Magic Mind | Use the code "GRIEVINGVOICES" to receive one month free with a 3-month subscription. This special promotion is only for January!

CONNECT:

_______

NEED HELP?

  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-8

Support the Show.

This episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.

Would you like to join the mission of Grieving Voices in normalizing grief and supporting hurting hearts everywhere? Become a supporter of the show HERE.


Victoria Volk:
(00:01:37 - 00:02:16)
Thank you for tuning in to Grieving Voices. Today, my guest is Kiki Tyler. She is a sound healer known for her transformative ability to weave intricate sonic landscapes that guide individuals on journeys of healing, expansion and self-discovery. With a deep understanding of the therapeutic power of sound vibrations, Kiki creates immersive soundscapes using an array of instruments, resonating frequencies that harmonize the body, mind, and spirit. Her intuitive approach, combined with her knowledge of sound therapy techniques, allows Kiki to facilitate deeply restorative experiences, helping our clients release tension, restore balance, and unlock their inner potential.

Victoria Volk:
(00:02:16 - 00:02:57)
Through her gentle and compassionate guidance, Kiki Sound Healing Sessions offer a sacred space for profound healing and inner alignment. Thank you so much for sharing that beautiful bio with me and for the work that you do because, clearly, it's needed because who doesn't need some inner alignment, right, these days in a world that seems very out of alignment? What I've come to know even for myself personally and majority of people who come to my podcast, their work is from a place of pain often from pain to purpose. Right? And, that's what I often see.

Victoria Volk:
(00:02:57 - 00:03:02)
And so what led you to doing the work that you're doing today.

Kiki Tyler
(00:03:03 - 00:03:31)
It was definitely from a place of pain and intense grief, and it was one that I was in denial from, very close friend of mine, we had been close friends, best friends for almost 9 years. Traveled around, did fitness events together. During 2020, she was diagnosed out of the blue with stage four lung cancer. Doctors gave her 2 weeks, and she said, I'm gonna hang around a little bit longer.

Kiki Tyler
(00:03:31 - 00:03:50)
I wanna vote this year. And she was she was stubborn. She hung around for a little over 4 months, which I got to spend a lot of time with her during the lockdown. We both were safe. She took hospice into our own hands and kind of just maintained and managed her pain, and she made it fun.

Kiki Tyler
(00:03:50 - 00:04:12)
Like, she had her own visiting hours. She used cat means, like, it was her personality through and through all the way up to the end. We're actually coming up on her 3 year anniversary of her passing. She passed peacefully in her sleep on December 12th. And I was close to their husband and worked closely with him kind of just clearing things out, packing up for things, donating things.

Kiki Tyler
(00:04:12 - 00:04:30)
So through all of that, I didn't realize I was in denial. I was shoving everything down and showing up for him. And plus the lockdown, and we couldn't have the traditional funeral or life celebration or say any type of goodbyes. It was a very unique time for me.

Victoria Volk
(00:04:31 - 00:04:36)
I'm just trying to wrap my head around because she would have been quite young at the time.

Kiki Tyler
(00:04:37 - 00:04:37)
55.

Victoria Volk
(00:04:38 - 00:04:41)
I mean, I'm looking at you, and I think you look really young.

Kiki Tyler
(00:04:42 - 00:04:53)
Thank you. I yes. I'll be 43 in March. But, yeah, she was like the older another older sister for me. We just it. It was it was great.

Kiki Tyler
(00:04:53 - 00:05:00)
She's here in spirit. She's actually one of my spirit guides. Purple she dyed her hair purple. It was one of her favorite colors. She was a huge Baltimore Ravens fan.

Kiki Tyler
(00:05:00 - 00:05:25)
And, usually, there's purple, purple orbs or things when I'm doing healing sessions or when I'm working with my sound bowls. Like, I can always feel her here. So that was a beautiful transition, but, I'm kind of skipping ahead. I had all that denial, and I didn't know what I would to do with it. I and then I went through anger, and a girlfriend had invited me to a women's retreat.

Kiki Tyler
(00:05:25 - 00:05:37)
You know, what the heck? I'm tired of being cooped up. Like, I need to do something.
 We were all safe and distanced. It was outdoors mainly, and that's when I had my 1st reiki and sound experience.

Kiki Tyler
(00:05:37 - 00:06:05)
And we were we did a beautiful sunrise yoga world, and there were reiki walking around asking if you wanted to receive. And I was like, I don't know what it is, but sure. And it was like the tap had opened, and I was just sobbing and crying, and it was the waterworks. I was ugly crying laying on the floor, but it was like this huge weight had been lifted off my heart and my shoulders. And I kinda opened my eyes, and there were tears coming down the practitioner's eyes.

Kiki Tyler
(00:06:05 - 00:06:17)
Like, she was an empath, so she was feeling what I was feeling. And I remember connecting with her immediately afterwards. And what was that? How can I learn more about it? Like, I've never experienced anything.

Kiki Tyler
(00:06:17 - 00:06:39)
It was intense, but it was also very liberating. And the other woman was a sound practitioner, and she was doing, chakra tuning, like alignments with her tuning forks. And she was doing little 15 minutes, and I was like, sure. Let's try it. And, you know, I had a headache from all the crying and dehydration.

Kiki Tyler
(00:06:39 - 00:06:55)
I was about a 5, 6 hour drive, so I had low back pain. I didn't tell her any of this. She intuitively scans me, pulls out her tuning forks, and picks 3 that that she was drawn to work with and she's playing them over me. Headache was gone. Low back pain was gone.

Kiki Tyler
(00:06:55 - 00:07:04)
I slept like a baby that night. It was amazing. So, of course, same thing. What was that? What did I just experience?

Kiki Tyler
(00:07:04 - 00:07:09)
How can I get more of it, and how can I share this with the world? This needs to be, like, mainstream knowledge.

Victoria Volk
(00:07:10 - 00:07:34)
My story too, I fell into reiki and it finds you. Right? I think when the student is ready, the teacher appears and then, that's I kinda fell into it by accident too. I put accident in quotation. But I just wanna share this because I'm still thinking about what that would have been like for her and your your friend and to be, I mean, relatively young.

Victoria Volk
(00:07:34 - 00:07:44)
And to be told, you have 2 weeks. Like, 2 weeks? How many people I mean, like, what did she take that for an answer?

Kiki Tyler
(00:07:45 - 00:08:01)
It was hard. Throughout that period, we had just said goodbye to another dear friend of ours who passed from breast cancer who had made it through 3 different rounds of chemo. And they were also really close. She was going and she saw her friend do that. And that could have been an option, but it would have only given her a handful of months.

Kiki Tyler
(00:08:01 - 00:08:17)
And she saw what it did, and she's like, that's not worth a few extra months. Like, I want to be happy. I want people to remember me this way, and I don't want them to see me whether it way like that. And I kinda wanted to go out on my terms, and we did different pop-up classes. We visited her apartment complex.

Kiki Tyler
(00:08:18 - 00:08:29)
She was just a really bright light, like, throughout the whole process. And she was there for me. She was there for other she was worried about every of it. She's like, I'm okay. I'm not in pain.

Kiki Tyler
(00:08:29 - 00:08:53)
I've made my peace with it. Worried about my husband and my cats, but other than that, like, she reconnected with family, made sure that she saw the people she wanted to see, made amends with the people she wanted to make amends with. She was in a really like, I very strong. I have a lot of respect for her.  I don't think I I would handle it that way, but you don't know until you're in that situation.

Kiki Tyler
(00:08:53 - 00:09:19)
Between 2018 and 2020, we had lost 4 different instructor friends to cancer of some kind or another. So it's we I always do the fundraisers when it comes around, whether it's breast cancer, colon whatever it is. Sick. We go and we dance and we would be part of them, but that's when I had a lot of people reach out and say, are you gonna do 1 in her honor or her memory? And the questions are, what are you gonna do?

Kiki Tyler
(00:09:19 - 00:09:35)
How are you celebrating? And a lot of people reached out to me because we were the we were the dynamic duo. Like, we would co-teach and and host a lot of events together. And I was like, guys, she doesn't want this. She just wants to hang out with her friends, visit her, have a coffee.

Kiki Tyler
(00:09:35 - 00:09:56)
She doesn't want like, if there are no medical bills, she's fine. She's not gonna need help with anything, thankfully, again, she was very blessed in that area. And she stayed at home, so she didn't even have traditional hospice care. She had a nurse come once or twice a week, manage her pain med meds, and that was about it. But, yeah, very young.

Victoria Volk
(00:09:57 - 00:10:12)
You know, not a lot of people would have the wherewithal to choose to have a death that they want.  And do you think it was just the work that she had been doing? Because she had been doing the similar thing as you, I imagine.

Kiki Tyler
(00:10:14 - 00:10:39)
I don't I don't know. I know she and I talked a lot when our friend Donna had passed, and it was really hard for both of us to watch and she was withering away. I mean, I don't know the dosage of the chemo, but she was on her 4th round, and she had lost, like, 60 or 70 pounds. She would had very low energy. And I know Sonia was very much like, I don't want that for myself.

Kiki Tyler
(00:10:39 - 00:10:54)
I don't want my friends and family to see me go through that. I don't wanna see me go she was just very clear on what she wanted and didn't want, and she controlled the narrative of her exit and her final chapter.

Victoria Volk
(00:10:54 - 00:11:14)
And I think if we all can take anything from you sharing that is that if you have an opportunity to do so, to not be afraid to speak up for yourself. Right? Yes. Have the kind of death that you want to have. Because I know that can probably be very difficult for the for the loved ones.

Victoria Volk
(00:11:14 - 00:11:21)
Right? Like, do the chemo. Do the treatment. I want you know, I don't want you to they don't want their loved one to go. Right?

Victoria Volk
(00:11:21 - 00:11:24)
So I can't imagine. I'm sure she got a lot of pushback maybe.

Kiki Tyler
(00:11:25 - 00:11:36)
She did. She controlled her socials and how people communicated, and I was kind of a little bit of a buffer. We talked about that. I was like, how can I help you? Even just announcing it and sharing with certain people.

Kiki Tyler
(00:11:36 - 00:12:00)
She told her close family, but she asked if I felt comfortable sharing with people and just making announcements to more of our closer circle. And I think that opened the door for people to reach out to me instead of her, but it was why isn't she getting chemo? Why isn't she fighting? I wish she would have changed her you know? And I know and understand now those suggestions recommend they were coming from a place of love, but also fear.

Kiki Tyler
(00:12:00 - 00:12:15)
Like, they didn't want to lose her. And I don't know what was going through their mind. I just knew what going through my mind. I wanted her to have the happiest transition possible. So if I can make that happen, and she didn't want parties or she didn't want fundraisers.

Kiki Tyler
(00:12:15 - 00:12:19)
She didn't wanna go to chemo. Like, I wanted to honor her wishes.

Victoria Volk
(00:12:20 - 00:12:30)
Some people may be wondering after she passed in with the anniversaries and things, how do you personally honor her memory?

Kiki Tyler
(00:12:31 - 00:13:10)
I mean, she's with me every day. It's hard for me to teach a dance class where I don't think of her. I actually had to take a break for about 6 months from teaching. I thought I was not gonna teach again because of how raw and real. The grief was once I finally did allow it out and up, but It brings me joy.

Kiki Tyler
(00:13:11 - 00:13:35)
It brings others joy, and that's one of the things we both wanted to do together. And I used to not even be able to cry in public, and now I'm crying on a podcast. So progress, It's okay. It's okay to feel. It's not a bad thing.

Kiki Tyler
(00:13:35 - 00:14:01)
It's not a sign of weakness. I mean, I sat on the couch and I cried when we cried together, just absorbing the weight and the gravity of the news. I don't think, as a society, we allow people that time to process. We kinda wanna rush through the pain. We wanna rush through the hard parts, and that's where the most growth happened.

Kiki Tyler
(00:14:02 - 00:14:18)
I wouldn't be where I am today. I wouldn't have unlocked and reconnected with the gifts that I have, if I didn't go through those experiences, not saying I want them or wish for them, but I needed to go through those shadows to really appreciate and honor the light.

Victoria Volk
(00:14:20 - 00:14:36)
That's beautifully said, and thank you for sharing. And just so people listening, it's not like you're never gonna be sad. Right? Like, the sadness doesn't go away. You still would rather be teaching with your friend.

Victoria Volk
(00:14:36 - 00:14:53)
Right?  Like, that's not gonna go away. But can you describe how it's different now versus how the grief is different now than how it was maybe even after a year, you know, the magical year.

Kiki Tyler
(00:14:53 - 00:15:07)
Right. I feel like mine was 2 years, but that's because I stunted my grief personal, and I was in denial. So, it does get I don't even wanna say easier. It's it gets different. Right.

Kiki Tyler
(00:15:07 - 00:15:18)
You look back and you remember things in fondness and the pain isn't as sharp. You know? You miss them. Like, there are times I've gone to text her and I'm like, alright. I'm just gonna talk to you.

Kiki Tyler
(00:15:18 - 00:15:29)
You're here. I know you're here. You know? Like, I have voice memos or, you know, Facebook has the time hop or the time memories that come up. And I'm like, oh, that was such a fun dance.

Kiki Tyler
(00:15:29 - 00:15:37)
I'm gonna put that in. Like, I saw that. It's for a reason. I miss you. I love you, and I'm gonna share it again.

Kiki Tyler
(00:15:38 - 00:15:46)
But, some days it just hits you, and you have this sharp memory and you just wanna hug them.

Victoria Volk
(00:15:50 - 00:16:22)
You know, and best friend loss, even friend loss, is something that I wouldn't say it's minimized, but it definitely doesn't get the attention that other losses get, death of a spouse or significant other or a child. Yeah. Of course, a child or a parent, grandparent, or what have you., But friendships, how would you describe how what your friendship meant to you and the importance of friendship in someone's life.

Kiki Tyler
(00:16:25 - 00:16:54)
That's a really deep question. I have friendships on and I don't even like to say levels. They're just you have different people in your life, and you can go to them for different types of support, different types of advice. She was that all around girlfriend or sister that I could call, and I knew she'd support me. I knew she'd call me on my BS.

Kiki Tyler
(00:16:54 - 00:17:26)
She was not the I'm gonna tell you what you want to hear person. She's like, I'm here for you, but we're not gonna sit in this type friendship. And It's been hard to I don't wanna say replace, but to fill those shoes, and I avoided making new friends. After that, I still stayed close with my current friends, but there was this, is there ever gonna be anybody close to her?  And it's not to replace her.

Kiki Tyler
(00:17:26 - 00:17:55)
That's not the intention. But when I started to make new friends, particularly in the the spiritual and the healing space, I realized there were more women out there like that and started to open myself up to deeper friendships and let them all back down because I don't wanna get hurt again. And I was I was only blocking myself from those connections. And we're we're human. We're people.

Kiki Tyler
(00:17:55 - 00:18:37)
We gather. We need that socialization. And as much as I love my alone time and I'm an introvert and I like to grab a book and snuggle with my cats, like, I also like to sit and have cacao with my girlfriends and, like, talk about really deep, cool woo woo stuff too and sound healing and reiki and, like, let's feel better. What hurts? You know, and we just are all brainstorming instead of sitting watching dumpster fires and getting sucked into that lower vibe energy, and she was definitely that high vibe, alright, where you and the same she would do it with her students, and she was just genuine with every single person in her life.

Kiki Tyler
(00:18:37 - 00:19:00)
It didn't matter if you were an acquaintance, she saw you once a week, once a month, once a quarter. Like, she would just treat everybody the same, and she's she's had a lot of admirable qualities. So I remember those skills and traits that she shared and showed me, and I honor her by emulating that. And sometimes think, what would Sonia do or say?

Victoria Volk
(00:19:03 - 00:19:24)
You know, so she had a spouse, has a spouse, who was left behind. Right?, Mhmm. How did what can you share with listeners on how, as her best friend, how you supported him and her family and if you have if you learned anything from that experience that you can share.

Kiki Tyler
(00:19:26 - 00:20:06)
Yeah. It was the 2 of them and their 2 cats, and her father had passed, and I believe her mother had, so I never met her parents. She was close with his mom, and she had just reconnected with her son. So he was starting to come back into the picture, and her son and husband developed a very fast friendship and started walking every week, where they spread her ashes. And I remember after we finally packed up and cleaned out a lot of her clothing and everything, and and cleared out that room.

Kiki Tyler
(00:20:06 - 00:20:43)
He as soon as his lease was up, he moved into a new apartment, which I mean, I spent 20 years in that place, so I couldn't even imagine what it was like for him. But we had several, like, brunch dates, lunches, just messaging him and reaching out. He had a very good support system hit with his family and her son as well. And, he unfortunately  passed of a heart attack earlier this year, which was  they say it could be broken heart. I mean, it was tough.

Kiki Tyler
(00:20:44 - 00:21:07)
But I had reached out and we were seeing each other less and less, and I don't know if I didn't take that personally. I don't know if that was too much of a memory for him, and he needed that space. But I promised her I would check in and reach out and at least do what I could on my side, but it was hard. It was hard for him. He would we try to make light of it, but, yeah, we sat and cried a bit too.

Kiki Tyler
(00:21:08 - 00:21:08)
Yeah.

Victoria Volk
(00:21:08 - 00:21:24)
After losing so many, you said 4 different friends in a short period of time, did that how did that make you did that cause you to change anything in your life or cause you to look at your health differently or your life differently?

Kiki Tyler
(00:21:25 - 00:21:47)
Yes. It really helped me create boundaries. And before that, I was very much a yes person, a people pleaser and a workaholic to the point where I wasn't seen as much of my friends as they would have liked or I would have liked. And it was easy to say, oh, but I have work. But I could have basically said no.

Kiki Tyler
(00:21:47 - 00:22:34)

So there was a lot more no. There was a lot more, I'm not gonna sub as many classes because I'm gonna spend quality time with my loved ones, whether that be family, friends, girlfriends, what have you. More more time with myself to dial into what I felt were my priorities and really sit with, are these mine? Is this something that was planted whether it be from Parents or other parental figure society. It doesn't matter where it came from, but just really revisiting my belief system and just kind of checking things to make sure I wasn't you know, we talked about alignment at the beginning of this, and it's so quick and easy to get just a little a little off.

Kiki Tyler
(00:22:34 - 00:22:51)
But if you if it goes unchecked, now all of a sudden, you're all the way over here. But if you catch it, it's easier to bring it back to the center line. I mean, it's like, we take better care of our cars and our instruments than we do our bodies. Right? You get that gotta get that oil changed.

Kiki Tyler
(00:22:51 - 00:23:11)
You gotta get this the all the fluids and everything fixed. When you have instruments or a piano that's out of tune, you're calling somebody to fix it, so it sounds right. But we often ignore our our creaks and cracks and, like, our body sending that signals. So just slowing down was a big thing for me because I was go, go, go, go, go. 100 miles an hour.

Kiki Tyler
(00:23:11 - 00:23:15)
Right? Don't wanna stop. Don't wanna think. Don't wanna slow down. And it's easier.

Kiki Tyler
(00:23:15 - 00:23:16)
You don't have to feel.

Victoria Volk
(00:23:16 - 00:23:16)
Mhmm.

Kiki Tyler
(00:23:16 - 00:23:46)
And feeling that the feeling can be painful. And I avoided the pain, and I avoided the darkness, and I didn't want to do the work. I kept telling myself, I'm not ready, but things like this hit you. And like you said, there were the 4, and then with her, and then I had this denial and anger, and I just I had shut down. My partner, like, you're wearing a lot of gray and black where I always used to wear a ton of color.

Kiki Tyler
(00:23:46 - 00:24:11)
He's like, you're coming home, you're reading, like, you're not active. You're not seeing people, and this is when things started to open back up when we could. He's like, I'm worried about you, and that's kind of around the same time the retreat happened. And that's what led me like you said, the the teacher appears when the student is ready, so I took my 1st, Reiki Practitioner training level 1. And my intention was only level 1.

Kiki Tyler
(00:24:11 - 00:24:37)
Like, I really wanted to focus on healing me and getting better. But in doing the work and tapping more into my values and my sole purpose, I'm here for a bigger reason. My purpose is bigger than me. So continued to follow that path, and now I'm teaching and then same thing with sound. Just really wanted to learn and play for myself to heal and get into a better feeling place, but then started sharing it with girlfriends and, like, can you play for me?

Kiki Tyler
(00:24:37 - 00:24:55)
Maybe you should do this. Oh, this makes me feel better. I can sleep better. I'm not stressed. So and just if I was still in the same state of a 100 miles an hour and being a workaholic, I never would have heard these pulls and these tugs on my soul to go in the right direction.

Victoria Volk
(00:24:57 - 00:25:21)
We have to pause in order to hear those things. Right? You have to be able to so I everything you shared about, like, our body alignment and getting mislined and taking care of our cars better than we do our bodies and all of those things you said I just said in a healing session just a couple of days ago, 1st time healing session for someone. It's like we don't understand. Like, we haven't we are energy.

Victoria Volk
(00:25:21 - 00:25:29)
We are an energetic body. And just you go to the chiropractor. You don't think twice. You know? Get your Right.

Victoria Volk
(00:25:29 - 00:25:31)
Neck put in alignment, like,

Kiki Tyler
(00:25:31 - 00:25:32)
Yeah.

Victoria Volk
(00:25:32 - 00:25:41)
Connected. Everything is connected. And so do you use sound bowls, or do you use the tuning forks like you initially experienced?

Kiki Tyler
(00:25:42 - 00:25:43)
Both. How about

Victoria Volk
(00:25:43 - 00:25:44)
the count?

Kiki Tyler
(00:25:44 - 00:25:59)
The weighted forks were the were the first things I purchased. I loved them. I worked with them on myself. I've shared them with family and friends, and I pretty much mimicked what I went through and just got better at trusting my intuition of what forks use, doing chakra scans. Love the singing bowls.

Kiki Tyler
(00:26:00 - 00:26:20)
That was my next investment. I now have added flute, gong, drum. I've got a list of other things I wanna add, and it's kind of just following that intuition and what I'm drawn to, what the people need. And many of my Reiki clients asked for me to play at the end or they're like, can we do half and half? And I'm very a la carte.

Kiki Tyler
(00:26:20 - 00:26:46)
There's no, like, regimented or cookie cutter. It's you may have signed up for Reiki, but I'm feeling like I really need to play this goal for you while I'm sending Reiki, and they're like, I'm here for it. So I'm a 100% virtual. I have had the opportunity to teach some small group in person sound baths, but everything I do has been over Zoom, and My clients love that. A lot of times, they'll turn their screen off or they'll have their phone next to them.

Kiki Tyler
(00:26:46 - 00:27:07)
So I'm looking up at the ceiling or the van, and then they're like, thanks, Kiki. And they, like, turn it off, and then they're already in bed. So they have the best night sleep of their life. A lot of times, they'll get visions or answers things that they were seeking and setting intentions for throughout the evening. And I love the convenience of it because I'm, like, right in our back pocket with the use of a phone.

Victoria Volk
(00:27:08 - 00:27:13)
So how would you describe how do you describe to your clients? How does this work over distance?

Kiki Tyler
(00:27:15 - 00:27:17)
The sound or the reiki?

Victoria Volk
(00:27:18 - 00:27:31)
Both. Right? I mean, well, the sound. I mean but you can even do sound like, I do sound healing. I do the tuning forks, but I tell clients, like, you can go about your day, and I can conduct a session.

Victoria Volk
(00:27:31 - 00:27:55)
And but explaining that is re like, how like, I had the hardest time wrapping my head around it too when I first started. And I still honestly, I  like, trip over my words, and I feel like I'm a blubbering mess when I try to explain because it's so mystical even to me. Like, it's so childlike. Like, it's you know what I mean?

Kiki Tyler
(00:27:55 - 00:27:55)
It's magical.

Victoria Volk
(00:27:56 - 00:27:56)
It is.

Kiki Tyler
(00:27:56 - 00:28:05)
Yeah. It is. And that's and I guess I don't question it.  So for me, it's like, I get the same thing. People ask, oh, what?

Kiki Tyler
(00:28:05 - 00:28:15)
Like, it's quantum healing, and then you get another look. And I'm like, okay. So Everything that we're talking about is very etheric. Right? There's this etheric realm, different dimension.

Kiki Tyler
(00:28:15 - 00:28:36)
So I do the healing in that realm. So we don't you know, time is not linear. It's past, present, future. It's all happening at the same time. So I'm doing, Akashic answer sessions right now, and it really I was talking about this with a woman last night, and she's like, it just blew me away that you can go into my records, and I don't have to be, like, present on Zoom.

Kiki Tyler
(00:28:36 - 00:28:42)
And I said, no. As long as your higher self gives me permission. Same thing with Reiki. Like, I need your permission. You need to reach out and request.

Kiki Tyler
(00:28:43 - 00:28:58)
I can't just arbitrarily, like, pop in and do this work for you. And I love that the energetic space is permission-based. And it has a spiritual aspect, but it's not religious based. That's another Mhmm. Question that pops up a lot too.

Kiki Tyler
(00:29:00 - 00:29:14)
But you brought up energetic bodies. So we have 4. Right? The shamanic there there's the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. So in the quantum realm in the ethers, we're healing all 4 bodies because they're interconnected.

Kiki Tyler
(00:29:15 - 00:29:33)
Mhmm. And, yes, you mentioned the chiropractor. That's great for your physical, but you could have trapped emotions, and that could be causing the back pain. So it could have nothing to do with your spine whatsoever, and your spine's gonna continue to get out of alignment until you work through these issues. So that's where the reiki energy can come in.

Kiki Tyler
(00:29:33 - 00:29:57)
And, honestly, I just invite people to have their first session because after I experienced it, I didn't question anything. And, like, once you whatever your intention or will is, it's gonna happen. And if you don't want it to flow, the Reiki energy won't flow. And I did a group, self-love event with a woman. She was teaching the gentle yoga.

Kiki Tyler
(00:29:57 - 00:30:15)
I was providing Reiki and sound healing. And chatting with everybody in the beginning, there were 2 ladies and one was really she's like, well, I've had Reiki before, but I didn't feel anything. So we thought I was like, this is great. I love that you brought this up. Are you skeptical?

Kiki Tyler
(00:30:15 - 00:30:28)
Are you open? What are you seeking right now? Because if you don't want me to send, even though I'm sending it to the whole room, you won't receive anything. But if you set the intention, I'm tired. This is a self-love experience.

Kiki Tyler
(00:30:28 - 00:30:36)
I'm here to receive. You'll get what you need. That could be sleep. That could be deep relaxation. You could get images, answers.

Kiki Tyler
(00:30:36 - 00:30:49)
You don't even have to share it with me, and you will get what you need. And she was floored. She had been sleeping for weeks. She didn't share this with me. But at the end, after I had gone around, she was one that fell asleep and was snoring.

Kiki Tyler
(00:30:50 - 00:30:58)
And she was like, I felt tingly. I felt hard cold. Like, I actually felt it flow. And I said that had nothing to do with me at all. I'm just the channel.

Kiki Tyler
(00:30:58 - 00:31:05)
You know, I like to tell my clients I'm the faucet, not the water. You're the healer. You're controlling. It's your adventure. Right?

Kiki Tyler
(00:31:05 - 00:31:24)
You want a lot. You want a little. It's too intense. You are in control of the tap, so you decide. And I do like to give people a heads up when I'm in so they know if they feel tired or something like they get really thirsty or they, like, get their energy sapped because it it can impact people differently.

Kiki Tyler
(00:31:25 - 00:31:41)
But I did 4 sessions on Monday energetically connecting, not over Zoom or in person and everybody I sent their notes and feedback to, they were like, did you do this at this time? I felt really tired at this time. Was it this time? And you know. You know.

Kiki Tyler
(00:31:42 - 00:31:46)
Your body knows. All of them. All the energetic bodies now.

Victoria Volk
(00:31:47 - 00:31:47)
Yeah.

Kiki Tyler
(00:31:47 - 00:31:47)
So I don't

Victoria Volk
(00:31:47 - 00:31:48)
Know

Kiki Tyler
(00:31:48 - 00:31:50)
if that helps, but that's one of the ways.

Victoria Volk
(00:31:51 - 00:32:25)
Yeah. Like you said, you just have to experience it, and that's that's kind of how I end the conversation too. It's like, you just have to experience but I just wanna share with you a little something that I've been trying out. Speaking about trying things like Reiki or energy healing, I've been trying Magicmind, and they are actually sponsoring this episode. But even though that they're sponsoring this episode, I would not tell you or share about it if I personally have not tried it, and I personally wouldn't recommend it myself.

Victoria Volk
(00:32:26 - 00:32:52)
Seeing how well it's worked for me. I would really encourage you to try it out as well if you're having trouble being at a 100%. It's been a total game changer for me. I can, in fact, tell on days when I haven't taken it because I'm just a little bit more scattered. I have more difficult time getting into a flow, and my energy is kind of more like a roller coaster rather than like this steady, calm, focused energy.

Victoria Volk
(00:32:52 - 00:33:18)
It changes my energy. It changes my ability to let's just say, get shit done. So if this is something that piques your interest, right now for January, they have a or buy a 3 month subscription, and you get a month free. This is only for January. It's like getting an extra 20% off, which gets you to 75% off, actually, and this only lasts until the end of January.

Victoria Volk
(00:33:18 - 00:33:44)
So if you wanna give it a try, again, it's not gonna hurt you to try it. And it actually tastes good, and it's like 2 ounces. It's got so many good things in it. Neuro tropics, what do they call them, adaptogens, some of the things, specifically lion's mane mushrooms, ashwagandha, bacoba monnieri.  I'm probably botching those, but it actually does taste good.

Victoria Volk
(00:33:44 - 00:34:19)
And I can tell in days when I haven't taken it when I end up doing productive things that have me on the struggle bus those days, actually, kinda like today, if I'm being honest. So head to magicmind.com/jangrieving voices, and use my code, grieving voices, at checkout. And this is, again, for 3-month subscription. You will get 1 month free, only this January, to help you gear up to crush your 2024 New Year's resolutions and get fully focused. Alright.

Victoria Volk
(00:34:19 - 00:34:35)
Back to the episode. What drew me to biofield tuning, particularly biofield tuning, was, just the science of it. Like because it really gets into the science of quantum physics and yeah. And I geeked out over that stuff. But

Kiki Tyler
(00:34:36 - 00:34:36)
Yeah.

Victoria Volk
(00:34:36 - 00:34:55)
To, like, succinctly explain it. I haven't found my language yet. I'm still I think that's still a work in progress for me because it still feels like child play to me in so many ways. I feel like a kid in, playing. It's just  I get a lot of delight from it.

Victoria Volk
(00:34:55 - 00:34:58)
And I just saw your face light up as you're talking about it too.

Kiki Tyler
(00:34:58 - 00:35:01)
I know. I was gonna say that was not a succinct explanation. I kinda

Victoria Volk
(00:35:01 - 00:35:05)
Went off by a couple's hand. And that's how I get. Yeah.

Kiki Tyler
(00:35:05 - 00:35:10)
Yeah. I feel like Harry Potter and the 1st time I'm going to Hogwarts, I'm like,

Victoria Volk
(00:35:10 - 00:35:19)
Where else? You know? Right? Right? We have and this is the thing, like, as the person receiving, you it's empowering.

Victoria Volk
(00:35:20 - 00:35:40)
It's an empowering experience because it's like like I you know, walking clients through a guided visualization. It's like, woah. It's like you're introducing them to childlike play for the since they we just don't do that as adults. Right? We don't we have really difficult time just imagining.

Victoria Volk
(00:35:41 - 00:36:26)
Like, our imaginations just kind of, like, just it's like our imaginary world just gets smaller and smaller and smaller. The more grief that gets put on top, stacked on top and trauma and societal pressure and all these things that happen in life. It's like the child within us just gets kinda squashed, and this is, I think, what helps, energy healing is what reignited that within me. And I think that's where My face lights up when I share it with people. And I love first time sessions, but I just I it's like I get so excited for them to experience it, and it's like, I just don't know how to explain it.

Victoria Volk
(00:36:26 - 00:36:30
It's just magic. You know? Like you said, like, it's just magical. Yeah.

Kiki Tyler
(00:36:30 - 00:36:42)
Yeah. Yes. Magic is real, and that's what I tell people. And I have a woman, I'm working with now, and it started off as a one off session. She'd never heard of Breaky or Acacia Records or anything.

Kiki Tyler
(00:36:42 - 00:37:08)
And after her 1st session, she's and she didn't consider herself creative, like, didn't have that visual. But as soon as I dropped her in, she was having her own journey while I was sending her healing and tapping into her spirit team for guidance on her intention she shared with me. And she was like, I need more of this. One isn't enough. And then we've been working together now for 3 months because it was like you it's like an onion.

Kiki Tyler
(00:37:08 - 00:37:22)
Right? You heal one thing, and then something else pops up and something. You're like, I didn't realize that. So and then same thing on my journey. So went through a phase and stage of healing grief and got to a point where I was feeling okay, but I was like, there's more work here.

Kiki Tyler
(00:37:22 - 00:37:41)
And now that I'm accustomed to where I'm going, my emotional values, and what I want, I dove in this time last year to an inner child work. I wanted to reconnect with my inner children. Pros and cons. Right? We've all had you know, wounds.

Kiki Tyler
(00:37:41 - 00:37:53)
There could be trauma. I mean, I think I saw a TikTok where he said, you know, if you stub your toe, that's trauma. If you got yelled at, that's trauma. Like, we don't need there's no scale or level. It like, your trauma is not bigger or smaller than mine.

Kiki Tyler
(00:37:53 - 00:38:10)
Like, let's just acknowledge it. Feel it. And that's the thing our inner children wanna be seen and heard. They wanna be given the space to feel so they can heal. And certain inner children I've connected with, I'm like, I pulled out my coloring books and have been coloring.

Kiki Tyler
(00:38:10 - 00:38:24)
I love to do puzzles. I've re I've always been an avid reader, but I've gotten back into, like, my fantasy and fun books. A lot of my inner children love that. And then I got to my angry teenage years, and we're a little rebellious. And that I'm like, oh, that's you.

Kiki Tyler
(00:38:24 - 00:38:45)
That that that's you who wants to go and get in trouble. Okay. We gotta we gotta check that at the door a little bit as we're an adult now. But just opening that box and reconnecting to all the pieces of you because, like you said, we we tamp that down whether it's responsibilities or adult team or we think we should or have to. It's what mask are we putting on.

Kiki Tyler
(00:38:45 - 00:38:55)
And just being free to be yourself and surrounding yourself with people that not only allow it and it feels safe, but encourage it.

Victoria Volk
(00:38:55 - 00:39:13)
As a kid, I was told I was weird. And as an adult, I wasn't told I was weird again until, like, the last 4 years or so. And I'm like, alright. I'm reconnected. I'm good to go.

Kiki Tyler
(00:39:13 - 00:39:14)
I love it.

Victoria Volk
(00:39:14 - 00:39:39)
Letting my weird flag fly. I mean, it's embrace it.  Embrace your weirdness. Embrace what makes you you what would you say to people who you know, I'm a Christian. And what would you say to people who think that the work that you do or I do is not like devil work, but like this, I don't know.

Victoria Volk 
(00:39:39 - 00:39:51)
Like, we should be ashamed of ourselves or you know, because I I might pull, not a I don't do tarot tarot, however you say it. I like more, what are the other ones?

Kiki Tyler
(00:39:51 - 00:39:54)
Oracle. Yeah., Oracle. Thank you. Yeah.

Kiki Tyler
(00:39:54 - 00:39:56)
Yep. I can't even think of the day.

Victoria Volk 
(00:39:56 - 00:40:15)
I mean, that's that's how that's how, like, much I follow the rules. Right? Like, it's just a card, and it's more play to me. I like to just draw a card and, it's amazing, though. It's, I have a specific deck that I took I  take it to events that I do.

Victoria Volk 
(00:40:15 - 00:40:21)
Mhmm. And, I talk about grief. Right? That's my that's my shtick. That's what I talk about.

Victoria Volk 
(00:40:21 - 00:40:44)
And, it's I had I would ask I would have conversations with people, and at the end of our conversation, I would ask, do you want me to pull hard for you. Like, what do you mean pull a card? Like, most people a lot of people don't even haven't even heard of what these are what the cards are or what they the purpose of them are. And I'm like, you know, it's nothing sinister. It's you know, this is you'll get a message.

Victoria Volk 
(00:40:45 - 00:41:00)
I believe that you'll get a message that you need to hear in this moment. 1 by 1, time after time, completely applicable, like tears start flowing, and it's a healing message for them. There's nothing absolutely wrong with that. You know?

Kiki Tyler
(00:41:00 - 00:41:22)
I agree a 1000%. So I was raised in a conservative Christian household, and I have no idea what my family thinks about me, and that's none of my business. If they wanna share, great. And, there but like you said, oh, she's doing weird stuff again. And the oracle cards, the crystals, the tarot.

Kiki Tyler
(00:41:22 - 00:41:32)
To me, I view them as tools. Right? Just like a hammer or a crowbar. And the tool is not evil. The person who wields the tool can either use it for good or evil.

Kiki Tyler
(00:41:33 - 00:41:47)
Yes. Just like a hammer. It can be used to destroy or to build. And I love oracle cards, and I do offer them. And I even shy away from the deck and, like or the the guidebook that comes with the deck.

Kiki Tyler
(00:41:47 - 00:42:07)
I like people to tell me what they see because it's not me. It's not my message. And my goal is to help them really tap in to their own inner voice again because there's so much noise and so many people telling, yes, what we should or shouldn't do in society. And, now you should have a white picket fence. You should have the 6 figure job.

Kiki Tyler
(00:42:07 - 00:42:13)
You should drive this kind of car. Whatever it is. Right? But what do you really want? And I had a woman.

Kiki Tyler
(00:42:13 - 00:42:29)
She pulled the same she started pulling for herself from this deck, and we were shuffling it and cutting it, and she kept getting the same card. I was like, do you not like the message? Because it's really the universe is trying there it's it's trying to tell you something. Right. I don't know what it is, but it's trying to tell you something.

Kiki Tyler
(00:42:30 - 00:42:37)
She's like, I know. I was just hoping for a different answer. I'm like, 3 of the same after so much shuffling? That's no longer a coincidence.

Victoria Volk
(00:42:37 - 00:42:42)
Right? I think even after the 2nd time, it's like, okay. Better pay attention.

Kiki Tyler
(00:42:42 - 00:42:56)
I usually pull for myself for guidance before sessions. And with 1 client, it was, like, 3 weeks in a row. She and I were getting the same card. Even though I was shuffling while we're talking and everything and I was and I was like, I pulled this card, and she was like, do it again. Do it again.

Kiki Tyler
(00:42:56 - 00:42:58)
So then I stopped pulling before her sesh.

Victoria Volk
(00:42:58 - 00:43:00)
Because I was like, I don't know

Kiki Tyler 
(00:43:00 - 00:43:10)
If we're, like, the mirror. We're at different stages, but, like, the messages we were getting were slightly different. But that's the thing. We could both hold the same card and interpret it differently. There are colors.

Kiki Tyler 
(00:43:10 - 00:43:36)
There are numbers. There are words. There It's like what you see and what I see are gonna be 2 different things. And it's I guess, in the olden days where you would look for omens or you would look for you know, birds would say things everything meant something and not in a bad way. It was just we were more tapped into nature and or everything around us because things were not going that 1,000 miles a minute.

Kiki Tyler 
(00:43:36 - 00:43:38)
Didn't hear? Yes.

Victoria Volk
(00:43:38 - 00:43:44)
We viewed death. Death was viewed completely differently. Right? Mhmm. Like, we spent time.

Victoria Volk
(00:43:44 - 00:43:59)
We took pictures with their dead loved ones. They would that's have you seen this? Like, when your when your loved one passed away, you would take a family portrait with your dead deceased loved one. Like, we yeah. Death was done so differently.

Victoria Volk
(00:43:59 - 00:44:02)
Everything was done differently. Right? Yeah.

Kiki Tyler
(00:44:02 - 00:44:12)
Yes. And and there is evolution, and there are pros and cons. And I don't know. I work in the I tell people I work in the light. So it can't harm you.

Kiki Tyler
(00:44:12 - 00:44:31)
It can't harm me. You're in control of it. So I never it doesn't bother me, and it cracks me up because I'm sure everybody's getting these direct messages where it's like, I was drawn to your energy and felt like you needed a reading. That could be a bot. That could be who but if you're authentically in the energy space, you're not reaching out to offer readings.

Kiki Tyler
(00:44:31 - 00:44:57)
As a person, you seek out who you want to read your energy and go into your records, provide you Reiki. It has to feel good to you, and you'll know. For me, I get like a visceral gut response if I'm not meant to work with someone. Like, even going in certain metaphysical shops, I'm walking around and I can I'm like, there's something in that corner that's bothering me. I need to go to the different part of the store.

Kiki Tyler
(00:44:57 - 00:45:14)
It could be a crystal. It could be a type of method of physical media. Who knows? But I'm just like, just gonna listen to it. But before I got into this, I would have paid no attention because there were so many different signals going on that I wasn't paying attention to.

Kiki Tyler
(00:45:14 - 00:45:21)
And we make excuses. Oh, I'm sitting too long. It must've been what I ate. I didn't sleep well.  And now it's okay.

Kiki Tyler
(00:45:21 - 00:45:33)
What is that trying to tell me? Where is it in my body? What have I not allowed myself to feel? Like, the questions and the perception, I've shifted the lens in which I listen and also in which I view myself.

Victoria Volk
(00:45:35 - 00:46:01)
So what would be your tip to grievers who yeah.  I'm really not I don't wanna, like, learn Reiki or do Reiki or get into that spirit sort of practice or anything like that. But what would you suggest to grievers listening who may have lost a best friend like you did. What did self-care look like? Okay.

Victoria Volk
(00:46:01 - 00:46:15)
I'm really ahead of myself with, like, a bunch of questions. That's what I do. But kind of wrapping it around the bow of self-care, but, like, something that people can do to, like, dip their toe in. Yes. Connecting with themselves.

Kiki Tyler
(00:46:16 - 00:46:37)
Yes. And be easy on yourself, and I know it's easier to say than do, but let yourself feel and just be okay. Give yourself permission to let it all fall apart. Like, just have those ugly cries. Cry until you don't have any more tears anymore, until your throat's raw.

Kiki Tyler
(00:46:37 - 00:46:57)
Like, just that is a human emotion. If the emotion is coming out, it up, it wants to come out, and I kept shoving it down until it was overwhelming. So it got to a point where I couldn't even get myself to start crying, so I was like, okay. What movies can I watch where I know it'll start the waterworks? Right?

Kiki Tyler
(00:46:57 - 00:47:07)
And rent's a rent's a good one for me. Like, I always cry every time I watch rent. Like, I can go to certain parts of it and I'm like, oh, yeah. I'm definitely gonna cry. So that was a  trick that worked for me.

Kiki Tyler
(00:47:07 - 00:47:39)
A lot more rest because emotionally, you were draining a lot of energy. I was I felt a lot of energy being drained whether it was to push the the emotion down or to actually allow myself to feel it. So if you need to take a nap, if you need to sleep in, if you need to take a day off from work, it's hard not to feel guilty that first time, but I promise you it gets easier. And putting yourself first is not selfish. We every time we get on a plane, we're told to put our mask on first.

Kiki Tyler
(00:47:39 - 00:48:04)
Right? If anything happens, you put your oxygen mask on first. But in real life, we tend to put ourselves on the back burner and take care of everyone else and wonder why we're passed out on the floor. And crying isn't a sign of weakness, which is a big lesson that I needed to learn the hard way, unfortunately. Crying is vulnerable.

Kiki Tyler
(00:48:04 - 00:48:11)
Crying is, like, are you hurt? Are you in pain? Yes. But the pain you're going through, no one can see. You don't have bruises.

Kiki Tyler
(00:48:11 - 00:48:44)
You don't have scars. Like, you don't it's not like you go out in a fight and people knew you got in a fight and there's some sympathy there. Let's say you're getting beat up from the inside and putting yourself first does get easier as well the more you do it, and the shame and guilt does move away. Because by taking care of yourself, you can then show up as the best first interview for everyone else instead of half full and or pouring from an empty cup. And then I found myself in places of resentment, yeah.

Kiki Tyler
(00:48:44 - 00:48:55)
And it wasn't because of anybody else. My choice pouring from an empty cup and not refilling my cup for so long. Bottled up anger. You know, emotions can change. It wasn't anger.

Kiki Tyler
(00:48:55 - 00:49:00)
It was sadness, but I wasn't allowing myself to feel to heal.

Victoria Volk
(00:49:00 - 00:49:17)
What were the messages around grief that you received as a child since you had a really difficult time as an adult allowing yourself to cry. Is that something that you witnessed as a child? Like, the people around you didn't express the show emotion?

Kiki Tyler
(00:49:18 - 00:49:37)
Not negative emotions, not dense, heavy emotions like happiness and joy and positive things. But If you were crying, something was wrong, what's wrong? And or I'll give you something to cry about. Yeah. That was a lot very common for that generation.

Kiki Tyler
(00:49:38 - 00:50:00)
I know for my brothers, they got different messages like suck it up, boys don't cry. There were a lot of different things that I heard over the years, whether it was from coaches, in the sporting events, or parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles. It could have just been mainstream media. You know? It's hard to pinpoint where it came from and that really doesn't matter.

Kiki Tyler
(00:50:00 - 00:50:30)
It's more, is that what I believe now? And kind of that unlearning. So when I say, like, allow yourself to tear it all down, like, rebuild what you believe and what feels good. And on the esoteric side, the woo side, like, the divine masculine and feminine, I was functioning very highly from my masculine, and I had suppressed a lot of my feminine. The crying, the flow, the letting things be instead of, like, the assertive, the action, the force, the push.

Kiki Tyler
(00:50:30 - 00:50:59)
So I did allow myself to be more in flow for a time and not so much action, which was really hard for me to retrain my it's okay. There was a lot of guilt of me not acting or not showing up for other people. So that's gonna happen, but you're still in charge of whether you say yes or no. And saying no the first time is hard, but it gets easier. And now I have boundaries over when people have access to me.

Kiki Tyler
(00:50:59 - 00:51:10)
And that's everyone, significant other, parents, like, whether I accept or respond to text messages, whether I call people back, and it's really about me protecting my peace and my happiness.

Victoria Volk
(00:51:11 - 00:51:13)
Amen to that.

Kiki Tyler
(00:51:15 - 00:51:17)
Yay.

Victoria Volk
(00:51:17 - 00:51:23)
I was gonna say that old, what is what movie is it? There's no crying in baseball. You could say

Kiki Tyler
(00:51:24 - 00:51:25)
Oh, League of Their Own?

Victoria Volk
(00:51:25 - 00:51:31)
League of Their Own. Yeah. They say it. There's no crying in baseball, and you could say, there's no crying in grief. There's no crying in grief.

Victoria Volk
(00:51:32 - 00:51:38)
That's wrong. That's so wrong. Yeah. There can be crying a baseball. Like, maybe we need to embrace that message.

Victoria Volk
(00:51:38 - 00:51:59)
There can be crying a baseball. I don't think I asked you this yet, but I'm curious. So I'm gonna ask it because there's probably someone listening who's probably curious too. Did this experience of all this loss of young people, young-ish people, I imagine, make you a little scared for your own health.

Kiki Tyler
(00:52:00 - 00:52:11)
It didn't, but I guess that's because I've always been very active. I've definitely made better food choices. I sleep more. I drink more water. I've always been one to get my annual physical.

Kiki Tyler
(00:52:11 - 00:52:29)
I love get that's like my, report card for my health, how I'm doing. Like, how's my blood sugar? How's my cholesterol? I could have very easily gone down, and I think old me was very paranoid. Like, try to head everything off at the past that that people please, like, try to figure it out.

Kiki Tyler
(00:52:30 - 00:52:50)
But I kinda went the opposite way. And I was like, worry isn't helpful. Like, it doesn't do anything but stress you out, could reduce your time here, and it doesn't prevent what could or couldn't happen in the future. So I'm gonna still continue with my regular checkups and stay super active. I love to move.

Kiki Tyler
(00:52:50 - 00:53:23)
I've always loved to move as a young kid, and I've definitely made better eating choices and food choices, but it didn't. I didn't. I've a few of our friends in our circle have, and they've started to get more mammograms and get me, like and when I say the other end, I mean, like, probably overkill just in my personal opinion. Like, the I think there's balance to that as well because you can get too much information and, like, get to nitty gritty, but find out what works for you. Right?

Kiki Tyler
(00:53:23 - 00:53:37)
What works for me might sound a little crazy to you, so that's cool. Like, leave it. Don't take it. But if you don't get annual physicals, maybe think about doing that, you know? Find a primary care physician that you connect with.

Kiki Tyler
(00:53:37 - 00:53:54)
I actually changed doctors because I wanted one that's more open to holistic remedies and not someone that's gonna write me a prescription right off the gate. I am not very much into big pharma. And I'm like, well, why are you just giving me something for the symptom? We didn't even talk for very long. So how do you know that's the root cause?

Kiki Tyler
(00:53:55 - 00:54:13)
So I'm like, I have a whole list of things to share with you that my body's been communicating to me. And I don't know about you, but I live in my body. Yes. You went to med school, love doctors, but they don't live in your body. So you have very specific information that you can share with them.

Kiki Tyler
(00:54:13 - 00:54:21)
So when you find one that you connect with and who ask the right questions and that is in alignment with you and what how you wanna take care of your body.

Victoria Volk
(00:54:22 - 00:54:37)
Step 1, pay attention to your body. Yes. So you have to pay attention to your body to recognize the signs. Right? And you've described many of them throughout this podcast you've described several of different signs of that our body gives us.

Victoria Volk
(00:54:37 - 00:54:49)
I believe you have. So Yeah. Just If it wasn't there before, it's something new? Take a look at that. Investigate.

Victoria Volk
(00:54:49 - 00:54:52)
Get curious. What gives you hope for the future?

Kiki Tyler
(00:54:52 - 00:54:53)
The alpha generation.

Victoria Volk
(00:54:55 - 00:54:56)
Do you say more?

Kiki Tyler
(00:54:57 - 00:55:18)
So I am one of 6. I'm an aunt. I have no babies other than my fur babies, and I'm really close to my nieces and nephews. So my youngest niece is 7, and she's part of the alpha generation. And In spending time with her, she's extremely curious, and she teaches me so much about myself and about life.

Kiki Tyler
(00:55:18 - 00:55:42)
And I love she's tenacious, and she doesn't take no for an answer. But when it comes to technology, her older brother, I guess he's Gen z, he's the one above that, they he'll text me at the table. I'm sitting right across from him, and they're more comfortable with text. My niece, not so much. She's like, excuse me.

Kiki Tyler
(00:55:42 - 00:56:08)
Excuse me. And they're bringing it back to what I call the old school ways, like looking people in the eye, having a conversation. She wants your undivided attention and spending time and watching her with her friends. So I know this is a small sampling, but it I'm seeing patterns and ripples, and it's just very refreshing in there. I've done some research and read several articles too, but they're the new wave.

Kiki Tyler
(00:56:08 - 00:56:25)
Right? They're gonna bring things back to, like, the humanity of it., Just the Connection., Community, the connection, all the c's., But they're very curious, and they're not afraid to ask all these questions.

Kiki Tyler
(00:56:25 - 00:56:38)
Like, you think she would have outgrown her twos or threes or whenever the why phase was., I was like, oh, she's gonna be like me, and she's gonna be a why person forever. And she challenges me. She challenges her mother. They're so smart.

Kiki Tyler
(00:56:39 - 00:56:56)
They're very, I don't wanna say cynical, but they can they challenge things. Well, why if that's this, but it doesn't work here. Why? And they let they really keep you on your toes. But they're very refreshing.

Kiki Tyler
(00:56:57 - 00:57:06)
And I enjoy spending time. I'm heading there. This weekend, we're doing our cookie bake day. And, she loves that, like, tradition. They're very big on tradition.

Kiki Tyler
(00:57:07 - 00:57:19)
And I don't even wanna say rituals, but family traditions, like, what we do every year. Like, we're like, oh, I don't know if it's gonna happen next year. What do you need? Oh, you're getting older, so we're doing this forever. Okay.

Kiki Tyler
(00:57:21 - 00:57:22)
Can't say no to her. Right?

Victoria Volk
(00:57:23 - 00:57:37)
So perhaps around the anniversary of your friend Sonia's passing, it would be hopeful and refreshing to spend some time around that energy for you. That's self-care too.

Kiki Tyler
(00:57:37 - 00:57:47)
Yep. Absolutely. Yes. And she loves going there's a metaphysical shop by them. They're in Virginia, and we go together.

Kiki Tyler
(00:57:47 - 00:58:06)
And she's like, this this crystal is calling to me. I think it needs to come home with me. And she saw me do some oracle readings for my sister, and she grabbed the deck went upstairs, and she has an American Girl doll. And she's I go up, and I'm like, where did she go? And she's like, oh, I'm just giving a reading to my dolls, and she had them all lined up.

Kiki Tyler
(00:58:06 - 00:58:23)
And she's like I was adorable. They paid attention. They're so observant. Like, they see and hear and take in everything like a sponge, and their perspective is so fresh and innocent. Like, it has not been tainted.

Kiki Tyler
(00:58:24 - 00:58:41)
And she's not plugged into social media, so it's still that fresh new. She's not bombarded. She doesn't have all of these different voices and things in her head coming her way, telling her how to think, act, breathe. It's she's just like, this is who I am. Take me or leave me.

Victoria Volk
(00:58:41 - 00:59:54)
And I think that's the message that the youngest of the young need to be reminded of constantly, that they are enough exactly who they are. There was a quote I heard yesterday, when I'm I had a call yesterday with, Fellow Youmappers, Youmap coaches, and the founder. She's always got something brilliant to say, but she said society judges you on what you do, what degree you have, the work you do. There's so many different judgments that people can that people will draw just based on what you do and not on who you are. And so I think the hope for the future is that we allow the youngest of young to grieve exactly how they came out of the womb knowing how to grieve and allow that to keep going and to allow that to keep happening and to express themselves and to question and to let curiosity be their leader, and just always reminding them that they are enough just exactly as they are.

Victoria Volk
(00:59:56 - 00:59:58)
Yes. 

Kiki Tyler
(00:59:58 - 01:00:10)
We all are, and we forget that. And that's an amazing point to you bring up because this has come up with a couple of my clients. We tend to overtalk. We tend to overgive. It's a compensation.

Kiki Tyler
(01:00:10 - 01:00:37)
There's this un layer of unworthiness in multiple areas of our lives. It's not always business or with products or it can be in relationships too, and you deserve to be loved just for being you, not because of what you do or the gifts or skills that you bring to the table. That's like a cherry on top. That's the added bonus. Whether you have them or not, you're enough.

Victoria Volk
(01:00:39 - 01:00:48)
And I think that is the beautiful place to end today unless there's anything else that you would like to share. Oh, wait. I actually have a question.

Kiki Tyler
(01:00:48 - 01:00:51)
Okay. 6 more.

Victoria Volk
(01:00:53 - 01:01:28)
What is the meaning that you feel you have drawn from your grief. How have you created meaning from your grief? And what would be your advice to other people in creating their meaning? And when I say creating meaning, it's not like you have to do something grandiose or you have to, create a nonprofit or write a book or it's none of that. It's and it's a very individual experience.

Victoria Volk
(01:01:28 - 01:01:48)
So I'm just curious how maybe it's even not even creating a meaning, but how have you reframed? Maybe that's a better question. Have you reframed how you view grief since your experience?

Kiki Tyler
(01:01:50 - 01:02:31)
Well, it has evolved. I feel like in the beginning, I viewed it as pain and something to avoid. And then, in that 1 to 2 year mark, it was memories, and how can I remember her and honor her, and then it has turned into purpose? I wanted that relationship, that friendship, that whole life, to me and it did on its own. Like, it I don't it doesn't need to meet for me to do anything for it to be anything better, but I wanted to reframe it.

Kiki Tyler
(01:02:31 - 01:03:09)
It's exactly the word from pain to purpose, and it has had it's a very pivotal moment for me. Yes, it happened during the pandemic, the shutdown, everything else, but I have now reacquoined that as, like, the midlife awakening instead of the shutdown or the pan like, we don't have to be defined by our grief. We get to choose How we define it for ourselves and it changes in each chapter of our life. Like you asked me the same thing next year, it could mean something different. And that giving yourself permission to change your mind.

Kiki Tyler
(01:03:10 - 01:03:34)
I feel like we feel like we have to lock in and and get married to something, whether it's an idea or a feeling or we can only do one thing. And we're so multifaceted as human beings. It can be both. It can be painful and purposeful, right, and everything in between. And telling stories like this, sharing with others.

Kiki Tyler
(01:03:34 - 01:04:05)
I mean, if you came to me a year ago, I would not have thought this is the 3rd podcast I've been on where I've talked about her and cried, and that was not something I would have pictured for myself, but it's helping others get through it. And just talking about it is also therapeutic for me. And each time it gets a little easier. And I think I've cried it all out and then someone asked a question or I remember something, and it's like, it's fresh, but it's still beautiful.

Victoria Volk
(01:04:06 - 01:04:40)
And I think the key point in sharing the story, right, it's not sharing what happened. It's not like you're reading a recipe card of that relationship or that experience and how the person died and all of that. Like, did so many relive over and over and over, if there was a traumatic death, things like that, depending on what they witnessed. It's sharing the story, the emotional story. That's where the healing is, is sharing the emotional story and reframing the meaning of of what that means for you moving forward.

Kiki Tyler
(01:04:42 - 01:04:55)
Yes. And that's a good point as we feel like we get trapped in that moment of when it happened and we forget to live for ourselves. So grief is important. They were a part of our life. It's a way to honor them.

Kiki Tyler
(01:04:56 - 01:05:23)
And this is about how we can continue to honor ourselves and move on with their memory with us. But thinking about everyone else in our life, like, they're gone, but how many beautiful souls presently in the future are gonna impact your life? And you might be head down right now, but when you start to look up, they're gonna be there.

Victoria Volk
(01:05:25 - 01:05:29)
And not to mention the impact that you have on other people's lives.

Kiki Tyler
(01:05:30 - 01:05:31)
Yes.

Victoria Volk
(01:05:31 - 01:05:36)
And what kind of impact do you want to have? And that's the choice we all have.

Kiki Tyler
(01:05:37 - 01:05:57)
Yes. We feel like we forget choice. Like, we feel like we're forced into it. And sometimes just hearing someone say they did this instead gives you that sign, that permission slip, whatever it is you needed to hear or see or feel to make a small shift.

Victoria Volk
(01:05:59 - 01:06:01)
And that's why I started this podcast.

Kiki Tyler
(01:06:02 - 01:06:03)
I love it.

Victoria Volk
(01:06:03 - 01:06:07)
Thank you so much for sharing with me and my listeners today.

kiki Tyler
(01:06:08 - 01:06:09)
Thank you for having me.

Victoria Volk 
(01:06:09 - 01:06:14)
People reach out to you if they wanna learn more, connect with you? Where can people find you?

Kiki Tyler
(01:06:15 - 01:06:33)

Yes. So I am Kiki Tyler, Facebook, Instagram. Kikityler.com is my website. I love connecting with new women. I also have a group for healers, spiritual people, those that wanna learn and grow in their gifts, and I'd more than welcome to come into that community.

Kiki Tyler
(01:06:33 - 01:06:43)
And, yeah, love to hear from you and support you whether you're in grief, have gone through it, haven't been part of it, but want that community.

Victoria Volk
(01:06:45 - 01:06:49)
I dare to say we've all been a part of it. Yeah. We all grieve something.

Kiki Tyler
(01:06:49 - 01:06:51)
Yeah. Yeah.

Victoria Volk
(01:06:51 - 01:07:00)
And your gifts and your light is very much needed, and, we need more light. We need more light in the world, my friends. So thank you for being the light for so many.

Kiki Tyler 
(01:07:01 - 01:07:03)
Thank you for having me.

Victoria Volk
(01:07:03 - 01:07:07)
And remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life.