In this episode of Grieving Voices, we welcome the remarkable Debbie Weiss, a life strategist who has spent over five decades helping others while overcoming her own daunting life challenges.
As an author and podcaster, she offers hope and motivation to many through her memoir "On Second Thought, Maybe I Can" and as a contributing author in "Heart Whispers."
Key Points:
- At age 50, Debbie experienced what she describes as midlife awareness rather than a crisis.
- She reflects on becoming the primary caregiver for her father after his stroke at just 46 years old — a role that lasted thirty years.
- The pivotal moment came during a girls' trip when she was 50, where she realized how much of herself was lost in caregiving roles.
- Her journey involved tackling weight loss by changing her mindset about food and diets to embrace it as part of a sustainable lifestyle change.
- Secrets have a way of holding us back, as Debbie encountered and later moved through.
- Being a caregiver for most of one's life and in different roles has taught Debbie the importance of not caring for others except all else, including self-care. As a caregiving daughter, then as a wife to her terminally ill husband, Garrett, and mother of a son who struggles with mental health challenges, she now advocates for those who've given their lives to caregiving or otherwise and are ready to empower themselves.
Takeaways:
Debbie underscores the importance of self-care amidst responsibilities. She emphasizes that mindset is key — changing habits and reframing thoughts towards oneself and one’s goals.
Tune into this powerful conversation full of raw emotion, resilience, insights into mental health struggles within families, and navigating grief after losing loved ones.
RESOURCES:
CONNECT:
This episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.
Would you like to join the mission of Grieving Voices in normalizing grief and supporting hurting hearts everywhere? Become a supporter of the show HERE.
In this episode of Grieving Voices, we welcome the remarkable Debbie Weiss, a life strategist who has spent over five decades helping others while overcoming her own daunting life challenges.
As an author and podcaster, she offers hope and motivation to many through her memoir "On Second Thought, Maybe I Can" and as a contributing author in "Heart Whispers."
Key Points:
- At age 50, Debbie experienced what she describes as midlife awareness rather than a crisis.
- She reflects on becoming the primary caregiver for her father after his stroke at just 46 years old — a role that lasted thirty years.
- The pivotal moment came during a girls' trip when she was 50, where she realized how much of herself was lost in caregiving roles.
- Her journey involved tackling weight loss by changing her mindset about food and diets to embrace it as part of a sustainable lifestyle change.
- Secrets have a way of holding us back, as Debbie encountered and later moved through.
- Being a caregiver for most of one's life and in different roles has taught Debbie the importance of not caring for others except all else, including self-care. As a caregiving daughter, then as a wife to her terminally ill husband, Garrett, and mother of a son who struggles with mental health challenges, she now advocates for those who've given their lives to caregiving or otherwise and are ready to empower themselves.
Takeaways:
Debbie underscores the importance of self-care amidst responsibilities. She emphasizes that mindset is key — changing habits and reframing thoughts towards oneself and one’s goals.
Tune into this powerful conversation full of raw emotion, resilience, insights into mental health struggles within families, and navigating grief after losing loved ones.
RESOURCES:
CONNECT:
This episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.
Would you like to join the mission of Grieving Voices in normalizing grief and supporting hurting hearts everywhere? Become a supporter of the show HERE.
Victoria Volk
(00:00:00 - 00:00:21)
Thank you for tuning in to Grieving Voices. If this is your 1st time listening, welcome., And if you've listened before, welcome back. Today, my guest is Debbie Weiss. She is a seasoned life strategist with over 5 decades of experience and has faced some of life's most daunting challenges head-on and emerged as a beacon of hope and inspiration for others.
Victoria Volk
(00:00:22 - 00:00:47)
As the author of the highly sensitive memoir, On Second Thought, Maybe I Can. And a contributing author in the collaborative book, Heart Whispers, Debbie's words have the power to uplift and motivate. You can also be uplifted and motivated by Debbie through her podcast, Maybe I Can, and pass along some heart joy to others through her shop of sprinkle of hearts. Thank you so much for being here.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:00:47 - 00:00:49)
Oh, thank you so much for having me.
Victoria Volk
(00:00:50 - 00:01:18)
So I read about you a little bit I scoped the the webs and was reading a little bit about your story. And I really wanna I don't think this has been talked about ever specifically on the podcast in almost 4 years. So I'm excited for that. But you talk a lot about, like, on your website and in your form and stuff that you filled out. Age 50 was this pinnacle year for you.
Victoria Volk
(00:01:19 - 00:01:43)
And it was almost as if, like, for me personally, I had what I call a midlife unraveling. Mine was in my earlier thirties, but which it can happen for any of anytime during your lifetime. Right? But for you, it was around 50. And would you say that that was a midlife unraveling or midlife crisis or midlife awareness or how would you describe that?
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:01:44 - 00:02:19)
I think I would describe it as midlife awareness. At that point, I had been a family caregiver to my father for over 30 years. My oldest son who was diagnosed on the autistic spectrum and at that point, I wasn't a caregiver to my husband, but just for the 30 years with my dad and then adding my son, took it to a whole new level, and I was stressed. I still had regular responsibilities like we all have.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:02:19 - 00:02:43)
I was working full time, and I was actually self-employed, so I had to worry about my customers and my employees and whatnot and, of course, things at home and my kids at that age were being, at least my younger one, shuffled off to whatever event but life. Right? And it just never seemed to stop. It was just this get-up. Do it again.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:02:43 - 00:03:03)
What do I you know, what fires do I have to put out today? hat do I need to make sure to check off my list? And when I turned 50, my friends insisted that we go away for the weekend on a girl's trip for my birthday. And I thought, oh my goodness. I'd love to do that, but how am I gonna leave my husband?
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:03:03 - 00:03:27)
What you know, with all of these in charge of these things and whatever. And I went. And on that trip, it was the first time in my adult life that I did not have to worry about anybody else but myself. And when they asked me, well, what do you wanna do, or where do you wanna go eat? I'm, like, looking over my shoulder.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:03:27 - 00:03:59)
Like, are they asking me? And through just reconnecting with my friends and really myself, I kinda came to the realization of who am I? Who have I become? Not that I would ever change taking care of any of my family members. But I had done that at the complete exclusion of taking care of myself. And I think at 50, it was also kind of that mortality motivation thing.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:03:59 - 00:04:15)
Like, okay, Is my life more than half over? Am I really making it to a 100? I hope so. But chances are I'm on the downhill slide, let's say, and I don't wanna be that person who gets to the end, looks back, and said, what happened?
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:04:15 - 00:04:39)
I just wasted. I don't wanna say wasted, but I didn't do what I wanted to do, and I didn't have anything I wanted to do, by the way. But it just felt like if I didn't do something and take control in some way at that point. The next 50 years were gonna be gone, and I was gonna be that person looking back. And so that was the moment.
Victoria Volk
(00:04:40 - 00:04:57)
Can we rewind the clock a little bit? I read on your website that it was after like, the day after you graduated high school, your dad had this massive stroke. Yep. Why did the responsibility because people might listen people listening. If I'm curious, they're probably curious too.
Victoria Volk
(00:04:58 - 00:05:00)
Why did the responsibility fall on you?
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:05:03 - 00:05:20)
So my parents, several years before had been separated off and on. And they got back together., And it's funny. I don't know why, my mother is still alive. I'm very happy to say, and I don't know why I really haven't discussed this with her.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:05:21 - 00:05:48)
But I don't know how their marriage was at that point. My father was days shy of turning 46 when he had the stroke. My mother was 39 years old. And they were separated because my father had an affair. And I think, for my mom, of course, when I was that age, I didn't understand. Then as an adult, it has a a different perspective.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:05:49 - 00:06:17)
My mom did what she needed to do for my father. Don't get me wrong. But it was I always had this daddy's little girl connection. I have 1 younger brother, so I always grew up feeling like it was kinda 2 teams, my mother and my brother and my father and I, and he was my hero. He fell from the pedestal with the affair, for sure.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:06:18 - 00:06:43)
But, still, when I saw my mother was doing what she needed to do as far as getting him the doctors and the care and all of that stuff. But she didn't really have, like, what I felt she should be compassionate. She didn't have as much, sympathy or and, again, this was according to what my standards were. I did actually go away to college.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:06:43 - 00:07:04)
So my father was in the hospital the whole entire summer, very different. This was 1981, very different than how It would work now. And I left for college, which that alone is traumatic. Right? But to know that you're leaving behind, my dad, I didn't know what was gonna happen.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:07:04 - 00:07:37)
I knew, again, he would be safe and taken care of, but not how I felt comfortable. And I went away to school not being invested. And that it's another whole story. But I wound up leaving school, coming home, attending a local university for a year and a half and taking care of my father at home. So he at the time, he was had a physical therapist and a speech therapist, and I had to do the exercises with him.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:07:37 - 00:08:12)
And I would actually help him get into a bathing suit so that I could put him onto the chair over the bathtub with the handheld shower and give him a shower. I was doing that. He was still living at home. After a year and a half, now I was 2 years into college, and I thought to myself, kind of like at 50, I lost this college experience that my friends are having. And I'm gonna regret it. And I actually did transfer away to a different yet a third school for the last 2 years.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:08:12 - 00:08:33)
That's where I graduated from. In my senior year, my mother had already made the decision that she wanted a divorce. And so she found him a place to live, which back then, like, assisted living, independent living, not like it is today. So she could only we lived in Long Island. She could only find a place in New Jersey.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:08:33 - 00:09:03)
It was about an hour and a half from where we lived. And there he was at the time, still not even 50, living with 85 year olds. And so once they were divorced, then he was my real responsibility as far as, he didn't live with me. He did live independently. He was able to do that, but I was the money person because he didn't have a lot of money, and that changed over the years, and I used I'd had to move him to different places.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:09:03 - 00:09:27)
And then he had other medical problems, and now I'm learning all about, doctors and specialists, and I didn't even know what all those ologists were at 22 years old. Right? So that's kind of how it happened. I did hold a lot of anger and resentment towards my mother. I did for a long time.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:09:27 - 00:09:44)
But I have come to terms with it because I know that she certainly, in her own mind, didn't think, oh, I'm gonna saddle my daughter with this. Mhmm. I think she was thinking, and I'm putting words in her mouth. She did take care of him officially, got him what he needed.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:09:44 - 00:10:04)
If I had a question, it wasn't like she wasn't gonna help me. But she wasn't the person getting the phone calls and having to visit and bring food and whatever. Over the years, I could literally write another book about my 30-year experience with my dad, some funny. So that's that's how it happened.
Victoria Volk
(00:10:05 - 00:10:15)
So did you find yourself into a career that like, what what did you go to school for, and did you follow the path that you intended?
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:10:15 - 00:10:49)
I never knew what my path was. I was always a numbers girl, a math girl, but not science. So I knew I didn't want anything like that. And I originally wanted to go to, law school to become an attorney, a sports attorney to deal with, like, athletes' contracts and stuff. Well, simultaneously, I was also with my high school boyfriend who I was engaged to by or right after I graduated from college, and I decided not to go to law school at the time.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:10:49 - 00:10:56)
And I had graduated with a degree in accounting, so I became a CPA. Okay. It was fine.
Victoria Volk
(00:10:57 - 00:11:00)
Did you end up marrying the man that you were engaged to?
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:11:00 - 00:11:35)
Nope. Because he, even though he'll still deny it, wound up meeting someone else while we were together and left me for her. But in the end, just like so many things like that that are heartbreaking at the time, it was actually, I knew deep in my heart that he was not the right person for me. I just didn't have a lot of self-confidence or self-esteem, and I felt like I better take whoever's interested because I'll probably never meet anyone else. So he did me a favor.
Victoria Volk
(00:11:37 - 00:11:54)
And I think, that can only come in hindsight. Right? And then as we you know, we don't in the moment, it's like you think it's just devastating, and you think your world's falling apart. And then after you have some time pass and, fall onto a different path. Right?
Victoria Volk
(00:11:54 - 00:12:01)
Because of that, that changes the trajectory of your life. You look back and it's like, oh, Phew. I dodged a bullet there.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:12:01 - 00:12:03)
Exactly. Completely.
Victoria Volk
(00:12:04 - 00:12:22)
For 30 years, you cared for your dad. So when so you had a lot of time to have conversations and work through a lot of things maybe that with your mom and all of this the dynamics of the family and things. But when did he recently pass?
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:12:23 - 00:12:36)
No. He passed away in 2011. Literally, like, 30 years. It was he had the stroke in 1981, and he died in 2011, a month before, like, the anniversary of the stroke.
Victoria Volk
(00:12:36 - 00:12:38)
Oh, wow. It's so young. So young.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:12:38 - 00:12:52)
So young. Yeah. It was crazy. I mean, we were, of course, I can think of the day it happened. And stroke wasn't even a term that you would equate to a 45 or 46 year old.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:12:52 - 00:13:01)
It just was so out of the blue and so left field and bizarre, but things happen.
Victoria Volk
(00:13:02 - 00:13:25)
Coincidentally, just in the last month or so. So my son had a heart murmur found when he was in high in he was 12. Sports physical. And it's due to when you take your 1st breath when you're born, the flap between the left and right ventricle doesn't seal and so it can leak a little blood and you can develop blood clots and stroke is a risk of that. Yeah.
Victoria Volk
(00:13:25 - 00:13:39)
But just in the last month, 2 people I've heard well, 1 person I know had a stroke because of that. And another I just found out today another person, they were 33 years old when they had a stroke due to the same thing.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:13:40 - 00:13:40)
Wow.
Victoria Volk
(00:13:41 - 00:13:59)
And so when children are found to have a heart murmur when they're young, it's really important to investigate why why that is? And I'm glad that my son's doctor had the due diligence to do that, but I'm thinking he's 18 now, but I'm thinking, man, he should probably start taking a baby aspirin. You know?
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:13:59 - 00:14:01)
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's interesting. So my father
Victoria Volk
(00:14:01 - 00:14:02)
that changes your life.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:14:02 - 00:14:07)
My goodness. Oh, yes. My father's stroke was not from that.
Victoria Volk
(00:14:07 - 00:14:09)
Okay. Because he was so young, that's why.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:14:09 - 00:14:18)
His carotid arteries were blocked. Come 1 completely blocked. So in your neck here, so the oxygen got cut off to his brain.
Victoria Volk
(00:14:19 - 00:14:30)
So how did that weekend what did your life look like after that girls weekend, which I just wanna say how important it is for people listening, how important girls weekends are.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:14:30 - 00:14:31)
Oh my goodness.
Victoria Volk
(00:14:31 - 00:14:34)
I take a yearly camping trip with girls, my girlfriends.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:14:34 - 00:14:35)
Good for you.
Victoria Volk
(00:14:35 - 00:14:37)
And we have for years, and it's so important.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:14:38 - 00:15:01)
It's the best. It's the best. It's just so different than anything else and just gives you the time and perspective away to laugh and just relax and enjoy yourself, so I couldn't agree with you more. It's always nice to have it on the calendar to whenever we come back from something we just came back from my 60th birthday trip. And so whenever we come back, it's like, okay.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:15:01 - 00:15:08)
Now what? We're planning what the next thing is to at least always have that, Mhmm. To look forward to.
Victoria Volk
(00:15:08 - 00:15:10)
Because if it's not on the calendar, it won't happen.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:15:10 - 00:15:12)
Happen. Exactly. Exactly.
Victoria Volk
(00:15:13 - 00:15:15)
Because everyone has responsibilities. Right?
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:15:16 - 00:15:30)
Absolutely. Yep. You've gotta commit to it because it's easy to say to back out and say, I have too much to do. I can't go. But unless it's earth-shattering, life-altering, go.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:15:31 - 00:15:33)
You'll be happy you did, for sure.
Victoria Volk
(00:15:34 - 00:15:36)
So what did that look like when you came back?
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:15:36 - 00:15:57)
When I came back, I don't think then I don't think that I consciously said, okay. Now I'm gonna start changing my life. But yet, I did decide, to I guess I should say, you can't come back and be like, okay. Now I wanna change everything. Right?
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:15:57 - 00:16:21)
That's way too overwhelming. For me, weight I've had a weight problem my whole entire life. Just like many people with weight problem, the normal stuff, go on this, especially as a young child. Diets were different then. This extremely restrictive diet, lose a certain amount, after 3 months of basically being able to only eat lettuce, then it's like, oh my gosh.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:16:21 - 00:16:56)
Give me something else, then you taste it. The next thing, the £25 or whatever is back and more and so on and so forth. And at that point, I was I don't think I was the heaviest I ever was, but I was a 100 pounds overweight. And of all the diets I have done them all, weight watchers was one that was, like, worked for me. And I said, I'm gonna go back to weight watchers, but I'm gonna be different this time.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:16:56 - 00:17:21)
Because when I went in the past, it'd be like, okay. I need to lose x amount of weight by a certain date or else I'm a failure. And if I don't eat something on plan, oh, forget it. I might as well just ditch the whole idea. So instead, I said, what I'm gonna do, I'm going to commit to going to the weight watchers meeting one time a week.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:17:21 - 00:17:32)
That's it. Nothing to do with how much weight I lose, what I'm eating, if I'm recording my food. None of that. I'm not gonna worry about it. I'm just gonna get going to the meeting down.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:17:33 - 00:18:02)
And I did that, and I didn't lose any weight. I didn't gain any, but I didn't lose any. And then once I was comfortable with that and actually enjoying the meeting and meeting people and looking forward to going, then I added another layer. So I'm just gonna pay attention or track my food 50% of the time, and got comfortable with that and decided for the first time in my life, there is no endgame here. There is no on-and-off.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:18:02 - 00:18:16)
This was just when the term lifestyle was being thrown around, but that's what it was. That's what I told myself. You're never gonna be on a diet again. This is a lifestyle. You're gonna eat ice cream.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:18:16 - 00:18:31)
You should eat ice cream. Nothing is forbidden. But just because you ate ice cream doesn't mean you're gonna eat ice cream 7 days a week, and you're gonna add other things. It just doesn't work like this. It's a balance, and you're never gonna be off it.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:18:33 - 00:18:52)
And for so long, I looked at other people who didn't have a weight problem, and I just assumed it was easy for them. I'd see them on a Saturday night eating and drinking whatever they wanted. Maybe I don't think I made the connection. Hey. They don't eat and drink like that 21 meals a week.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:18:52 - 00:19:13)
I was so busy feeling sorry for myself, that I didn't take the time to really be honest with myself. And I think it probably took 2 to 3 years to lose 90 of the £100. I was, as we say, a turtle.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:19:13 - 00:19:53)
Slow and steady wins the race. And just the fact that I had stuck with something for that long, now it had become my new normal. And I actually have not yet hit that 100 pound mark. And since that time that I hit that number, which was probably 2016 or 17, so for me, 3 6 to 6 years, let's say, of basically maintaining, I've gone up £10, but then I've been able to lose it too, is a huge victory. So what changed?
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:19:54 - 00:20:08)
Weight Watchers didn't change. Yeah. Every year, they make some little tweaks to their program, but it wasn't that. It was my mindset. It was all in my approach and how I was thinking about the whole thing.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:20:08 - 00:20:32)
And that was really the start of my understanding howmy mind, my thoughts has the power to shape my life. I was giving the power to everybody and everything else and taking no responsibility, but yet it was the things I was thinking. I was feeling sorry for myself. Why me? Poor me.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:20:32 - 00:20:41)
Oh, I might as well just eat a cookie. You know? Whereas, when I change those thoughts, I changed my behavior. Well, and when you're start.
Victoria Volk
(00:20:42 - 00:20:44)
Congratulations, first of all.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:20:44 - 00:20:45)
Thank you.
Victoria Volk
(00:20:45 - 00:21:09)
On maintaining and changing your relationship with food because, essentially, that's really what you did. Absolutely. I think too, like, with all this, like, if you're constantly at that fight or flight stress level in your life where you're just that hamster on the wheel, it's far easier to just abandon what you know is healthy for you and just choose what's easiest.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:21:10 - 00:21:27)
Especially as an emotional stress eater. I would look forward to the end of the day when I could finally sit down, not have anybody ask me for anything. Watch an hour or 2 of TV and eat some snacks. And my husband also had a weight problem.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:21:28 - 00:21:50)
He didn't care about it like I did. He couldn't care less. So, you know, a lot of the times, I had, like, a partner in crime, which, in hindsight, I actually prefer that over the partner who looks at you and watches everything that you're putting in your mouth. At first, I thought, oh my gosh. It's even harder having him.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:21:50 - 00:22:18)
And then when I listened to my friends and what I hear and people watching you, like, I never had to worry about that. And I, for the most part, felt, yes, I would be upset, about how I looked as I would get heavier. But I never felt that his love was tied to my weight, which was how it should be, but it's not always the case.
Victoria Volk
(00:22:20 - 00:22:27)
As you were changing and coming into these different new awarenesses, did some of that rub off on your husband?
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:22:28 - 00:22:42)
I think so. I don't think, certainly, he didn't incorporate my food choices and changes into his life, but he was the, actually, I don't cook. He did. He loved it. He loved grocery shopping.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:22:42 - 00:23:01)
That was all him. And he without him, I really couldn't have done it because I would bring him recipes, and he would make things for me and portion them out. And he was my partner in it. And when he stopped cooking, it was very hard for me.
Victoria Volk
(00:23:02 - 00:23:08)
Did he stop cooking? Did he get sick? Because I know your husband that's what brought you to the podcast today.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:23:08 - 00:23:27)
Yeah. So my husband, funny. I would look back and say, boy, you went through male menopause after you turned 50. Everything seemed to like I noticed when he turned 50, he always had a lot of he was diabetic. He had Crohn's disease.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:23:29 - 00:24:13)
He had some social anxiety, which I didn't really understand. And then as my kids were both diagnosed with ADHD, it was clear he had ADHD, but it just seemed like he started getting crankier, which he wasn't cranky before, it was looking back, it was now I understand more that there was a mental illness component coming into play, but I didn't understand that then. And so as time went on, it just got worse and worse and worse. And the things that he enjoyed, he was no longer enjoying.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:24:13 - 00:24:38)
He, it seemed like it now he had to see a cardiologist. Now he had to see whatever it was, it just things started popping up, but yet because of his mental illness, he didn't take care of them as he should. So I would be making doctor's appointments for him because I was basically ran in his life. I would be making doctor's appointments for him, and he wouldn't go.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:24:39 - 00:24:55)
And then I'd have to either call or cancel or and reschedule, and it it was like a cycle. And then I had all of these different appointments. Now, simultaneously, he and I worked together. I have an insurance agency. He worked there with me from the beginning.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:24:55 - 00:25:17)
He was an integral part, I mean, more so than me. He was basically customers loved him. I was more the behind the scenes girl, doing the numbers and keeping the business running. But he was the face that people came to see. And slowly, he would be we would drive separately, and he would drive to work.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:25:17 - 00:25:37)
And he would text me or call me and say, I'm pulled over on the side of the road. I had to pull over because I was gonna get sick. And I thought this didn't happen just once. This happened more than once. And then he would pull up in front of the office and call and say, I can't come in.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:25:37 - 00:25:51)
I have to go home. Be like, what? And this went on for years, and I thought that it all had to do with his Crohn's. But looking back, it wasn't. It was anxiety.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:25:53 - 00:26:34)
And it just kept getting worse and worse and worse. And I would say that, the last 10 to 12 years of his life, I didn't really have a husband in the sense that we all think we did not have a physical relationship. We did not, I was just taking care of him, and he and he started doing less and less. Eventually, one day, he just walked out of the office and said, I can never come back. And he left me with I mean, he came back to my house, but he couldn't go back to the office.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:26:35 - 00:27:10)
And I said, Garrett, can't can't I just bring home the stuff then we just go through it and you tell me who do I need to call, what do I need to do? Like, Customer service is a huge thing for me, so just that gave me anxiety thinking that I was going to let the ball drop on so many things because of his procrastination and his illness, he had stacks of papers miles high in his desk. You couldn't even see, and he never would do it. He could not do it. And so, long term employee of of mine, she and I went through, and we just called people and said, look.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:27:10 - 00:27:31)
He had to leave suddenly, and we wanna make sure. What's outstanding, and everybody was understanding. But for me, that was super difficult because each step of the way, I think, okay. Now he's home. He doesn't have the stress of working, so now he should be able to get back to going to the grocery store and cooking, and his mood should improve.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:27:31 - 00:28:10)
And it didn't happen. It was just a I think, a very steep decline from that part on, now he wasn't well, let me just also say simultaneously, our oldest son, at that point, was suffering from depression and anxiety that was pretty intense, and he wound up being hospitalized. And it was traumatic and horrible. And I think that that trauma sealed the deal. And he then, again, I didn't realize at the time I couldn't get him out of bed for days.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:28:10 - 00:28:17)
That was the depression. I would be at work. He would have appointment. I'd be calling, calling, calling the house.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:28:17 - 00:28:27)
The phone had been ringing. He'd be sleeping. I then I'd be worried. I'd jump in my car and drive home. It was It was so incredibly stressful.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:28:28 - 00:29:02)
It eventually culminated in May of 2022 with me, somehow and this is a whole mental illness discussion. And it's very difficult to get somebody hospitalized if they're not willing, but I was able to get him hospitalized. And in a week, he made an amazing transformation. And he came home from that Hospitalization. He was so happy and upbeat.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:29:02 - 00:29:19)
He had to go to online therapy 5 days a week for 3 at a time, he was, like, the star in the group. It was like, who is this man? And we had all of us, it was like a cloud lifted. And for the 1st time, I did really feel hopeful. Like, okay.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:29:19 - 00:29:35)
He's gonna come through this. And less than 6 weeks later, he was diagnosed with terminal blood cancer. Just talking about it gets me upset. Sorry, It's just so crazy how life just throws these twists and turns you're away.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:29:35 - 00:29:51)
And that was June of 2022, and he died December 30th last year. Sorry. Thanks. And those 6 months were hell.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:29:52 - 00:30:22)
And, honestly, the physical part, yes, but the mental, it got really bad. So, it's if somebody because I never had any experience with mental illness. And it's just like anything else until you do, you just can't understand it. It is just there's no look. There's no logic to disease either, right, with cancer and whatnot, but we all know people.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:30:23 - 00:30:34)
And there's protocols. Right? And we know what the odds are, and sometimes they work, and sometimes they don't. And, you kind of know what the ultimate sometimes you do.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:30:34 - 00:30:57)
Sometimes you don't. But with mental illness, It's like throwing darts at a dartboard. And then when you compound all of these other factors, these physical illnesses. With that, it's too complex. And, he was, hospitalized for the whole month of November last year in 2 different facilities.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:30:58 - 00:31:34)
And because of the medications and whatever, he actually had a psychotic break and lost touch with reality. And it was awful. It was medication driven, I think, from what the 1st hospital did and how they took him off some meds too suddenly. And once they got him stable, he came back home, but now he hated me, because I had put him through this. And that was literally the beginning of December.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:31:36 - 00:31:49)
And then he was not on hospice. He was not it was not one of those things where we knew he was it was imminent. Nope. It came out of the blue. Out of the blue.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:31:49 - 00:32:07)
And He, in the end, basically made the decision. I don't know if it was rational, but he was he on Christmas night, he was, I heard him, like, do a little cough. My son had a cold., I'm like, what is that? And he said, oh, no.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:32:07 - 00:32:23)
It's nothing. And he really wasn't coughing, but he then he was tired and he's very sick. So, you don't really think too much of it. And then by 2 days later, I was like, I wanna do your blood pressure. I wanna take your temperature.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:32:23 - 00:32:25)
Now. Now. Now. Now. Leave me alone.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:32:25 - 00:32:39)
Leave me alone. And I got to do the temperature at least because I could just swipe, and he had a temperature. It wasn't terrible, but with his situation, that was where I was supposed to call the doctor screaming at me. No. No.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:32:39 - 00:32:53)
No. The next day, the temperature is a 102. I said, that's it, and he would not. The next morning at 6 o'clock in the morning, he basically he couldn't move. I had now I was sleeping.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:32:54 - 00:33:12)
So I had, I have a bedroom upstairs. He had he couldn't go upstairs anymore, so I actually, the room that I'm sitting in now, it's a little office in my downstairs. I turned this into a bedroom. So he was downstairs. I was sleeping upstairs, but he had a upstairs, but he had a funny feeling.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:33:12 - 00:33:27)
He just didn't wanna be alone. So I had been sleeping on an air mattress in my family room and so I could hear him to help him. And, basically, he wound up falling. I couldn't get him up. I tried to get my sons to help.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:33:27 - 00:33:40)
We couldn't move them, and I at this point, he's got this fever. I said, I don't care what you say. I'm calling. They came. They said you have to go to the hospital, and told them all the reasons.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:33:40 - 00:34:00)
And he just dug in and said, I am not going, so stop talking to me. And one of the EMTs said to me, we'll be back today, and he might not be conscious. And I didn't have a choice. What do you do?
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:34:01 - 00:34:20)
And was he did he know? Was he giving up? Did he was just so sick of hospitals at that point, especially after that traumatic experience. And about noon, his temperature was a 103, and I said, okay.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:34:21 - 00:34:32)
I'm done. And he was having trouble breathing, and he got scared. And he said, okay. And I called. And now, we've had a lot of trips to the hospital.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:34:32 - 00:34:48)
And since he did have some OCD tendencies, so I knew all the things that I had to get for him to make him feel good. And I'm gathering that stuff, and he wants him to get dressed. And I'm, like, yelling not yelling at him, but get dressed. You don't need to get dressed. You're going to the hospital.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:34:48 - 00:35:09)
Okay. I helped him get his pants on, and he's, his breathing is labored, and he says to me, what's taking them so long? And I looked and I said, are you kidding me right now? Because it's how we talk to each other. Like, after this morning, now you're annoyed that they're taking so long.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:35:09 - 00:35:20)
And he said, are you really saying that to me right now? I said, okay. I guess you're right. And it was interesting because he said to me, are you coming? And I thought, am I coming?
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:35:20 - 00:35:36)
When am I never not come? Of course. I'm gonna be right behind you. Turned out in the hospital, he went into in the on the ambulance, he went into respiratory failure. And they asked him if he wanted to be intubated, which he had said, before that he didn't.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:35:36 - 00:35:55)
But in the moment, he did. But he died less than 24 hours later. So that was our last conversation, which I don't have regrets about. I honestly feel it was appropriate. But I often wonder, what was going through his head at the time?
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:35:55 - 00:36:06)
Did he hope that that would that this was gonna be over finally, or was he just his usual stubborn self and just did not wanna go to that hospital because he hated it.
Victoria Volk
(00:36:09 - 00:36:29)
And it's so unfortunate because I'm an end of trained end-of-life doula too in, people with terminal illness and terminal cancer. There is such a there is a way to have a death on your terms, how you want it to be. But people are so afraid to go into hospice.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:36:31 - 00:36:31)
You can be
Victoria Volk
(00:36:31 - 00:36:33)
on hospice for years. You have to be a
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:36:33 - 00:36:34)
candidate for it. But, Yep.
Victoria Volk
(00:36:34 - 00:37:14)
I mean, it's 6 months, and most people don't make it because they die in the hospital. But it is possible to if the family is just open to and that's hard for the family to get to that point to be able to let go and to say to accept that that's at the phase that that person that is at in their life, but It can be a very beautiful experience and a beautiful and I'm sure people are rolling their eyes as I say that, but I've had people on this podcast you have shared with me. I'm my own dad passed away in a nursing home.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:37:14 - 00:37:15)
Mine too.
Victoria Volk
(00:37:16 - 00:37:19)
You know? It's like, he's 44 years old.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:37:19 - 00:37:20)
My goodness.
Victoria Volk
(00:37:21 - 00:37:30)
You know? Like, he could have died at home had there been this and this is in late eighties. You know? Had there's this there's support., There's resources in most areas.
Victoria Volk
(00:37:30 - 00:37:55)
I recognize that rural America is like thumbs down in that department because there's just a lack of resources and sources and support when it comes to end of life. But it's so possible to have a death with dignity. And there's actually a nonprofit called Die death with dignity. They're trying to get legislation passed in across America. And, anyway, I'll link to that in the show notes.
Victoria Volk
(00:37:55 - 00:38:00)
But, thank you for sharing that story. Yeah. I hope
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:38:00 - 00:38:04)
It wasn't too much. You know, as I got talking, I realized, oh my goodness. Boy.
Victoria Volk
(00:38:05 - 00:38:14)
It's a lot. It's just a lot for 1 person to have on their shoulders. Did you have support during that time?
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:38:15 - 00:38:27)
Yeah. I mean, obviously. No, I shouldn't say obviously. I luckily, I do have a very wonderful group of locse friends that were there.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:38:28 - 00:38:46)
But, honestly, nobody could help me. I mean, they listened to me. And, you know, it was that guilt between I want them to stop suffering. Right? But you hate to say I want him to die because I don't.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:38:47 - 00:39:13)
But to watch what happened to him and, again, there was a whole bunch of physical things. He was in a lot of pain. To watch that, I don't want that. Like, if I'm if he's never gonna be the other person, then why on the one hand, and he was so stubborn that, it was very hard because I, like, I thought I've got to bring someone in here to help me.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:39:13 - 00:39:29)
I was cleaning up all out. It was just a mess. And it was it was it was it was too much. And talking about my oldest son I have 2 sons. My oldest son, and my husband, very similar talk about love hate. So difficult. So I was always trying to play the referee between
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:39:30 - 00:40:05)
They were always the 2 of them, and that's before he got diagnosed with the cancer. So for several years, when my son's mental illness, really got pretty bad he had my son's mental illness, came out in anger in a lot of ways. So it was, not physically towards people, but it was a very volatile environment.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:40:05 - 00:40:28)
My poor younger son, that's a another whole story. But so how could my friends you know, I felt like I was really living in a nightmare, but I was just trying to make sure everybody was okay. Keep them apart. Well and they were arguing. I would just try and figure out how to go to your corners and make everybody happy and do what I needed to do for everyone.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:40:29 - 00:40:54)
And here's the thing is that I am so fortunate that I have a team at my insurance agency who is always there for me. And in those 6 months, I didn't have to worry about my business. Yes. I had to pay my bills, and I had to pay them, and I had to answer some emails and all of that.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:40:55 - 00:41:22)
But I did not have to be in the office. I did not have to be online. Yes. Again, there were things I had to take care of, but for the most part, that was removed from my life, and I could never have survived if that hadn't happened. Something woulda had to give because I was able to then take all of my energy and time and devoted to what was going on at home.
Victoria Volk
(00:41:24 - 00:41:43)
And imagine all the people that don't have that. And so thank you for acknowledging that it is up to us to create that for ourselves, to rally the people around you that fill the roles that are supportive.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:41:45 - 00:42:00)
Yeah. I am still to this day because they're still doing it for me. I am just so incredibly grateful for these women, and I try and tell them as often as often as I can that it doesn't sound insincere.
Victoria Volk
(00:42:01 - 00:42:26)
And just and you're sharing your story, it just I can just feel the heaviness of what the environment was probably like living in between your son and your husband and how much of what your son was going through, how much of it do you think was grief of just witnessing what he was witnessing? I mean, did he look at his father like he that was his hero as you did your father?
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:42:28 - 00:42:53)
I think so. I think so until they started having this kind of relationship. My son has problems processing his emotions, or I should say, he processes them to the extreme. So every little thing that happened, he took to the extreme. My husband could've said or did something, and my son can't let anything roll off to his shoulders.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:42:55 - 00:43:32)
Since my husband is gone and my younger son is away at college, There's a calmness, I often think how different the feel in the house is I think that on the one hand, but on the other hand, my son needs some help that I've kinda given this year to letting him grieve because look. As we know, grief is hard for everyone, and we all do it and process it. Different timelines, different terms. It comes. It goes.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:43:32 - 00:43:51)
You don't know when it's gonna show up. Even when you think everything is fine, the next thing you know, you're crying. And for somebody like my son, it is even more difficult. But, he's a work in progress and he's still a concern for me?
Victoria Volk
(00:43:53 - 00:43:55)
You know what? We all are. Yes.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:43:55 - 00:43:55)
We all are
Victoria Volk
(00:43:55 - 00:43:56)
a work in progress.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:43:57 - 00:43:58)
Yes. You're right.
Victoria Volk
(00:43:59 - 00:44:08)
Did they ever make a connection between the blood cancer and because, like, with the blood brain barrier, nothing.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:44:09 - 00:44:16)
Really? I kept saying, isn't this is this related to this? Is this what nope. No. And it could be.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:44:16 - 00:44:39)
Maybe it's just something. Why were they gonna take the time to figure out, all the pieces of the puzzle? Because at that point, it was what it was with the, blood cancer. There was nothing that could be done other than he was initially had started chemo. That was only supposed to try and extend his life for a little bit.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:44:39 - 00:44:40)
It was never going to be a cure.
Victoria Volk
(00:44:43 - 00:45:06)
You said something, I think it was on your website that you had this belief that it is what it is. Mhmm. And Yeah. In grief recovery and what I've learned about grief is when people say that it's generally a way to bypass our emotions. Do you still hold that belief?
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:45:07 - 00:45:18)
No. I don't hold that belief. When I said that, it really wasn't about grief. It was about my life. It was this is my life.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:45:18 - 00:45:20)
It is what it is. Like,
Victoria Volk
(00:45:20 - 00:45:21)
When things happen about
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:45:21 - 00:45:21)
It. Yes.
Victoria Volk
(00:45:21 - 00:45:23)
Yes. When things happen. Yes.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:45:23 - 00:45:23)
Like, it
Victoria Volk
(00:45:23 - 00:45:24)
is what it is.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:45:24 - 00:45:40)
But Yes. But No control. But, no, I, a 1000% don't believe it. That's what I believed for too long, and It's only been since that belief changed that my life doesn't even resemble what it used to.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:45:40 - 00:45:48)
And that's because I took control, and I continue to take control. And it's an amazing feeling.
Victoria Volk
(00:45:48 - 00:45:59)
You mentioned the weight and shifting your focus and your mindset around that. In what other ways? What has opened up for you in the last 6 years.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:46:01 - 00:46:47)
Probably the next area that I focused on was money. It was a money troubles were a dirty, deep, dark secret for me, especially because I have I am a CPA no longer practicing, but I practice for 10 years, run a business. And for years, for a variety of reasons, and there was a ton of excuses that I will tell you that I was telling myself, which were, when my son was first diagnosed, none of his therapy was covered. I would stop at nothing. I didn't care if I had to live in a shed, I was going to do whatever I could to help my son.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:46:47 - 00:47:14)
And so that kind of started, the downhill slide where, okay. I'll take a 2nd mortgage. I'll do this. I'll do that. And then, it then morphed from there already being in trouble to, something that happened in the insurance industry in my state that caused me to lose 20% of my income or so right after we had bought our house, and it just kind of, like, continued.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:47:15 - 00:47:48)
And what wound up happening was I knew that we needed to make a change. Anytime that I would like just gently say to my husband, like, maybe you should pay attention to how much you're spending at the grocery store. He would get depressed and anxious and take it to the extreme, and I couldn't stand that. So I didn't say anything. So I would keep it inside, and then things would get worse, and I would see what was happening.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:47:48 - 00:48:15)
And then since I'm self-employed, I have to pay my own income taxes, and I couldn't make the payments. And then I'd say, okay. I'll catch up next time. And then next thing it was a whole year, and it was a spiral, and I was too embarrassed to tell any person in my life, even my closest friends and family. I was mortified, and I realized actually, I'll tell you what.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:48:15 - 00:48:32)
This was another moment. In February of 2020, right before lockdown, my cousin and I went to see Oprah live in Brooklyn. She was I don't remember what she called it. It was like a transformational tour. It tour was kind of in connection with Weight Watchers, and she went to, like, 10 cities.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:48:32 - 00:48:46)
Each city, it was a whole day thing. And each city, she had a special guest star. And we went to this, and it was wonderful. And at the end of the day you know, I'm in a big arena, 16,000 people. The end of the day, they turned down the lights.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:48:46 - 00:49:23)
It's just Oprah and the microphone, and she tells some story from her childhood, that was very vulnerable. And she said something like, What secret are you hiding? What is it that you are not addressing that you're trying to ignore because you know you have it. And I'm gonna tell you, if you don't take control. It's going to erupt like a volcano, and you will have no control over what happens.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:49:24 - 00:49:39)
If you own up and take control now. You might not like what you need to do, but I can guarantee it's gonna be better than that eruption. And I started crying because I knew exactly what it was. It was the money.
Victoria Volk
(00:49:40 - 00:50:04)
Before we hear more about the secret Debbie knew she was keeping, I have a little shot of magic to share with you, something that has become an essential part of my creative flow, Magic Mind. Now I know life can get hectic, especially now during the holidays, and sometimes we need that extra boost to stay focused, energized, and alert. And, hello, family dynamics. Right? That's where Magic Mind comes in.
Victoria Volk
(00:50:04 - 00:50:40)
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Victoria Volk
(00:50:41 - 00:50:56)
But don't just take my word for it. Listeners of Grieving Voices can now get an exclusive offer. Head to magicmind.com/grieving voices and enter the code grieving voices at checkout for 20% off your order. Yes. You heard that right.
Victoria Volk
(00:50:56 - 00:51:10)
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Victoria Volk
(00:51:10 - 00:51:23)
Visit magicmind.com/grieving voices and use the code grieving voices for an exclusive discount. Trust me. Your mind will thank you. Now let's get back to learning Debbie's Secret, shall we?
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:51:25 - 00:51:46)
I went home, and I thought, okay. If I'm you know? Then I really was trying to I wanted to sell my house. But I kinda ran into the same thing. You know, my husband, my son, I even tried to, like, plant a seed, give them a little time to, but that was tough.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:51:46 - 00:52:00)
So I thought, okay. Until I can get a that across I mean, I even had I had realtor come. We have a lot of fit like, things wrong with the house than it was, oh my goodness. This needs to be fit. Like, we can't even put it on the market and I've gotta spend $20,000.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:52:00 - 00:52:13)
I don't have $20,000. So I said, okay., Let me think. What else can I do? And I started by actually, this is when maybe it had been popular for a couple years selling things on Facebook.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:52:15 - 00:52:26)
And I thought, well, what good is that gonna do? But it's kind of the same thing with the Weight Watchers thing. Right? like, what good is just going to the meeting? Well, what good is it if I just sell this thing?
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:52:26 - 00:52:43)
How much am I gonna get? But it turned into fun. And I was running around my house looking for things that I could sell. And even if I sold something for $2. It was, like, so exciting because it was like, you see?
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:52:43 - 00:52:54)
Look. I found some things that were locked away in my basement, I didn't even know. I then actually started going on, and I can't remember what website it was on. Mercari maybe. Selling and shipping.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:52:55 - 00:53:14)
And I turned it into, like, this whole fun game. And that kinda made me think, well, I did this. Let me research what other people do. What are other ways to make money? And and that was kind of like my next moment.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:53:14 - 00:53:30)
Also, then, at the same time, addressing where I was with my tax situation, wI was with my debt, I went to a I explored my options. Right? I went to a bankruptcy attorney. I went to a tax attorney. I you know?
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:53:30 - 00:53:37)
And kinda came up with a plan, and I was taking control.
Victoria Volk
(00:53:39 - 00:53:42)
And was this at the same time as your husband's decline?
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:53:43 - 00:53:59)
Yeah. pretty much because my son was hospitalized in June of 2020, so that was February of 2020. So, yes, it was all kind of happening simultaneously, which also, really was a problem for me selling the house.
Victoria Volk
(00:54:01 - 00:54:13)
And energetically. Okay. Money is money is a currency. Right? Money is energy, and it I would argue it maybe wasn't necessarily even about the money, but it was the it was what money meant.
Victoria Volk
(00:54:14 - 00:54:28)
Right? What money meant and where you were at in your life with money and that relationship with money. And so as you were making space energetically, did you start to see opportunities coming in?
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:54:29 - 00:54:55)
I did because I opened my eyes to things out there that I never would have thought of before. Just like selling the Stop on Facebook or Shipping the things. Right? And then I started thinking, well, it was such a journey. I started thinking to myself, well, I can go to my insurance agency, right, and try and figure out a way to sell more and make more money, which I did look at that.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:54:55 - 00:55:09)
But It didn't light me up. I had been looking. What is it? I always it not at me that I could never figure out what's my passion? What's my purpose?
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:55:09 - 00:55:16)
Did I really wanna be an attorney? Did I wanna be a CPA? Like, who knows? I'm watching my son now. He doesn't know what the heck he wants to be.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:55:16 - 00:55:27)
He's gonna be a 2nd semester junior. He's he said the other day. Oh, I'm panic stricken to graduate because he has no idea what he wants to do. So I've been searching.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:55:28 - 00:55:50)
And, At the time, I had just started using these supplements that, a podcaster that I listened to, used and was selling. And I thought, because I think I have a very you know? I'm leery. I'm a New Yorker. I'm like, oh, yeah.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:55:50 - 00:56:08)
This is just a ploy. And I listened to her talk about it for a year or so, and I said, oh goodness. Let me just try. And for me, it really made a difference, like, in my mood, in my energy. I, you know, I was, like, ready to go, but not in a cap there was no caffeine, so it wasn't that kind of way.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:56:08 - 00:56:44)
And so I thought to myself, well, I'm can only be passionate about what I'm feel passionate about. And I felt like this was really making a difference in my life, so I decided this must be where I need to go. Follow this this feeling. And, I really started, I think, at that time paying attention to, like, the messages that were being sent to me. Really trying to tune into my heart and my gut instead of my mind.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:56:45 - 00:57:12)
Because Earlier with that podcaster, actually, I signed up for a course of hers. It was more money than I could have ever imagined. Again, money was an issue. So my logical brain said, are you out of your mind? You're supposed to be figuring out how to get more money, and now you're spending money you don't have, but something kept bringing me back back to signing up.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:57:12 - 00:57:26)
What was the draw? And I listened to that instead of my logical brain. And it was all about mindset. And that was, like, start of the start of my formal training on mindset.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:57:27 - 00:57:56)
And so it was that same podcaster who then had talked about this mastermind group that she belonged to. I had no idea what a mastermind was. She brought on her coach, and she was in an elite mastermind, which were business people who, were making over a certain amount of money But he had, like, a basic level mastermind for people making, like, 0 to 500,000, and I thought, well, I'm making 0, so that's perfect., I'm gonna join this mastermind.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:57:56 - 00:58:14)
They're gonna show me how to sell this stuff, and here we go. And I walked into I I Like to say, I, like, walked into The Wizard of Oz. Where is this online world? I had no I had just been introduced to podcasts, for goodness sake. I had no idea this whole world existed.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:58:14 - 00:58:34)
And then I saw people who were taking their experiences and sharing and helping other people just like you're doing., Right? Which when I think to myself, I was so stuck on, well, don't they need some certification? Don't they? You know?
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:58:34 - 00:58:47)
Gosh. Who do you wanna learn from? I wanna learn from someone who walked in my shoes. Right?, Mean, none of our experiences are exactly identical, but there's a lot of general stuff here that we can all relate to.
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:58:48 - 00:59:12)
And when I learned of that, I said, okay. I'm still taking my supplement. I like it and all, But that's not it. And, it's another whole story, but I started something at that time called the caregiver support squad, which was to help family caregivers learn to prioritize their own self care.
Victoria Volk
(00:59:13 - 00:59:21)
Which by that point, you've become very much an expert. Right? The hard knocks of caregiving. Right? For sure.
Victoria Volk
(00:59:21 - 00:59:22)
PhD in caregiving?
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:59:22 - 00:59:30)
Yes. That's right. I didn't need to go and get that PhD from an accredited university. Life experience gives you all you need.
Victoria Volk
(00:59:32 - 00:59:33)
So when did the book come about?
Debbie R. Weiss
(00:59:35 - 01:00:08)
So what I discovered after I started the caregiver support squad is the people that I was working with, it was very hard for them and understandably, as I just spilled my guts to you, to them for them not to spend the time sharing the difficulties they were having with their loved one. And I didn't want to be about that. I wanted to be about what can we do for you. What lights you up? Let's work together to figure out how we can work self-care into your life.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:00:09 - 01:00:47)
And I just wasn't at a point where I could take on their difficulties. Because it was difficult for me to sit there and listen to other people's difficulties, while I was in the thick of it. And at that time, I realized, I feel like what I've learned is broader message. Self-care for caregivers, a 1000%. But I think what I've really learned Is that a quote from The Wizard of Oz, which is my favorite now?
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:00:48 - 01:00:57)
Got it right here. Someone gave it to me in a little makeup bag. It's from Glenda the Good Witch, and it says, you've always had the power, my dear. You just had to learn it for yourself.
Victoria Volk
(01:00:59 - 01:01:00)
I just got full body chills.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:01:01 - 01:01:39)
And how many times did I hear that quote and didn't really get it? But when I heard it, I got it. And I want from there, that's when I pivoted and said, if I was 50 plus and I didn't know it, I consider myself a fairly intelligent person. There must be other people out there who are just like me, who just don't think there's another way. Who can tell you why they can't because that was me.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:01:40 - 01:01:58)
So I get it. But yet I see what has happened since I shifted my mindset. And so I said, I need to reach all of those people and shake them and tell them, no. It doesn't have to be this way. But how do I reach them?
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:01:59 - 01:02:06)
It's like everything else. Right? Podcasts, social media. Like, you just wanna stand and scream. I want a megaphone that everybody should hear.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:02:08 - 01:02:28)
And, again, I never wanted to write a book. As I said, I'm a numbers person. Never thought, ever dreamt of it. And I listened to the signs. And, I, again, with a different podcast, a woman was on being interviewed, and she helped first time authors get their story out there.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:02:28 - 01:02:41)
And I thought, this is not even a regular podcast I listen to. This was meant for me to be heard. Like, this I was meant to listen to this because other things were kept telling me about a book, and I was like, no. I can't do that. I can't.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:02:41 - 01:02:56)
I can't. I can't. And I connected with her, and, I guess that was, that was it. I said, let me join the course. And then, couple weeks later, my husband was diagnosed with the cancer.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:02:56 - 01:03:30)
And I went to my therapist, and I said, I'm embarrassed that I'm even bringing this up. When this is going on in my life, I feel so selfish that I'm actually still considering taking this course. And she said, no. I disagree with you. She said this is exactly what you need because you need something right now because you're gonna be going through an intense period of time, we don't know what that's gonna look like, but you need something completely separate from that just for yourself.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:03:31 - 01:03:46)
And, being the a student that I am, I'm like, well, what if I can't show up every week? Or what if there's homework and I didn't do the homework. And what if I have to read out loud? And then I'm gonna be embarrassed because I don't know how to write. I mean, I had every excuse in the book.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:03:46 - 01:03:54)
And she said, who cares? Who cares? And I thought, well, I guess, at least, I have a good excuse. Right? You know what?
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:03:54 - 01:04:25)
I won't show up as a bad student. I people will understand. And, you know, the minute that I was in, it was a very intimate group, all writing about different things, all first time authors. And, it was it was an amazing experience that I'm still on that has started me on a trajectory that I could never ever. I wouldn't I wouldn't have bet, a bazillion dollars that I would ever be an author.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:04:25 - 01:05:10)
And now writing my 2nd book and already thinking about other books, it's like, who am I? And all because, basically, I followed I followed the whispers and really tried to tune into my gut instead of the I can't that always comes into my head, and that's one of the reasons my book is named On Second Thought, Maybe I Can, because I spent my life saying I can't and telling myself and others all the reasons why I couldn't do something. And it could be a small thing or a big thing. And, if we just take a pause and see what lives on the other side and say, well, wait a minute. Maybe I can.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:05:11 - 01:05:12)
That's where my life has changed.
Victoria Volk
(01:05:15 - 01:05:18)
So good. That was all so good.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:05:18 - 01:05:25)
Yeah. I never said it like that before. Boy, that did sound good, but it's true. It's true. It's so true.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:05:25 - 01:05:35)
I just hope I get that across. I really mean it. And I hope this doesn't come across as bragging because it's not
Victoria Volk
(01:05:35 - 01:05:38)
No. I'm gonna say, I want you to brag.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:05:38 - 01:06:00)
Okay. Well, I'm gonna tell you because I'm preparing right now. It'll have been done by the time this airs for a master class tomorrow. And, Lauren, that's my writing coach who I still work with. She said to me the other day, have you sat back and thought about all that has happened to you this year?
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:06:01 - 01:06:11)
It's like, what do you mean? She starts naming the things. I'm not it's like something happens. It's fun. It's exciting.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:06:11 - 01:06:25)
Onto the next thing. Onto the next thing. Onto the next thing. And I realized that that's something that I need to get better at is in I do enjoy the moment when it happens, but then I'm very quick to say, okay. And what do I have to do next?
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:06:25 - 01:06:44)
What are we on to next? What are we on to next? And I that's my personality. But looking back and and celebrating the wins, The big wins and the small wins. So my husband passed away December 30th, and does it the Sprinkle of Hearts store opened January 14th.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:06:44 - 01:07:21)
That was another whole thing that was in the works, prior. And a week after my husband died, I had a TikTok video that went viral. I wasn't even on like, I was on TikTok, but I don't go on TikTok. I had a virtual assistant who was posting on social media. And at the time I was making videos every day with no makeup, I still do that a lot, walking my dog in the morning, and I just would turn on my camera and say whatever was on my mind, like, whatever.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:07:22 - 01:07:57)
No preconceived nothing. And most of the time, first take, that was that. And this particular day, it started with it's been 8 days since my husband died. And I went on to say that everything in my life feels out of control, and I think I was talking about, I'm eating cookies for breakfast, my exercise routine, and then went on, obviously, to say how my whole life is turned upside down. And it wound up getting 3,700,000 views.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:07:59 - 01:08:23)
I got, oh my gosh. the most amazing outpouring of love through comments. I was I was blown away. Blown away. I just you you just don't know.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:08:23 - 01:08:33)
You just don't know. I gained, like, I don't know. 59,000 followers. It was it was crazy. It was so crazy.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:08:34 - 01:09:02)
But so crazy in such an amazing way because it literally felt like the whole world was giving me a hug. And for whatever I said, I must have said something about walking, and it turned into this thing like, Debbie, I'm gonna walk with you. Mhmm. Like, I'm gonna walk this journey with you of, like, getting your life back together. It was so that's how the year started.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:09:02 - 01:09:19)
And then, I was able I was, let me just say, like, nobody. I have no connections, so I wanna make that clear. It's not like, oh, she's got a name and no. No. No.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:09:20 - 01:09:26)
I'm an Oprah insider. $25. Right. I don't know how many other people. Oh, millions.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:09:26 - 01:09:37)
Right? I get an email. Oprah's gonna be taping one of her insider shows in New York. I live in New Jersey. On this date, we, and it's about we.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:09:38 - 01:09:53)
And so they just asked, only respond if you, a 100% can make it because there's limited tickets. Anyway, it was a whole thing. I was visualizing. I had a whole thing going on. I wind up getting the tickets.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:09:54 - 01:10:18)
It was an amazing experience less than a 100 people in a little office not a little, but in the hearst office building, so not little. And at the end of the it was 2 shows, actually. And at the end of the taping of the 2nd show, Oprah was, like, hanging out. And I had taken my book. And in my book, I have the story about February 2020.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:10:19 - 01:10:33)
And so I wrote something in the front of the book. I put a bookmark, where that was, and she was take she was wonderful. She was taking selfies with people, and I was right there. I don't even wanna say stage. It was a little riser.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:10:34 - 01:10:55)
And I'm waiting, looking for something. I'm waiting, and she comes up to me, and I'm holding my book. And she looks like only talking to me. And I got to tell her, you changed my life by something you said in I saw you February 2020. And she said, what did I say?
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:10:55 - 01:11:15)
And I told her. And then I went on to tell her, and I wrote about it in this book. You know, because of that, that eventually led to this book. It's this is my, like, crappy printed picture, but it was it was incredible. I mean, we walked out of there, my cousin and I, and she said, what's wrong with you?
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:11:15 - 01:11:26)
And I said, what do you mean? And she said, you're so calm. And she started screaming, you just gave your book to Oprah. And I thought, oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:11:26 - 01:11:47)
Like, how did this even happen? So and then a few weeks later, my book was published. That was actually before it was published, so I had this wonderful book launch. And then I represented all family caregivers on The Kelly Clarkson Show. It actually comes out today as we're talking oh my gosh.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:11:48 - 01:12:00)
Congratulations. Thank you. Yep. So she has a segment at the end of each of her show called what I'm liking. And so it was a Skype interview, in honor of National Family Caregiver Month.
Victoria Volk
(01:12:00 - 01:12:02)
December is National Family
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:12:02 - 01:12:05)
Caregiver Month. November was. Oh, November 12. In November. Yes.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:12:05 - 01:12:13)
So it was November. So it comes out today, which is the 28th, November 28th. But you can always go to Kelly's YouTube channel and find it.
Victoria Volk
(01:12:14 - 01:12:23)
Please send me the link, and I will put that in the show notes. I will. And I can't believe I completely missed National Caregiver Month. I, like, completely missed that.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:12:23 - 01:12:25)
Well, that's okay. Now you won't next year.
Victoria Volk
(01:12:25 - 01:12:32)
Now I won't next year. Yeah., Those are huge wins. It sounds like a lot of full-circle moments.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:12:32 - 01:13:00)
Yeah. Exactly. And like I said, it's not like I I mean, I just explained my life to you. None of those things I could have ever imagined, predicted nothing, and it never would have happened if I didn't just make that switch in my head and start viewing my life, my Control of my life and my circumstances differently and following my heart.
Victoria Volk
(01:13:01 - 01:13:41)
All of that responsibility that you have felt and put on your shoulders and words was on your shoulders in caregiving for others and everything that you had on your plate to do. Turning that sense of responsibility on its head and putting it towards your life and taking responsibility then for your life, that's really the best use of the strength, responsibility. Because it is a strength. I'm a Youmap certified Youmap coach, which your son may be interested in that. I had my son take the Youmap assessment when he went to college.
Victoria Volk
(01:13:41 - 01:13:51)
He's going into nursing. My daughters took it. I took it. It was life-affirming for me. I can I'll put that in the show notes.
Victoria Volk
(01:13:51 - 01:13:51)
But okay.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:13:51 - 01:13:52)
That would be great.
Victoria Volk
(01:13:52 - 01:14:20)
Youmap is amazing tool to help you discern and determine what is the best fit for you. And it's about career and life satisfaction. But I think the message in this podcast is support, self-care, taking responsibility, and really what that message on your from the Wizard of Oz is recognizing the power that we all have within us.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:14:21 - 01:14:31)
Exactly. Exactly. And that's what changed my life, realizing, no. It's not up to everybody else. It's not predetermined.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:14:32 - 01:14:46)
It's up to how I respond to these things, how I choose to respond. And that's what's made the difference. And any it can make the difference for anyone regardless of what's going on in your life. There's always something you can do to take control.
Victoria Volk
(01:14:48 - 01:14:52)
How do you intend to spend December 30th this year?
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:14:52 - 01:15:01)
Gosh. That's a great question. I don't know. Through the whole year, as we all know, those firsts. Right.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:15:01 - 01:15:18)
My 1st anniversary, Valentine's Day. It was just his birthday, the end of October. Thanksgiving was his favorite holiday. They're rough. My youngest son's birthday is December 31st.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:15:21 - 01:15:42)
Mhmm. So it just makes it so hard because I hate that he will think that they'll forever be tied together. And, he'll be 21. So, you know, I my older son, I'm not really a cemetery person.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:15:42 - 01:16:02)
I have not been back there. We wanted to go on his birthday, but for whatever or my son wanted to go on his birthday, but, there was that was closed or whatever when we wanted to go. If that's what my son wants, then that's what I'll do. I'm not sure. I think right now, I'm not sure.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:16:02 - 01:16:29)
Taking it kinda one day at a time. But I do find that, even now, thinking as I'm talking, you know, last year at this time, I know what was happening. He was in the hospital, like, reliving that hell that he and I went through differently. I wanna get away from that feeling. Because that was the toughest time for me.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:16:30 - 01:16:37)
So, I think I'm trying to take one day at a time. How's that? That's the answer. One day at a time. So you can't?
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:16:37 - 01:16:56)
I don't have I don't have it. I don't know. I don't know. And I've find that I do this a lot. I have a lot of anticipation about these days, and I've spent so much time beforehand leading up to it that I don't wanna say it's anticlimactic, but it's almost like I'm okay by that day.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:16:56 - 01:17:12)
I've kind of, like, been so worried about it beforehand that I've worked through it by the time I get there. And in a way, I want that because I want that for my son. Well you know, for my son who's turning 21. Right.
Victoria Volk
(01:17:12 - 01:17:31)
And and by sitting with it Mhmm. And having that time to sit with it before, you can be a better you can help him sit in his grief maybe a little bit easier for you yeah. Maybe. I don't know. I mean, it's hard to see your kids hurting to worst part.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:17:31 - 01:17:35)
Right. Yeah. Yeah. That's that's the hard part.
Victoria Volk
(01:17:35 - 01:17:36)
To him.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:17:36 - 01:17:52)
Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. My little guy, the one who's gonna be 21, he's it's he's a different person, obviously. And, he's he was more removed because he wasn't, he was here, obviously.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:17:52 - 01:18:21)
He's not there in school all the time, but he was more removed from the day to day, especially between, when it really got intense from, whenever he leaves the end of August until he came home on December 16th and only 2 weeks before. So he wasn't it wasn't his reality. And it and then it's not his reality when he went back to school. Right? He's of course, it doesn't matter where you are.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:18:21 - 01:18:47)
But when you're not living In that space and that place, and, he's got his separate life that he doesn't equate with the rest of us. I think that gave him separation. Who knows down the road when and how it'll come back, like what I said earlier. And we all know People process at different times. He really has not had, too much visible grieving.
Victoria Volk
(01:18:48 - 01:19:30)
There was something you said earlier about shaking the tree and how just being kind of on the other side of this now and still working through it, right, because we all are always a work in progress, but there was so many parallels that I drew from what you were sharing into how I feel about grief and how I just you know, the megaphone and I that's why my art my art for my podcast is me on an island with a megaphone because you feel like you're alone. You feel like you don't have a choice. You wanna scream from the rooftops. And for me, it's like it has two meanings because I also wanna scream the message that it there is light at the end of the tunnel. There is.
Victoria Volk
(01:19:30 - 01:19:39)
Is there a tunnel? I mean, how long is it? I mean, that's up to you, really. I mean, you do have some power in that. You know, there is no time line.
Victoria Volk
(01:19:39 - 01:19:56)
You're you're always gonna have I think it was grief. It's like people just think, like, I'm never gonna be sad. You're like that you have to get over it. And getting over it means that you're not gonna be sad anymore. And the thing even with grief and the work that I do with clients, it's I never promise you're never gonna feel sad again.
Victoria Volk
(01:19:57 - 01:20:16)
I tell you, you will feel sad because those anniversaries come around. Right? You're still gonna feel something. And you will because that relationship continues. The relationship with your husband is still going to continue, just in a different capacity in how it lives within you.
Victoria Volk
(01:20:17 - 01:20:44)
And that's the thing that we have a choice over is do I want this thing to, like, pull me down, take me out of my life experience. Have me checking out of my own existence, or can I allow it to move through me and with me to help me expand and recognize my power and see my own potential?
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:20:46 - 01:21:00)
Exactly. Exactly. I mean, I couldn't I couldn't agree more. And I do feel like, I do, you know, something happens. Been some looking up in the ceiling or, talking to him all the time.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:21:00 - 01:21:38)
What you know, I I feel his presence. I feel comfort knowing that he's at peace, at least, you know, out of his physical body, whatever you believe, but at least I know he's no longer suffering in that way. And, I can wish every day for the rest of my life that it didn't turn out this way, but that's not gonna help me? Right? I mean, it doesn't work this way.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:21:38 - 01:22:06)
Life takes twists and turns that none of us would choose. But it's how we respond to those twists and turns and to sit here and feel sorry for myself and hope and wish and why and question. You know? Yeah. Of course, we all have those moments, but they should be far and few between, especially as we get a little further away from the experience.
Victoria Volk
(01:22:07 - 01:22:10)
Is there anything else that you would like to share?
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:22:10 - 01:22:38)
I think I said everything I have in my head. You got it all out of me and then some that I wasn't expecting. So, I really do feel like I hope that you and I both got our same similar messages across that if you're a person out there thinking because I was thinking, oh, sure. They're saying that, but they don't know my circumstance. Right?
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:22:38 - 01:22:53)
I could say, oh, but yeah. But I'm dealing with this and this and this. Mm-mm. I won't have it, and you shouldn't have it either. There are certainly times where life gets more intense.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:22:53 - 01:23:01)
Right? Those 6 months that my husband was dying, it was super intense for sure. But you know what? I wrote my book.
Victoria Volk
(01:23:02 - 01:23:40)
And the key thing here and I wanna just circle back to what you said about the caregiving groups and how it was too much for you to hear, their current struggles and things. And it really does parallel grief support groups too because they can be the most supportive places, but they can also hinder your progress because It really is a repetition of the story. Right? It's this it that's what happens at these. You can create great bonds and friendships, but at the same time, is it moving you forward?
Victoria Volk
(01:23:40 - 01:23:51)
You're not taking action. It's the action that you take that makes the difference. And that's what I heard you say when you were speaking about that too, and same with grief same with grief.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:23:52 - 01:24:22)
Absolutely. I'm such a big fan of support groups because I do find them helpful when you are in a room with people who understand. I did not choose to do a grief support group because I felt like I didn't need it. Whereas, I've been in many other types of support groups and more recently with family members of those who suffer with mental illness. And, there's times when I need it and times when I don't and times when I'm on there thinking, okay.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:24:22 - 01:24:44)
This is not healthy for me. So, it it really just does depend upon where you are, the mix of people, the facilitator, but you just have to know what's good for you pay attention to what's working and not working for you. And listen to the whispers. Action is yeah. Listen to the whispers, and action is so the key.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:24:44 - 01:25:02)
When other people we're reflecting on my experience, and they said to me, well, you took action. And I don't think I recognize that since so many of us think about all these things. Right? And, actually, I don't even remember what it was. It might have been about the book.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:25:02 - 01:25:19)
And a woman I ran into, she said, gosh. You know? You did it. She said, for 3 years, I had this idea, whatever it was. And she said, I just found, writings about it or whatever it was, 3 3 years later collecting dust.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:25:21 - 01:25:35)
And, 3 years is gonna pass. A year is gonna pass. 2 months is gonna pass. Do you wanna have that collecting dust? Whatever that is, whatever progress you're looking to make, time is going to move.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:25:36 - 01:25:38)
Make make the best use of it.
Victoria Volk
(01:25:38 - 01:25:40)
It waits for no one.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:25:40 - 01:25:41)
That's it.
Victoria Volk
(01:25:41 - 01:25:44)
Where can people find you if they would love to connect with you?
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:25:45 - 01:25:52)
Find out the yes. Is the best place. Thank you. It's Debbier. The r is very important.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:25:52 - 01:26:13)
Otherwise, you wind up in a realtor. Debbierweiss.com. And all my information is there. I am starting a group coaching program will launch soon after this podcast airs, so it's starting on January 9th. So if you're interested, go check it out.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:26:13 - 01:26:33)
I've got some other offerings on there, and I also have a bunch of free different downloads, help you find your Inner power, find time for self-care, and then, some morning what I call morning sprinkles of goodness, which is some journal prompts and whatnot. So and all my social media and all the things are all there.
Victoria Volk
(01:26:34 - 01:26:38)
Is the January 9th, is that, group is that for caregivers?
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:26:39 - 01:26:46)
Nope. It's for any woman who is ready to make a change in their life and rewrite their story.
Victoria Volk
(01:26:47 - 01:26:56)
Yes. I'm all about that. Thank you so much. This has been a wonderful conversation. Thank you so much for everything that you've shared.
Victoria Volk
(01:26:56 - 01:27:20)
And even if it was the 1st time you've shared it, it is my honor to have been a witness and to hear it. So thank you so much for sharing it with my listeners. My thoughts are with you and your family as you go through the holiday coming up and your son in the anniversary. And, it's that's where you have to rely on, take your own advice. Right?
Victoria Volk
(01:27:20 - 01:27:25)
Self-care Yes. Do what you need to do for you. So thank you so much for being here.
Debbie R. Weiss
(01:27:25 - 01:27:28)
Thank you for having me. This has been cathartic.
Victoria Volk
(01:27:28 - 01:27:35)
Oh, I'm so glad., Thank you so much. And remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life.