Grieving Voices

6 Tips For Getting Out of a Slump

August 01, 2023 Victoria V Season 4 Episode 153
Grieving Voices
6 Tips For Getting Out of a Slump
📣 Grieving Voices
Join Grieving Voices in supporting hurting hearts everywhere!
Starting at $3/month
Show Notes Transcript

In this week's episode, we dive deep into self-improvement and personal growth.
Today's episode is about:

  • Exploring the dynamic between motivation and determination and why determination is often more potent in overcoming challenges (including grief).   
  • Discovering the key differences between these concepts and how harnessing determination can lead to more success and empowerment.
  • In this episode, I also share with you how determination played a role in me becoming the person I am today.

Motivation and determination play vital roles in the pursuit of success, but determination is often considered more critical in the long run. While motivation can provide the initial drive and enthusiasm to start a journey, it tends to fluctuate over time and may not always be present. In this episode, I explore motivation and determination and the role of each in our lives, even in times of challenge.

On the other hand, determination embodies a relentless commitment to achieving goals, even in the face of adversity and challenges. Determination keeps individuals going when the initial excitement fades away, and obstacles threaten to derail their progress. Determination fuels resilience, perseverance, and unwavering focus, pushing people to overcome setbacks and stay on track toward their objectives.

While motivation can ignite the spark, determination keeps the fire burning. Combining both elements can be a powerful approach, as motivation can be the catalyst for building determination, creating a resilient mindset that propels individuals toward their dreams and the will to reach the other side of adversity.




  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
  • Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor

If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.

Are you enjoying the podcast? Check out my bi-weekly newsletter, The Unleashed Letters.


Support the show

This episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.

Would you like to join the mission of Grieving Voices in normalizing grief and supporting hurting hearts everywhere? Become a supporter of the show HERE.

Victoria Volk: Hey there. Thank you so much for tuning in to this week's episode, which is episode 153 five tips for getting out of a slump and I can't tell you how many times I have been there. Probably just like you as you're listening to this, saying, raising your hand, saying, yep, that's me. I'm in a slump, whether it's physically, emotionally, mentally, all the ways we find ourselves feeling like our feet are planted in quicksand or concrete. Right? Like we have a really difficult time putting one foot in front of the other.

Victoria Volk: We lack the motivation, right, to get ourselves out of this pit we find ourselves in, and it can be in relationships too. Right? Like, there's so many ways that we find ourselves in a slump. So this is not going to be directly correlated with any type of slump whether it's physical or mental emotional, relational, anything like that, this is going to be a very general overarching episode about getting out of a slump no matter what that slump is. And it's inspired by my coach actually who my it's she's actually my fitness and nutrition coach. I am a coach. I'm a grief coach, grief therapist, whatever you want to call me. I do energy healing work, but I'm someone who recognizes that I need support as well. And any coach or therapist or anyone you choose to work with who doesn't themselves have a coach, not saying that's wrong or bad, I mean, I've gone through phases where I didn't have a coach or a mentor or something like that. But in the areas of my life where I know, I've needed support. I've sought it out.

Victoria Volk: I currently have a speaking coach. And mentor and like I said, I just recently started with a nutrition and fitness coach and it's pushed me beyond my comfort zone for sure. I am learning so much about food and reading labels and shifting my relationship with food which stems from my childhood. I can talk about that later in this podcast, not in this episode, but I think after I've been at it for a while, I'll share my experience with you all, but I just think these what areas of your life could you use some mentoring or support or coaching. It's not wrong. It's not bad. It helps you grow. It gets you out of your comfort zone. It helps you to evolve and develop yourself. And really, I mean, the best version of yourself is the best version you give to others. And so I'm one of my values is growth. So that's me living out my value of of personal growth or growth in development. That's very important to me. And when I stop doing that, I will be dead.

Victoria Volk: So I'll get into values a little bit. In this episode because that does play a role and what motivates us. But this episode is a little bit about motivation versus determination and as well. And so I'm gonna touch on a lot of different things here, but there will be six tips that I will provide you. I think I said five, but I think I actually wrote a six one, so this is six tips for getting out of a slump.

Victoria Volk: I'd like to start out talking about motivation. There are things that we do to get ourselves motivated. We may have grief over our body image. And so if we have grief over our body image, we might put pictures of the physique of people that we don't even know on our mirrors or inner lockers at work or in our cubicles or on our phones or places where we can see them to inspire us to keep going. We might not even know those people. Right? But it's just a visual cue. Like, this is what I want. And it can be effective and I suppose like manifestation and having what do you call those boards, vision board, so to speak. Or you can put a picture of yourself when you were younger. There are many people who do that too. Like, your younger self, your slimmer, trimmer, healthier, fitter self. Right? So that's another thing that people often can do to keep themselves motivated. Right? But you're not the same person you used to be. And especially if you are a female and you've had children, you're definitely not going to have the same body composition and look that you did when you were twenty, it's not going to happen, most likely.

Victoria Volk: When I look back to after I had my third child, and I was nursing her probably at eighteen until eighteen months. I was a photographer at the time, and I had to go to Montana. It was quite a drive to get there, and I had to quit nursing her cold turkey. When she was eighteen months to get to go photograph this wedding. And that I look back now at that time and that was probably one of the smallest I had ever been as an adult.

Victoria Volk: And I've had to let go of the fact that that is not what I will be like ever again, most likely. But the thing is, I wasn't was a healthy, this is what I've learned too in my program is that you can be a hundred and forty pounds of softness or you can be a hundred and forty pounds of muscle. The body composition will be very different. And this is where we focus so much on the scale, and that is the wrong caliber of health. From what I've learned. And the least reliable resource that we have to gauge to gauge our health. So that's just one aspect of how we get ourselves motivated in terms of like like physical. Right? If we have grief over our physical bodies. 

Victoria Volk: But motivation is fleeting. Right? Like, how do you stay motivated to keep going at something? Whether it's bettering your physical self or your mental health or your emotional or relational aspects of your life. How do you keep motivated? Is motivated, is quick, it's fleeting, it comes and goes. You can't rely on it. It it's exciting at the moment, and it lives in emotion. Whereas determination, when I think of determination, I think of grit, I think of power. I think of being a fighter. I think of not giving up, resilience, we can be motivated or we can be determined. And determination to me is when you have your mind set on something. 

Victoria Volk: And often for me, what I have had to do is put myself in the way of suffering. I say suffering, but I mean really discomfort. And challenge to prove to myself that I could do what it is that I thought I couldn't do. For example, I was 20 years old when I enlisted in the military. I was one of the oldest people at my basic training, boot camp. Most people are, like, eighteen when they seventeen, eighteen when they go to basic. So I wasn't that much older, but I was not. I was not an athlete growing up. I had two left feet I did not have the strength to do I barely squeaked out one push-up. And that's what you had to do in order to be accepted at the military processing, what they call it, maps.

Victoria Volk: And so I squeaked out my one push-up. And by the end of basic training, which was around eight weeks, I did my training at Fort Leonardwood, Missouri. Same place. My dad had actually been for his army training. And I did the most push-ups of all the females by the end of my basic training. Seventy-two in two minutes. Will I hit that again? I don't know. It is possible. I think with this fitness and nutrition program I'm now doing, but I didn't think it was ever possible for me. And so determination was what kept me going. Because there were plenty of other females and males, to be honest, that had to be recycled. Recycled meaning, they start from the beginning. And it could have been from an injury, but sometimes it was just because they could not pass the physical aspect. We did a two-mile road march with forty-pound rucksack. I think it was it might have been more than that. I can't even remember what the rucksack weight was, but that was grueling, I remember, but I did it. I finished. But that was the greatest challenge for me physically that I have ever put myself in. 

Victoria Volk: But I tell you what, it wasn't motivation that was keeping me going. We need to regularly recognize our small wins and our strengths to keep us going and recognize what is going well and understand that there is no shame that no one has motivated all of the time. And what I really have come to know is that determination has a really strong why. Why are you doing what you were doing? Why do you want to happen? Why do you want this thing to happen happen. Right? Like, for me getting out of my slump of my grief, right? I had never really addressed it in my forty-plus years of life. And I was determined to figure out why I felt the way I felt. And I took action and that's what we need to do. Determination leads us to taking action. If you are going to sit on your couch and wait to be motivated to get out of a slump, you're you're gonna wait for a very long time. With motivation, you're just going through the motion.

Victoria Volk: So the first tip I would give is to not overwhelm yourself. When you feel overwhelmed in life, lighten up your goals and simplify. What's one thing you can do today or daily to get out of the slump and add as you go day by day. You need to crawl before you walk. Right? 

Victoria Volk: Second tip, lose the shame in the guilt. As we build our confidence, the shame and the guilt subside or lessen. And coming back to recognizing your wins and your strengths, think about what's going well. These are ways that we lessen the shame and the guilt. Not everybody gets it right the first time. You're gonna fall, you're gonna fail, you're gonna feel like you failed. 

Victoria Volk: But there was a my son Russel, when he was an elementary school. And there was a wrestling team that had a quote on the back of their t-shirts and I've never forgotten it and I probably am not gonna say it exactly how it was on the shirt, but you don't fail there's no such thing as failure. There's only learning. And that's absolutely true in the sport of wrestling, but it's true in the sport of life. Right? We're gonna be learning constantly. There's always something more to learn about ourselves about each other, about our grief, about our physical capabilities, about our resilience. There is so much to learn. Life is the gift that keeps on giving in that regard.

Victoria Volk: Three, share with a trusted loved one or a friend, seek support and a cheerleader. And maybe accountability if that's what you need. I know for me personally, I need accountability because I have zero executing strengths. I am someone who okay, let me come up with the plan. Someone else executed. Right? Someone else, If there was if I were to ever build an app, it would be I would come up with the ideas. I would structure it out. Someone else would execute. I am the builder of things, of ideas. The builder of the ideas but someone else does be executing. And so I know for myself that accountability is huge for me. To keep myself in check and to recognize that probably more so of a cheerleader. Right? And I think, again, this comes back to being our bet being our own cheerleader. And how we do that is recognizing what is going well. What are we accomplishing? And I think when you look for that trust and a loved one or a friend, maybe they'll have similar goals to you that you can hold each other accountable and be that support for one another. And if it's an area of your life, where a friend or a family member is not the best person. Say, like, when it comes to grief, for example, maybe that's where you bring someone like me into your life to help you support to support you through those things as you work through those losses and the traumas that happened in your past that are probably weighing you down today that are contributing to this slump that you're in. And that was the thing if I'm really connecting some dots here because connectedness is in my top five, is a lot of my slumps we're connected to grief in some respect in some way. 

Victoria Volk: Tip #4. Be open to stepping outside of your comfort zone. Try something new. Don't have this all or nothing idea or mindset that, well, I tried that so now this isn't gonna work. I did that. That didn't work. Well, she tried that and that didn't work for her, so it's surely not gonna work for me. We tell ourselves these stories even before we begin. You have to put yourself in the way of struggle and challenge sometimes in order to grow and that means getting out of your comfort zone. The moments I have done that in my life have been the most rewarding experiences of my life. Like I said, my military service, the basic training, deployment, becoming a parent, opening a business, writing a book, starting this podcast, so many things applying for a job that I never should have probably gotten, and I did. But I was open to learning something new. I was not coming in as a know it all. Like, I love to learn. And so I am always open to learning something new. My clients are always teaching me something new about myself too. 

Victoria Volk: Tip five. Set time aside to self-reflect. I cannot stress this enough. That we are constantly going going going going going. How do we ever possibly recognize what's going well? Celebrate our wins if we don't pause long enough to acknowledge them. So at the end of the day, while you're driving in the morning when the house is quiet, build it into your day as a habit. Anchoring it in another behavior. So like I said, as you're driving, no music, no podcast, get out your voice recorder. There's voice memo apps that you can put on your phone. You can take notes in the notes app. Capture some thoughts, and it doesn't have to be long ten minutes, just capture some thoughts. Just self-reflect and capture those thoughts somehow on a posted note, in a voice memo, in your journal, in your planner something. Because if we can look back, there is I tell you this. Like, so I use the passion planner. I absolutely love the passion planner. I will put a link to it in the show notes where you get a discount by using my link. But looking back at my wins and things that went well each week. When you do that at the end of the month, it's like, wow. A lot of things really did go well because we so easily focus on the negative. We so easily focus on what went wrong. It takes, like, five seconds of someone just saying the wrong thing and it spoils your entire day. It's like that one rot that one moldy cherry tomato or the moldy cherry in the bowl? Or the rotten apple, it just spoils the whole bunch. Right? So we have some say over that. And how we can nip that in the bud is by pausing long enough to celebrate our wins and look at what went right and what's going well. So maybe you get get a cup of tea and you self-reflect. You drive and you self-reflect. You take a walk, you self-reflect. These can become moments in our day that become a habit.

Victoria Volk: The sixth tip is clear your space declutter, throw, save, donate. I have a rule for myself that whenever I'm buying anything new, like new clothes for example, stuff that I haven't, if I have not touched it in six months or a year or more, it goes. I need to get rid of it. In fact, I'm due for a purge in my closet as we speak, and I do intend to do that. But decluttering, there's something about our space. When we feel overwhelmed in our life, and we leave the house in the morning and we go about our day and we go to work and we do all these things and we pick up the kids and go grocery shopping. And then we come home and we're in a space of clutter That is not relaxing. How do you relax? You can't. And if life itself, if all the rat race of life and your schedule is overwhelming, maybe you had a look at your schedule, But if that aspect of your life is really full, and you don't know where to start and that part of your life, the things that you do for others and being the CEO of the family, if that's you, then start with your space. That's what you can start with. And I'm telling you, when you come home, and you're able to actually relax. That will translate into your day. Trust me. Life is hard at times, but we often are our own worst enemies. Only making life feel harder. How about we get back to the basics? Slow down our minds, re-evaluate our schedules, and take a hard look at our priorities, which if your life isn't aligning with your values, you are making your life harder for yourself than it needs to be. 

Victoria Volk: Did you like this episode? Six tips for getting out of a slump, If you found it helpful and you liked it, please share it, leave a review. It takes five seconds, and it helps the show reach more hurting hearts. And keeps my determination going and helping humanity talk about grief like we talk about the weather. Until next time. When you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.