Grieving Voices

Patti Herr: Where Are They Now? | Grief, Grace & Gratitude in Motherhood

June 27, 2023 Victoria V | Patti Herr Season 3 Episode 148
Grieving Voices
Patti Herr: Where Are They Now? | Grief, Grace & Gratitude in Motherhood
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Show Notes Transcript

Patti was my second guest on this podcast back in 2020. In our first recording, Patti shares more about what it was like being a young widow and later dealing with infertility with her now husband.

In this follow-up episode, Patti shares some wonderful surprises God had in store for her in the last three years, including the impact working through her grief with me has had on her life and parenting in the time since she participated in one of my grief recovery group programs.

Patti's story proves that there are rainbows after storm clouds, how impossible it is to know God's plans for us, and how beautiful the outcome can be.

Motherhood isn't easy. However, handling the grief that inevitably comes along the way is possible with a little grace and gratitude.

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Victoria Volk: This episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️. My twelve-week in-person or online program that helps grieving who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. In Do Grief Differently™️, you learn new tools, education, and a method you can utilize the rest of your life. In this program and with my guidance, you remove the pain of grief. The sadness will always be there because even in complicated relationships, we love, but it's the pain of grief that keeps us stuck.

Victoria Volk: Thank you for tuning in to another episode of grieving voices. Today, my guest is a recap episode. A Where are they now with my second guest of grieving voices when I first launched in 20202, Patti Herr and thank you so much for being here and catching us all up on the past three years. Can you believe it? Almost three years.

Patti Herr: Mhmm.

Victoria Volk: Yeah. It'll be three years since September since we initially recorded. That's wild to me. The original episode was episode 13 and it was titled widow, miscarriage, and IVF. And a lot's changed. Yeah. So let's go back in time and talk about a little bit about that struggle with becoming pregnant and in your life at that time and what has happened since?

Patti Herr: Well, I it was kinda it wasn't fresh but the being a widow was still fresh, I guess. And when I got pregnant, I was like, oh my gosh. How did this happen? I mean, obviously, you know how, but why, you know, I couldn't give my husband my first husband a baby, and now I'm pregnant with someone who isn't my husband. And so it was that was a struggle to do, but Now looking back, it's crazy how I feel like he placed every single child into my life. He knew.

Victoria Volk: You had a struggle getting pregnant and you went through IVF. How and I know your last child though,

Patti Herr: You wouldn't be. It was a surprise.

Victoria Volk: Yeah. It was not that idea. So can you explain a little bit? Like, what you've learned about infertility and about all of that, you know, experience?

Patti Herr: I questioned it. I was like, did we need to do IVF? Did we need to spend all this money? Like, why, you know, how did we get pregnant so quickly after knowing blah blah blah. But, absolutely, secondary infertility is still a thing. And I don't think had anything to do with stress or anything. I just think that when you have a baby and when you get pregnant, like, your body almost, like, resets And I think that's kinda what happened. I think my body reset and I ambulated one month and surprise surprise. And we didn't think we could get pregnant. So

Victoria Volk: Divine timing, I suppose. Right?

Patti Herr: Yep. Yep.

Victoria Vokk: So how far are you

Patti Herr: They're 23 months apart because she's December and he's November. So

Victoria Volk: Okay.

Patti Herr: Yeah.

Victoria Volk: That's so fun. You know, my older too are 18 months apart. And I wouldn't change it. I wouldn't really change it. No.

Patti Herr: It's hard for me. Enorous kind of hard. But

Victoria Volk: yes. It my last one was a little hard

Patti Herr: In there.

Victoria Volk: But they're the girls are two years apart. Mhmm. So but I did have them all within four years. Yeah. But I

Patti Herr: don't know how you did it

Victoria Volk: I wouldn't change it. It was it was crazy. It's you know, those years are blur for sure, but now I wouldn't change it, you know.

Patti Herr: Yeah. I think when they get older, it'll be better because they'll have to stay at each other and but right now it's life is crazy. My house is messy. My house is lived in and Yeah. Life is good.

Victoria Volk: Grace.

Victoria Volk: Grace. Grace. Grace. Yeah. Lots of grace to go around.

Patti Herr: I was born people in, like, just or you know? I have three kids and it's a mess in here.

Victoria Volk: And why do we think we need to apologize? Right?

Patti Herr: Yeah. I don't know.

Victoria Volk: I know.

Patti Herr: Because some women have their lives together. I do not.

Victoria Volk: Well and you know, it's like a lot everybody's circumstances and situations are different too, you know. It's, you know, it's I think in this day in age too where you're working outside the home, and then you come home and, you know, they call that the second shift. That didn't exist for a lot of women way back when, like, for

Patti Herr: Well, I'm not working right now.

Victoria Volk: But you are.

Patti Herr: Well, I am. Yes. You're right. You're right.

Victoria Volk: You are. You are.

Patti Herr: But we're home all the time, and I think that's part of it is, like, when you do work, your house stays a little bit cleaner for a little bit longer because the kids aren't in it.

Victoria Volk: That's true. That's very true.

Patti Herr: When you're home all day, they're here all day.

Victoria Volk: There is a trade-off there. There is a trade-off. So you are also a client of mine when we first initially recorded. It was shortly before that, like the year before that, you had gone through the grief recovery program. And how do you think that that has I mean, does it still influence your life in certain aspects or ways?

Patti Herr: Mhmm. It's still a huge eye-opener for me. Like, I still tell people about it, and it still kind of like in awe. Like, I went in to do this about my husband who passed away and I did about someone who was living. Like, it just in awe, like, how people grieve and who they grieve and it kinda just puts it into perspective. And I think it still and I still like, I don't write letters out anymore, but I do them in my head kind of or, like, in my heart, I guess. Because it's been nine years. And, like, recently, June 9th was nine years for me. So But I still I mean, I still struggle with that living person every day, every single day. So

Victoria Volk: And how have you managed to have a relationship with this person?

Patti Herr: To kind of make my not my life easier, but to manage my life and my well-being. I've distanced, I guess, in a way I'm not close with that person. But I still have a relationship with them.

Victoria Volk: And I think that's the gift of going through grief recovery is that you realize where you need boundaries. Yeah. Maybe where you didn't have them. Would you say that that helped you kinda implement those boundaries?

Patti Herr: Yep. And it's I used to feel guilty about it, like, not having that person close because, like, my grandpa's always like, oh, we need to, like, be together on holidays and, you know, bury your family, blah blah blah. But at the same time, I can still have a relationship and have bound laundries and still saved my heart and my family's heart a little bit. And our feelings, I guess. Yeah.

Victoria Volk: Have you experienced any loss since we past recorded?

Patti Herr: Not personally, but friends, I guess, I'm not super close friends with some friends, and then just in the community, they've had losses. There was just a widow last week. I guess, a lady a woman in Westlake that lost her husband to a tragic accident, and I had planned on going to the funeral and I just could not. Leading up to the funeral, I got very anxious and I just I wanted to be there, but I knew it was not gonna be good, so could not do it.

Victoria Volk: Have you thought about working on that relationship with your deceased husband?

Patti Herr: I haven't, but It has been 9th years. You think I'd be over it by now, but it just Well, those things and it's it was the day. Like, June 9th was the day we buried him. It was my fifth wedding like, it was my we got married on that day, like, my now husband. Like, I think it's a really good day to do all this. But then also so that person, that lady in town buried her husband on June 9th, and I just It was too much on June 9th. And then there's this there's a lot in history on June ninth for people in Wishik as well. There's just a lot of a lot of in the mid beginning of June, I don't know why now, like, a lot of grief in the beginning of June. But

Victoria Volk: Oh. Yeah. And that's I wanna circle back to what you said. Like, it's been nine years. I should be over it by now. And I think we tell ourselves that even two, three, four years in, forty years in. Mhmm. You know, people would say that people say that to other people. You should be over it by now. Okay. The thing is is what that process. And you know this, what that process helps you do is become emotionally complete so that when those days come, they aren't as they don't feel a sharp. You know? It's like it it kind of softens the hurt a little bit, you know.

Patti Herr: I should have done a letter that day, but, like, because I'm good with the day with Jared. Let good with it, but, like, I know how to manage it. But then when that funeral came up, it was it was hard. And I knew it was like yeah. So I took a salad and I did some things around the church, but I just couldn't do the funeral.

Victoria Volk: And that's okay. Yeah. That's okay.

Patti Herr: And I didn't even know him really that well. I just know her and her family and I still just I mean, it brings back so many memories and it's hard for that day.

Victoria Volk: I had someone ask me yesterday, you know, what do you they're gonna go visit somebody who is very ill and die essentially. And she had asked me, what do you what do you say to somebody? Who's dying or what do you say to somebody who's going through something like that? And because you had that experience of being a widow, is there anything that you would have liked to have said to her or would like to share with anybody listening who may be experiencing that right now, that that you found helpful or that, you know, from your experience that you would like to share.

Patti Herr: Looking back, during, like, the planning process, I don't feel like I was there really because I don't like, then a year later, we buried my husband than dad. He died, passed away the day before, a year later. And I feel like I don't remember planning any of that stuff. I feel like I left it into a lot of the family's hands. And sometimes I wish I would have been more involved in picking things and but I just emotionally could not do it. So I just think, like, as for as far as advice, grieve, like, how you want because and there's no timeline. Like, I say it should be over it, but there really is no timeline. And there are some people that are quick to judge and it's been this long, you know. But can you really put a timeline on that? I don't know. I don't think you can. It would children, with husbands, with anyone in your life. Like, I don't think you can put a timeline on how long you should grieve. Because or how? Like, I just don't think so I feel I and I have told the widow this, like, you should just grieve how long you want, how you want, don't let people influence you, keep those people close that wanna be close, like let them in because that's those are your true friends. I lost people. Lost friends when Jared died in. It's not like I did anything. Like, I'm not the one that made him pass away. And I still lost friends. So I just feel like your life will change, and you're just gonna have to learn how to cope with that. And I think your class would be a great and for that when you're ready. I don't think you should have to do it right away or push to do it right away, but eventually, you need to start coping and learning how to cope. I didn't do the counseling thing. I maybe should have, but I didn't. So but just talking to someone, learning how to do deal and cope with things is very very high up there, I think, on the advice.

Victoria Volk: And one thing I learned too, just working in the groups, having you in the group and working with other clients one on one in the since, you know, in past three years, four years is now I actually have lengthened the one on one program to twelve weeks, and we work on two relationships. Because I think yeah. Because I think that you know, it's not this one and done. Mhmm. I think once you work on one and then you work on another significant relationship, it kinda solidifies what you're learning. And I think it just helps to really get a hang of the process because it is learning. It's a little bit of a learning curve. You know, it's new knowledge, it's new tools, and so I'm happy to report that I've learned that you can't just work on one. It's working on two can help get that ball rolling so that you feel like this really does impact me in a positive way. Mhmm.

Patti Herr: How long does it agree?

Victoria Volk: Yeah. You you kinda wish it would have been too.

Patti Herr: Yeah. But I can tell that I've done it not to the full capacity, but, like, I've done it with other people in my life. Not not probably as in-depth or whatever, but I have done it with other relationships.

Victoria Volk: That's good to hear. How do you think it's going through this program and as your kids are getting a little bit older now and maybe asking different questions, you know, how has the going through the program and what you learned influenced your parenting maybe, and even you yourself, like, and how you parent.

Patti Herr: So I remember specifically part of the class who made this timeline and you're, like, your dog dying, your fish dying. Like, that can impact every little thing in your life. And so I tried we tried to explain things like eastern kind of a few years ago, went through a thing with a death. And so I got a few little kid books or whatever to be able to read to him. And now I can read those to Norrie and Will and I I think explaining things and making it so that they know, like, I feel like it was kinda taboo. Like, you go to a funeral, like, people die. That's what goes on in life. Well, you still need to process it. Like, a dog dying, you still need to process it. We had a dog die a year and a half ago. Like, we needed to process it as a family because it was kind of traumatic. So I feel like that's helped me try to explain things to my kids too.

Victoria Volk: Do you have any tips on how you did that with your children?

Patti Herr: Let them ask the questions and no don't let them feel like questions are bad or any question is bad. Just, like, let them ask the questions and give them the answers that they need and don't fuel the fire, but don't make it taboo. Don't make it like, you shouldn't talk about it. Hush hush.

Victoria Volk: Right. Be honest. Help your children be emotionally honest. You know? Yeah.
They're angry. Let them be angry about their dog dying. You know, that's okay. You know,

Patti Herr: My oldest is very an an empath and he feels a lot. So I have to do all the emotions with him.

Victoria Volk: That's good. I mean, and there has to be space for that especially as a child who takes kind of in everything around them. It can be very over the world can be very overwhelming. Even the news, you know, it's like you're watching the news and you talking to your friend and your friend maybe went through something and then your dog dies, you know, like all these sad heavy things can really be devastating to a child who is highly sensitive. And so thank you for bringing that up, that not a lot of parents really consider that their child isn't a cry baby. Mhmm. You know, because a lot of parents might say, quit being a cry baby. Mhmm. It's you they're just sensitive, more sensitive.

Patti Herr: You had a half meet, they had a father, passed away a few years ago, and Well, I guess it's been a year a year and a half. And he he said, that's so sad. And, you know, I said, well, you just need to be a good friend. You need to be there for him. And So I think that I mean, he asked a lot of questions about that too.
So he feels a lot.

Victoria Volk: Any resources that you have found, that you have utilized yourself other than grief recovery or anything else that you'd like to share?

Patti Herr: I really haven't. I don't use money. If I do, I would go to, like, Pinterest and sometimes there's worksheets or something, but

Victoria Volk: for the kids.

Patti Herr: Oh, well and so I I had put it out there because Easton was very interested on on death and everything. And so I put out there, like, on Facebook, what people did. And they I can't I have the book in one of their bookshelves, but there is a book about death. It has it's like dinosaurs and stuff and kind of explains things. And I think I asked my pastor to ask actually, I did. I and I said, well, can you talk to him about it? Like, is there like, can he ask you questions and but I got this book, and then he did some research and gave me some other book titles, and I don't have those at the moment. But on me but yeah. So I did go to my pastor and ask him and We have driven around cemeteries before and talked about things too. So

Victoria Volk: And even art -- Yeah. -- allowed children to express themselves through art. Yeah. Play Play Doh crayons, colors, watercolors in that way too.

Patti Herr: We got memorial flowers for the dog.

Victoria Volk: Oh.

Patti Herr: Yeah. Easton and his dad saw them in the store, so they got her memorial flowers. So

Victoria Volk: that's good.

Patti Herr: He still talked about her. He talks about the cat that passed away four years ago. So he remembers a lot. 

Victoria Volk: And how old is he now? 

Patti Herr: He's seven. 

Victoria Volk: Old enough to understand. 

Patti Herr: Yes.

Patti Herr: He'll he'll say, I miss this person. I miss this person. I wish I could have met this person like he knows.

Victoria Volk: And so many adults will underestimate what children truly understand. You know, I was eight when my dad passed away and people just didn't think I understood. You know? It's like, okay. Well, you see your dad. Yeah. You see your dad, in a coffin, and then, you know, he's put in the ground, and then you don't see him anymore. It's like okay. Well, I understand they're not in my life anymore, and that's really sad. You know?
It's like, don't tell me I don't understand. You know?

Patti Herr: Your mind's understanding at five six seven, you definitely were understanding at eight.

Victoria Volk: By three years old --

Patti Herr: Yeah.

Victoria Volk: -- About 75% of how to respond to life.

Patti Herr: Yeah. Well, in that three, that's when he was asking about death. So

Victoria Volk: Yes. Exactly.

Patti Herr: Very important.

Victoria Volk: And I'm glad this came up too because it's been something that I've I've said before, I think, on a different podcast episode, but I need to put resources for books, for children, and stuff on my website.

Patti Herr: And you need to have a class for children too.

Victoria Volk: I can't actually work with children. That is that's creating a thing. Yeah.

Patti Herr: And you have to take another class. Right?

Victoria Volk: Well, I can work with the adults of the children. So there's the program helping children with loss but it's for the adults to help the adults work with their own children.

Patti Herr: Okay

Victoria Volk: And that's through the book, actually, this might be a good resource for you when children grieve -- Mhmm. -- is the other companion book to the grief recovery method is when children grieve. And are helping children's loss program is based on that book. So that would be a resource for anyone listening. But there is actually a program that I had a guest on my podcast, and she started an organization called shielding hearts. And I'm going to look, I have just I've told her and I plan to look into her program because this program, you actually work with the kids, but it's not it's kind of along the lines of art and things. That you bring it into schools, the school system. So I'm gonna yeah. I'm gonna look into doing that. So it's I'm not a licensed social worker, so that's where some yeah. Get get the poo poo on that. We're having kids, but It is a passion of mine, for sure, because I've I've been there, so I understand that children just don't necessarily have that person in their life where they can feel like they can open up and share. Because oftentimes what happens too is let's say dad or someone close to you is dying or sick and if or passes away and your your child is asking, what about grandpa? And then you don't want to talk about it because it makes you sad. So then your child doesn't talk about it because they don't wanna make you sad. So then what happens is nobody's talking about it. 

Patti Herr: Mhmm. 

Victoria Volk: And it's this thing that you just don't talk about. You don't you don't talk about grandpa, you don't talk about grammar, whoever it is that passes away.

Patti Herr: Mhmm. 

Victoria Volk: So what are you looking forward to in the next three years?

Patti Herr: Surviving, if we could.

Victoria Volk: Giving them all in school. Right?

Patti Herr: Yeah. Yeah. One won't be, but the other ones will be. Yeah. But just building our life and working still working on our relationships, like even me and my husband, we I mean, we're constantly learning single day. Like, I don't think you ever I feel like you learn about your your spouse and everything, but I feel like you just you're learning together every single day because you've some things you've never dealt with or, you know, your kids are getting older, so then situations change and you just learn I mean, we're learning constantly together how to handle things and how to deal with things. And I just see us having so much fun as a family. And also, I know in the next three or ten years, probably we're gonna be seeing some losses in our family and that we're gonna have to deal with, and that's something that I'm dreading. But it's just the reality, I guess, and it's not gonna be fun for any of my family. 

Victoria Volk: But, yeah, tools.

Patti Herr: Yeah. Yep.

Victoria Volk: And I gotta say too, like, just is there anything that you would like to discuss about being in the trenches of motherhood and, you know, because you can kind of feel like because you weren't anticipating. Right? You weren't anticipating them at all. Right? And so, like, now being kind of in the I'll say in the trenches of it. You know, I was we're just talking about this and friends and I just the other day. I and I said, yep. You know, people always told me that the days are long, but the years are short, and then it's so true. It is so true. You know, and when you're in the trenches of it, it's like, it's really easy to lose yourself.
So how are you doing as far as that goes if you're open to sharing?

Patti Herr: I go through my little tips where I'm like, I can't keep this house clean and I get my little crying moments where I'm like, I'm a bad mom and blah blah, but the last couple of days, I realized, like, the house can be messy. It will get clean be cleaned someday, and we've been outside all day because it's been so beautiful. And that to me is the best medicine and that's what's what makes my kids happy, what makes all of us happy, and dad is busy working in the field, and so we miss him terribly, but we just we play and we have fun. And when we can be with him. We do, and we have fun with him too. And life's just crazy, and I would say when it slows down, but it never has yet. It's just crazy busy and I just let them enjoy life and we play and play and play and eat and eat and eat and clean and clean and clean and clean and I just think you have to just have a little bit of faith and hope and everyone tells you, like, just relax. You'll have kids, you know, when you're going through in fertility, and that's not always the case. Sometimes, you just have to take life into your own hands and believe in science and god put science on this world for a reason. And I think that IVF was a beautiful thing for us and our baby was a beautiful thing for us, and the first one was also beautiful because we didn't think we were ever gonna get that chance. So I just think life is beautiful and it's short and you just need to really enjoy it and it's too short to be miserable. Obviously, you go through those moments where you're not miserable, but you're just sad. And I feel like you have to be sad to you. It's a balance. You can't always be happy happy happy, I guess.

Victoria Volk: Well, and that can be exhausting too to put on that front of all -- Yeah. -- like, you know, it's I'm fine. Yeah. And there it that takes effort and energy. It's a waste of effort and energy instead of -- Yeah. -- it takes less energy to be emotionally honest, like, No. I'm not good today. I kinda need a mental break.

Patti Herr: Yeah. Some well, my kids need mental breaks sometimes. Yeah.

Victoria Volk: Right? And from each other,

Patti Herr: Yeah.

Victoria Volk: That's the hard balance too. It's like that was the hardest part I think for me too. It's like trying to find that individual time.

Patti Herr: Mhmm.

Victoria Volk: It's like that firstborn gets so much attention. And then the second one comes along and it gets a little harder. But that third, it's really tough.

Victoria Volk: Throws a wrench into things.

Patti Herr: Yeah. 

Victoria Volk: That's really tough to, like, to feel like you're giving each child what they need. You know? So that you can feel like you're failing in a lot of ways. But 

Patti Herr: Mhmm.

Victoria Volk: you know, you do the best you can and

Patti Herr: and lean on each other. Like, you have friends, you have other moms, or dads, or whatever, like, lean on people, you know? Because they're going through the same thing. They just maybe don't show it as much or you don't think they do or, you know, you might think you're alone.

Victoria Volk: I just heard of a cup there's a couple of working moms and they exchange, like, their day's off, like, they're watching on each other's, like, that's how they do it. They they're killed. They're both newborns or new oh, they're new parents, and they're that that's what they do. So they just you know, they're raising each other's kids. They're doing it together, and I think that's a beautiful thing that you can find in friendship. You know, if you have that support. And if you don't, find it. Create. Ask. You know, how many people are so afraid to ask hey, I have this idea. What do you think? You know, if we just you know, here's one tip that I'll share with you. And it is something that we still talk about to this day, our kids talk about it to this day is so I don't live on a farm. I never have. But a friend of ours did and or does. And we would have what's called farm days. 

Patti Herr: Mhmm. 

Victoria Volk: So everybody brought their kids to the farm and like the rest of us had, well, two of us were lived on farm two of us lived on farms and two of us were city gals. Right? But, anyway, everybody brought their kids the water, water games, whatever they did, and we just got together, like us women, moms, got to talk and catch up. The kids got to have fun doing whatever they were doing. It was the best. It was the best. And, you know, we did this in the summer sometimes. And Those are the best memories. And oftentimes, they weren't even planned. 

Patti Herr: Mhmm. 

Victoria Volk: Hey, let's just have a farm day today. And it doesn't always work, of course, you know, because things and the phases of life. Right? You go with the phases of life. Now, most of like, there's yeah. Two of us now. Two of the four have about three of the four have day jobs outside, you know, like, we have places we need to be and things we need to do, so it doesn't always happen. But That's my tip. Create a farm day. Ask the girlfriends, you know, especially the other friends that live on farms. Just get together, bring the kids, make it a

Patti Herr: We have a crazy idea. Sometimes, we go to the zoo with all of our kids and we're like, why did we do this? But then in the end, it's really fun for them. Yeah. They might cry on the way home because they're so tired. But

Victoria Volk: But that's what I'm saying. You don't even need to drive anywhere. Yeah. To, like, take them out anywhere. You need to, like, mess with the strollers and the diaper bags and just come together --

Patti Herr: Yeah.

Victoria Volk: -- one spot and just let them explore and find bugs.

Patti Herr: We do try to get together with friends, but it's I mean, everyone's so busy. It's kinda we just need to and that's my thing too is, like, you just gotta make the time.

Victoria Volk: Yeah. Just ask. Yeah. And I you know, a friend of mine too. She was like, you know she'll ask me and I'll say, ah, I just I can't today, but And I told her just recently too, I'm like, you know what? This was a good idea. We went kayaking. She's like, I was like, this is a good idea. She's like, I guess I just I said, just never stop asking.

Patti Herr: Mhmm. 

Victoria Volk: You know, it wasn't it wasn't planned. It was, like, she was she wanted to go. So she's, like, hey. I'm I wanna go, Kaye, do you wanna go? Yeah. I'll go. You know? It's Mhmm. So I think a lot of the times it's the spontaneous things that is where the best memories are made. So that's my suggestion to any mom just get together with the girlfriends. It's important. It matters. It makes a difference. And

Patti Herr: You need to make time for yourself too.

Victoria Volk: That's true too. That's true.

Patti Herr: Get a babysitter. Don't I know it's expensive and I know, like, oh my gosh. I have to have it babysitter watch my kids, but get the babysitter because you need to have your own time, you need to have date nights. Like, we don't definitely do don't do an update switch we will someday when the kids are older. Right now, we just we're focusing on our children, but get the babysitter.

Victoria Volk: Yeah. And speaking of which, people might be listening to, like, your house is really quiet for three kids. Do you have a babysitter?

Patti Herr: This summer, I got my littles into daycare for two and a half days a week. So they're in daycare today. And at my older one, I made him out of the house for a little while. He might come in here in a little bit. I told him a half hour, so that's about coming up rather than that back.

Victoria Volk: Oh, so that's good. I mean, that you're taking your own advice. Right? I mean, it's just one day a week. You know

Patti Herr: I do work at McTwist, the Dairy Queen in town one day a week. So I I get an adult interaction.

Victoria Volk: And that's important. And that is kind of you time. That is mental health time.

Patti Herr: It is. Oh, I love it. I love it. Yeah. It's only for, like, six hours, but I love it.

Victoria Volk: It's something to look forward to to get out of the house. Right?

Patti Herr: Yeah.

Victoria Volk: Just Yeah. Yeah.

Patti Herr: And the fact here, like, I need to do this and I need to do that.

Speaker 0: And leave the house without a diaper bag.

Patti Herr: Yeah. Yeah. Or I mean, could I forget a kid? Or

Victoria Volk: Yeah. Well, I'm so glad things have really just the sun has just been shining on your life and it's I'm so happy to have been able to catch up with you today. And thank you for sharing what's been up with you. Yeah. And you know, I do offer alumni groups.

Patti Herr: And she made it to somebody.

Victoria Volk: Yeah. Well, and I could do it online now too. I don't have to pack a diaper bag. So yeah. So I'll have to maybe get something like that lined up in the future. Yeah. Is there anything you prefer? Yes. there aren't. Is there anything else that you would like to share?

Patti Herr: I don't think so. Just live life to the fullest because it's so short. You never know. You never know.

Victoria Volk: You never know. That's for sure. Especially, as you just described, you know, that accident that happened. Right? You just you don't know. You can leave your house one day and not walk in the door later.

Patti Herr: Yep. 

Victoria Volk: So 

Patti Herr: Yep.

Victoria Volk: All I was gonna ask you too. Do you ever go out to the farm where your husband's work and have a picnic with the kids?

Patti Herr: We go out there because we have a horse named Marlin, and the kids wanna go see the horse all the time. So we go see Marlin quite often.

Victoria Volk: Okay? But where your husband is farming, though. Yeah.

Patti Herr: Oh, yeah. We well, we take him food, and I actually have to take him chemically. He called me right before this and said, can you bring me some chemical? Oh, so I'm also farmland. Like, I yeah. And we want to move to the farm someday. So we'll be out there probably in a few years, I would say.

Victoria Volk: Oh, so you're not on the farm?

Patti Herr: Nope. We're in town. We live in his grandma's house. We bought his grandma's house.

Victoria Volk: Oh, my mistake.

Patti Herr: Yeah. But we will move to the farm his parents live out there, but they're kinda transitioning. So

Victoria Volk: Well, farm days are in your future, I bet.

Patti Herr: Yeah. So women can come find out for farm days because I plan to have all the things. My husband's like, oh, we're gonna have funny farm and I'm like, you better believe it. I'm going to that exotic animal sale and we're gonna have fainting goats and

Victoria Volk: Oh. 

Patti Herr: Peacock

Victoria Volk: That's really fun. Yeah. Well, thank you so much, Patti, and it's been so fun catching up with you. And I wish you a wonderful rest of 2023. It's halfway.
We're halfway through. That's crazy.

Patti Herr: Time goes too fast?

Victoria Volk: Sure does. Well, many blessings to you and your family.

Patti Herr: You too. Thanks.

Victoria Volk: Thanks. And remember, when you unleash your heart you unleash your life. Much love.